Music as anaesthesia

Pain as good as gone

It was Springtime in the early 1980’s, I was on my bike and trespassing. I had no negative intent. The house and large garden were well placed to overlook Wimbledon tennis. I cycled slowly along a winding drive, till I arrived at a double garage.

Leaning my bike up against a wall, and feeling curious, I looked out towards the distant famous sports ground.

My stereo FM pocket radio in my earpieces was tuned to BBC Radio 3, classical afternoon music.

No owners appeared, no one was about. The tennis ground was too far away to be of interest. I decided to go back the way I’d come.

Without warning, canine jaws closed on the right tendon behind my right knee. I half turned to see a big, light brown, short-haired dog, its jaws firmly locked. It was looking up at me.

The sweet music in both ears continued to lull me. I did not leave this state of peace. In fact, I felt no pain, only a feeling of mild inconvenience to have my afternoon calm interrupted.

With a lapdog size companion next to him, the big dog looked into my eyes.

He was obviously surprised, but more than that, my reaction of absence of any reaction was new to him. He obviously had no clue what to do next.

Perhaps it was my gentle smile that caused him to let go of his mouthful of my flesh. I later found a hole in my trousers and puncture wounds in my bruised skin.

My next move was to retreat. I walked backwards more slowly than seemed possible or sensible. I walked my bicycle calmly back to the road. It might have been Newstead Road, but I’m not sure now. It was more than forty years ago.

At this period, I was having major dental work to place crowns on every one of my 29 teeth. This work was to be completed in sections over four months. I needed to prevent further damage due to night grinding (sic). My late father had wrecked his dentition, because he had never had a full mouth of crowned teeth made.

My dentist was also my friend. We’d sometimes drink in his local pub. He willingly agreed to proceed with the work while I listened to classical music on the earpieces of my little FM stereo radio.

I am sure the music in my ears gave a boost to my comfort and confidence.

It was truly major dental work. When it had successfully completed, my dentist boasted that the NHS payments had been enough for him to pay off the mortgage on his Wimbledon practice.

In January 2007, I used this method of anaesthesia by classical music when I had an Epiretinal Membrane Peel operation on my right eyeball at Moorfields Eye Hospital, London. l chose a local anaesthetic, because I believed I would have a ripping yarn to tell all my friends for years to come.

Yes, I was fully conscious during all  stages of this fascinating procedure.

No! I had been wrong. Every time I try to interest anyone in the exciting details of this rare eye surgery as imprinted on my memory, the room clears as surely as the ripe cheeses cleared the railway carriage in Jerome K. Jerome’s tale of the transported cheeses in chapter 4 of Three Men in a Boat.

The only person who has ever listened and even asked supplementary questions is Julian, and my local Optician, bless him.

This summer, I had to have a lower pre-molar extracted. Once again I plugged in to music.

This time the music was my own 6 minutes long compilation of Buddhist monks chanting AUM, overlaid with my playing on my goatskin drum, with three of my largest Tibetan Sounding Bowls, my tubular bells, and the magic of Koshi Wind Chimes. My friend heard my Koshi Chimes once, and immediately he went, “It’s like an Eargasm.”

The dental assistant obligingly repeated the 6 minute compilation three times on my mobile phone. This had the effect of chasing away all pain and discomfort.

FOOTNOTE

I used a commercial recording of AUM Chanting, and so for reasons of copyright, I hesitate to put a public link to my music here. If you would like to enjoy it, please send me a message.

The One-ness Project

Endless beginnings

The One-ness Project

The Jewel in the Lotus displays the brightness of the light shining with omnipresent love in every single object we see throughout our life.

What two methods do I need to use to fall in love unshakeable, ineffable, with everything all of the time, like some crazed teen, but with no body and no thing as the object of this love?

The first is to make the choice to stop, look, see and hear. Yes, and to smell, touch and taste, too.

Wherever you are at whatever point in your 24 hour day, examine it all with the clear sight of a young child. Allow your senses to react without pre-conditions, without labels, with no expectation coloured by ideas received.

Just confine yourself to receive what your body senses, with humility and gratitude. The more you choose this close connection between your senses and the material world, the more it appears in its ordinary extraordinary splendour.

If you need to speak, address what you are in the presence of as if you are chatting to your close friend. Be gentle, smile inwardly, slow yourself down to almost stationary. You are learning to engage in silent communion wherever you are and however you are feeling, with anything animal, vegetable or mineral. This is a an uncompleted meditative practice you can repeat daily as often as you wish.

By repetion, a time of fluent communication will come, and it will seem natural to chat to any and all the objects in your path. More than that, the Gentleness of the Being of the life you engage with (and even of the stones you pause to talk with!) infuses your heart with a peace and fulfilment only available through humble two-way intercourse.

What is the second method that secures the love of everything all of the time, like the fixed lights in the open sky above the desert at night?

It is bringing your attention to the publicly available knowledge which comes with the current understanding of the origins of life on Earth, as for example broadcast on TV, “Life on Earth”. Included here are the magnificent images and their science based analyses from the Vera C. Rubin telescope in Chile.

We now know what the drivers and mechanisms are which enable the billions of generations of creatures and organisms to replicate themselves with almost perfect repeatability over thousands of millions of Planet Earth’s evolutionary history.

Therefore, as you go about your business conversing tenderly, respectfully, with life forms all around you, you need to inhabit a far greater slice of geological time than the ordinarily available present!

Train yourself to be intensely aware of this extraordinary fact. You, and all life alive are individual copies of life’s templates passed through uncountable iterations via RNA and DNA.

As a representation of a model of life whose ancestry is too ancient to fully comprehend, think of yourself as a Pixel of Humanity.

You are unique as one of these fractal fragments of conscious self-awareness. At the same time, you and I display such close similarities with our kith and kin that we easily believe ourselves to be an exact replica of the original humans. We can cheerfully identify as Pixels of Humanity.

This being so, we can walk on our paths today in the present moment and simultaneously embody our ancestral identity.

Our forebears created us out of their love for life. We go filled with that love which our millions of mothers and fathers summoned into being millions of times over.

These habits of focus of our body and mind take us by the hand, and lead us as if through a portal to a new intensely beautiful place. With a passionate opening, we recognise it has always been our natural home.

The same goes for every single organic life form, sentient or not sentient, who share the present moments of our alive aware selves. We can allow ourselves to feel and see the light of our being, and be ever so glad it lights us brightly on our way.

~ Love is present
E v e r yN o w

Be alert to the shrivelling

One of the many handles to grasp the living of life fully is to be alert to the shrivelling attacks made on your interior life by Deaths.

Some of these deaths are:

  • Conscious refusal to honour, love and respect what you are
  • Choosing self-doubt
  • Agreeing without question your naked faceless voice droning on with “Not today”, “Not good for me”, “Too tricky”, “Too spikey”, “Too risky”
  • Believing and being persuaded to believe you are less than you are
  • One of the many handles with which to grasp the living of life fully is to be alert to the shrivelling attacks made on your interior life by Deaths.
  • Settling and settling and settling again for small scraps of insignificance when monumental treasures are within your hands’ reach!
  • WHY ? BECAUSE~~ ~~Love is present EveryNow

[First published 2018.09.20]

Guarding falls into place

Guarding falls into place

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Since 2019, with a few short reprieves, my varied health issues kept me from my usual adventurous explorations.

NHS interventions have freed me from my armchair since the start of 2025 after months of recovery. I am so grateful for the treatment and care the NHS continue to provide.

I was “laid up”, though not laid low. Safety in the cocoon of home leads to “guarding”. I guard against making sudden movements that might cause pain, up to the point that I get to guard against moving out of the house.

I guard against thoughts of breaking free to go cycling and see the sea. I guard against the urge to roam at will, smell fresh air, discover new places, meet myself in the faces of new acquaintances.

Gradual steady improvements prompt me to book a July Green Immersion far to the south west. The call of the green wild represents freedom for me. Solitary walks in swishing green grasses, under trees where I look upwards, glimpses of far horizons, the flitting of insects, birds and the calls of birds.

My red heart continues to call out for the heart of the Big Green, till one morning I get up, go out with my good old walking staff and find myself ready to climb the big hill of our local nature reserve called Hengistbury Head.

I’m walking so very slowly. I stop every few paces to look and to take photos. there’s so much happening, so much to see and photograph. I’m surprised to be free of discomfort, and I’m listening to the song of my heart.

In the summer heat, I am stopping to drink from my water bottle. My slow pace, frequent stops and the rhythm of my breath combine. And so, I am receiving newness from all the growing things.

What is growing has its roots in centuries’ old rock and earth. My old thoughts are clothed in new emotions. Emotions are those old familiar half-forgotten streams of consciousness reinvigorated by this slow solitary progress along the sandy stony tracks in this delightful greenscape.

I rediscover the most extraordinary ponds high up on the north flank of this hill. The dragonflies time of mating is come. They whirr over the green leaf pads of water lilies in full flower. Lilies cream, carmine and white lilies. This is not at all a scene which is intended for me, who came walking this way in the heat of summer. Rather, it is the same scene of fertility and lush abundance that has been repeated over hundreds and hundreds of thousands of similar cycles, and I, a joyful Pixel of Humanity, am grateful to arrive fully present and able to drink in this elixir.

I make my way down to catch the hourly bus, and I decide to cancel my long-awaited and longed for holiday. Why undertake the travails of travel, when all the Green I could ever wish for is here on my doorstep!

I will soon return to this land next to the sea with its age-old landscapes. It offers me at age 79 so many opportunities for renewal, refreshment, and even rejuvenation.

In the name of the Big Green,

Love is present EveryNow

Me and my body

Walking in the Dordogne

I recently discovered that my normal way of talking about my abnormal health conditions has always been self-deceiving! I always “talk myself up” with family and friends. I say I am getting better, when the truth is I am getting better but so incredibly slowly, that it’s almost invisible to me.

I want people to think of me as on the “up and up”. But the way bodies repair themselves is massively slow and very different to how we all talk about our bodies. The lightning fast way our mind thinks and talks has nothing in common with the speed at which our bodies operate.

I have watched on during eight years and counting, as my body actively returns its systems to normal balance after a sudden onset of arthritis, five heart and one prostate operation and one month of intensive, damaging but successful X-ray therapy. I have managed my Sleep Apnoea well since Autumn last year. At the end of last year, I had to recover from a broken wrist after a trip-fall in the street.

What have I learned? I now understand my body has its own timescales when it gets going to repair and regenerate.

I directly compare the timescales my body follows to what I see in the natural world. A seed lies dormant in the dark. It slowly sprouts. The new sprout grows a little day by day. It will become a flower or a shrub or a tree over time. The time this regeneration takes is so many days and weeks and months of gradual return to normal that I need hindsight to detect and comprehend the growth.

I have discovered what joys await me when I can slow my expectations to be in balance with the processes my own body uses.

I used to reassure my friends and family how well I am doing every day. What I mean to say is how impatient, and even at times desperate my mind is with my inability to do the things I used to do at the speed I had been accustomed to do them. More difficult still is the way my mind lies to me and tells me I never ever will get better!

My mentor, Biodanza teacher and true soulfriend, Milarepa Malc Burgin used to say, “Be well. Go well”. This simple wish has become one of my guiding lights on this fantastic journey of re-Creation

As long as I take good care of myself, and I comply with my body’s demands in the way my family and friends wish me to when they say, “Take Care”, I can say with honesty, “I’m well and improving.”

~ Love is present EveryNow

Freedom beyond imagined desire

We live in Southbourne-on-Sea, aka SoBo, mere seconds walk from the clifftop path, looking West, East and South out over the long reaching fin of the north-east Atlantic — call it The Channel, call it La Manche.

The surface is forever changing, surprising, pleasing.

As I stand, look and open up my submariner senses, I notice it is teeming beyond my wildest imaginings with collective sea-lives.

I take my imagining under and deep.

I tense and relax inside of the cubic kilometers of freedom. Freedom as beyond any fixed measure as a sphere.

Freedom beyond imagined desire.

I let me to wander alongside the floating populations, the slow tribes the single species moving with one accord. With my mouth, with my eyes, I lead. My undulating slow tail follows and flows.

This is a place of communication. The crustaceans, the fish, all go clickety on their busy ways.

Half a lifetime of my puny swimming, and I come into earshot of the fabled Songs of Whales, those companies of poets and musicians. My mammalian relatives have developed their societies, and they live out the proud cycles of their generations on the same scale as this oceanic universe.

I find I too can float, and I let my five-pointed star body hang with the barely visible bodies, the water-clouds of trillions, the fractal delicacy of diatoms.

I strain a little, look below and I see the swaying of the dark slippery forests of kelp.

Against my flanks I sense the varied gradients of pressure, from abyssal deep to top frothing waves.

At depth, my body is belittled by vibrations of very long wavelengths, many orders of magnitude greater than the hugest floorstanding bass speakers. This unaccustomed effect is unnerving and soothing in equal measure.

My sensitive skin is surprised by the variegated temperature shifts in the flows of water bands, above, below, before, behind.

The diversity of temperature and pressure in these limitless, liquid, gravity-bound masses I compare, in my own air-breather way, to the hourly, diurnal and seasonal colour changes in our familiar, domed aethereal world.

All awestruck, I love to visit and revisit again and again this succulent subsurface with my mind’s eye, because it is a massive naked mirror to the elsewhere worlds of air and starry night skies

~Love is present EveryNow

Siezing the opportunities in life

Close proximity to greatness, or at least to highness does not come to everyone.

I shared a lift journey, a rather slow large goods lift, with Ken Livingstone and a few others in his last days fighting a rear-guard action before County Hall was un-moored from the South Bank, and in March 1986 left to drift down the Thames to oblivion. I was one of a small army of volunteers to help “Save the GLC”. We were offered good overtime pay for after hours work.

Here was a political figure very engaged, and in the public eye. I was much struck by the obvious fact that to be in the presence of this small politician and Leader of the Greater London Council, was to feel the inverse of being overwhelmed by the personality and aura of the traditional politician or people’s representative.

Here was a man who did not need to waste his energies projecting himself. His silent presence drew those around him into his sphere of action with his steely magnetism. Understand this is my subjective impression. I had felt the same lack of deliberate energetic radiation, when I met the good-natured Bishops of Arundel and Southwark by chance at the top of Arundel High Street in 1971.

My story carries on 24 years later. I attended the World Energy Congress for my publishing company’s trade exhibition stand in Tokyo in October 1995.

The day before the grand opening ceremony, in the wide corridors of the exhibition centre, I chanced on a small excited tightly-knit crowd. Drawn towards this, I asked a rather wild-haired gentleman what was happening. This loud, wild man, looked like a younger version of the fictional film character Dersu Uzula. He said he was a Russian photo journalist. He explained his journo colleagues, press, radio and TV, from all over the world hoped to pick a numbered cloakroom ticket out of a hat for the privilege of seeing the Emperor and Empress arrive to open the World Energy Congress the next morning.

He really took to me, and made much of me I thought, and he put a large muscular arm on my shoulders to encourage me to go take one of the cherished tickets. Might it have been that he saw in me an opportunity to improve his own ballot chances? I may be a bit of a soppy date, but I knew he knew I’d gladly give him my winning ticket. I unfolded my numbered ticket. It was Number One! My Russian was cock-a-hoop, and he congratulated me. Then he opened his ticket numbered below twenty as well.

The next morning, in the buzz before the opening ceremony, the Tannoy announced for those ballot ticket holder journalists to make their way as fast as possible down the congress hall auditorium and to follow the secret service agents to the outside entrance.

I remember my Russian friend’s firm grip on my arm as he grabbed me and we all but jogged till we were outside, my camera case banging on my chest.

We jostled rudely for a prime position on the scaffolding erected in three tiered rows on either side of a minor street entrance.

I was not quite so quick, and got a view obstructed by a pillar. But I was quite content with the position. We were to wait for a very long time with a view of an asphalted area totally cleared of people. The light for photography was good. You could just catch sight of crowds held behind barriers some 400 metres away. No searches were carried out at all and nobody questioned us. Ah, those were days of pure innocence and trust.

I was now standing there, acutely conscious of my late father, who, over twenty years previously, had attended an international conference in Tokyo as a French simultaneous interpreter.

Wherever in the four populated continents my father found himself, he would change after work, hire a motor scooter, and go explore as far as he could go to see, photograph and meet everything and everyone he came across. This was his way of living life fully. With my Dad as a rôle model, I adopted his non-conformist adventure seeking methods during my own nine years tenure in B2B travelling sales, from 1992.

On one occasion, he was a bit lost, stumped by the impossibility of reading the road signs or place names in Japanese. So in the hope of getting to a town, he followed a road running alongside a railway line, a good scouting or tracker tactic.

It was a hot day. He was quite alone in the stillness of the countryside.

He waited at a level crossing for a train to pass. It came by awfully slowly. Standing up quite still, arm raised in motionless greeting at a window, in formal clothes, stood His Majesty Emperor Hirohito of Japan, and at his side, his wife, the Empress Kōjun.

This was a cortège in transit on a state visit. To show his respect for his own people, the Emperor stood there on show, ready for all to see and pay homage.

This beautiful image of devotion to service has stayed with me the way my father told it.

The line of black limos began rolling up in front of our entrance. Cameras cocked, TV apparatus swivelled and readied. Lots of security people tumbled out of some of the first black cars.

Then the Empress Michiko stepped out on my nearside. I started photographing. Then the Emperor Akihito of Japan got out on the far side from me. With dignity, bras-dessus, bras-dessous, they walked in formal western dress in front of me, as near as I am to you now.

I have no record of this whatsoever, though my battery power was full. I had used up the last three shots on my film roll of 36 on partial views of the Empress with a pillar in soft focus.

The only thing that matters to me today is the pride and joy my father would have felt, had he been alive, to listen to my little adventure, so deeply in the vein of his own eccentric escapades.

I owe so much to your example, Dad, of siezing the opportunities in life!

Around the world with B2B sales

Always on the day before my long haul sales trips, I would continue my advertisement sales telephone pitching till 5pm in Sutton.

My work consisted in selling advertising contracts to manufacturers in the electricity industry – power generation, transmission and distribution. Our business-to-business magazine was respected and the worldwide circulation generated sales for advertisers. Our major revenue came from clients who gathered conveniently in great numbers at industry trade fairs.

When my colleagues had all gone home, I’d finalise my paperwork for the trip ahead. Often I’d be driving the 3 miles home from the office at 2am. There I would pack, unpack and repack my suitcase and briefcase downstairs quietly, not wake the family. My son has told me he used to hear noises downstairs, but thought it better not to interrupt. The taxi arrived at 6am to take me and my exhibition posters to one of the London airports.

The flight and connecting flights filled me with tremendous excitement, the thrill of the early explorers. I have never lost this adrenalin rush when travelling by air. It is a pleasure analogous to my being taken on fairground rides by my Dad.

I developed my own method of catching up on lost sleep on long plane journeys.

Following tips from my Dad, I’d board early, and bag a window seat. As soon as we had reached cruise altitude, I would ask the air crew not to wake me for meals. I’d inflate my rubberised fabric camping pillow, place it on my chest, and tie my adjustable webbing trouser belt over it. This kept my spine upright, preventing me from falling forward asleep.

I would tie a strip of close-weave black cotton around my head, blocking out all light. I’d cut it from the same blackout curtain material which my parents had used to help protect them from being targeted by WW2 bombers flying home looking to jettison unused ordnance.

Odd, wasn’t it, no one would ever think to wake me up.

After landing and checking into the prebooked hotel, I would set up my magazine’s exhibition stand the day before the expo.

Not for me the standard free-time activity of my fellow European advertising sales colleagues. While they gathered in the hotel lounges to booze their evenings away on expense account, after every day’s work was done, I’d shower, change and spend much of the night wandering the streets taking photos.

I took delight in these nighttime forays in Beijing, Guanzhou, Hong-Kong, Mumbai, Houston, Cincinnati and even Tokyo.

In Johannesburg in 1995, I befriended my taxi driver, who would drive me between hotel and exhibition centre daily. I asked him to drive me to places I’d otherwise never have seen.

I made the same connection with a taxi driver in Dubai a bit later. He knew the captain of a dhow, a traditional wooden trading vessel. At 6am, he drove me from my hotel to Dubai Creek. After a brief introduction, I boarded the vessel dressed in my work suit and tie. I shot several rolls of film even in low ambient light below deck. Fun beyond all boyish imagining!

I was highly sensitive to the privilege of this job which flew me to exotic places usually accessible only to lucky lottery winners. I should mention that my very first sales trip to a trade exhibition was in Bournemouth, my current home town, 33 years ago!

My experiences of these nine years of jet-setting closely paralleled those of my own late Father.

He was an international conference interpreter, and one of the founders of that liberal profession. He travelled extensively all over the world for much of every year from the mid-1940s till the 1970s.

He would not sit and drink with colleagues in the hotel after his international conferences were over for the day.

He’d hire a car or a scooter and go as far into the local bush, underworld, or remote villages as he possibly could.

He invariably came home with utterly amazing stories of his quite wild adventures. Most of these escapades he would have talked his way into and used his gift of the gab to talk his way out of!

His tale of a collision with a wild pig in a forest in Malaysia was one I best recall, because he used to retell it at family gatherings. His conference had ended. He left his hotel and as usual he found a garage which rented him a scooter so he could go on adventures of exploration.

To shorten this story, he got his grazed head bandaged up, and a cut in his leg stitched. He went back to the Chinese garage owner.

My Dad said placatory words to this effect.

“I know and I am sorry I am late returning your scooter.”

Silence from the owner.

My Dad continued, “Of course, I will pay you for the extra time of hire for your excellent vehicle.”

The man held up his hand for silence. In deliberate tones, he said,

“We Chinese say, we do not argue with a wounded man.”

He passed on to me his self-taught travel skills. He taught me to walk past uniformed manned barriers with a confident smile and a subdued jaunty step. He gave me to interpret “Strictly Private! Access Forbidden To Unauthorised Personnel” as “Please come in Peter Pilley! You are warmly welcome here!”

Moved beyond words by this dignified and final refusal of recompense, my Father left and returned to pack and fly home.

Here’s another recollection. My Dad had taken an internal flight, possibly in East Africa. 

In those days, the 1950’s, these aircraft would briefly land to allow for refuelling. 

On this occasion, Teddy was thrilled to be allowed off the plane. The fuel was kept in metal drums. It was pumped to the plane by hand. My Dad always carried a Minox miniature camera in each pocket, one with colour, the other with black and white film. The format was 8 x 11mm film in cartridges of 50 shots. Over many years of intercontinental travel, he took quantities of photos. The prints were 6.4 x 8.9 cm. He used photo albums. I have many today.

The time came for the passengers to board and for the flight to continue. Mr. Pilley was nowhere to be seen. 

Soon this jungle landing strip was ringing out with shouts of, “Mr. Pilley!”

Looking pleased with himself, and having bagged good photos of tropical butterflies and giant bamboo, to the relief of the entire complement of passengers and crew, Mr. Pilley wandered back.

My late and great Father’s most lasting and valuable legacy was to have taught me all he knew about the effective techniques of Hitch-hiking, in the UK and Europe. While studying at St John’s College Oxford, he was already a pioneer of Lorry Jumping. Low-loader trucks in the 1920s were slow enough to allow a young man to throw himself and his backpack on board.

I did precisely this at 4am on the Cromwell Road in summer 1966. I worked out the right interval after pressing the button at a pedestrian controlled crossing on the Cromwell Road to “trap” my lorry.

I jumped on a low-loader flat top. Unnoticed, I held on to some rope. I was bounced along on the M4 to the amusement of overtaking lorry drivers who didn’t give me away!

My Father was a natural raconteur, and he loved retelling his adventures to family gatherings. Though I remember only scraps of a few of them, I now have a stock of my own tall tales to tell.

I can recall in detail how I was lost, picked up and taken off the street at 2am by three secret police in a middle east town. I was questioned politely in depth and in impeccable English.

This night-time encounter was civil and low-key. However, I was not born yesterday. If I had aroused their suspicion, or if my photos of that evening had been developed, I knew I could have been detained for a very long time.

In the end, they returned me to my hotel after a good-natured night time tour in the latest model of Mercedes-Benz upholstered in white leather. The tour was ilustrated with their own amusing stories of mayhem at the time of the recent Gulf War. Please don’t ask me to elaborate, I cannot compromise my sense of self-preservation.

The Gentleness of Being swans out of sight.

The Gentleness of Being is recognised by the traces it leaves as it swans out of the direct line of sight.

The detectable traces of the Gentleness of Being tend towards small-to-invisible.

The breathwork of the Gentleness of Being is uncountably slow, and so shallow, it barely introduces enough oxygen into its domain to keep itself conscious.

The passage of the Gentleness of Being is shared with all who believe with an unnameable yearning in the sight of its customary retreat towards humility.

The Gentleness of Being comprises of a telling smile. That smile is unconditional, yet all conditions are coloured by it. The smile is non-attached, non-dual, yet the Universe would fall from existence, if the telling smile did not exist.

The smile of the Gentleness of Being has no definition. Every iteration of any expression that may direct a single point of focus towards the smile results in instant evaporation to a null point.

Am I chatting about love? Am I reaching into the heart of One-ness?

~ Love is present E v e r yN o w

Gentleness of Being

In love

Signature poem from the Year of my Life 2013

In love

꧁  E❤️v🧡e💛r💚yN💙o💜w  ꧂

All my life I have rejected the offered set route. I have built on my lived experience. My lived experience continues to be my guide and my growing bedrock. This is because I am a person who has always conversed intensely with his interior self.

Some time after my epiphany of 2013, when I saw my own heart after my first Biodanza experiences blasted it open, I completely abandoned outcomes and I focused purely on the journey.

I had been in this state for many years previously, because I had isolated my true self behind defences. What hit me during my first intense Biodanza connections was the loss of my identity into the presence of another’s identity.

After these shock waves, I could only focus purely on the journey, because I had utterly lost all connection to previously acquired inner certainties I had assumed I could rely on as fixed and determined. I did not have any handholds or footholds to use as my guides.

The past had vanished in a flash. I could not use my past to understand what had happened to me, or where I was going, or even what manner of identity I could call my own. I knew only that this was obviously blissful and harmless.

What next? From 2013 onwards, all I had left was the journey. I asked questions of my friends in the Biodanza tribe. I researched through the Internet to try and understand what had happened to me. I shared where I was now with others who might help me understand this untrodden path.

Much later on, maybe four or five years later, I came to the understanding that there is nothing to arrive at, nothing to understand. This is my “Everything Is”, when the vastness of Acceptance beyond intellectual searching makes an ever widening landing stage to tread on. And so my journey never ends.

My days became filled not by my actions or by my intentions, but by an ever growing sense of validation in the moment. I had an overwhelming sense that I was living in a completely new space. Nothing was familiar.

Nothing I could choose to do had meaning any more, because I could find nothing from my lived past that shed light on where I was. All I had for certain was the feeling of a gentle but tangible joy, much like that indeterminate feeling of butterflies in the tummy when in love.

The big difference here, then and today, is that I am in love with everything, all of the time, and I have no single object of that love. This state of grace is almost beyond description. Its main quality is newness. Everywhere I go with my body and / or with my senses, my experiences are often like one recently hatched, who is endlessly surprised at the continual newness of it all.

The joy and the peace of it is unshakeably strong.

What once opened to me so long ago through the regular practice of Biodanza will remain open. Open now, it will never close.

It will be with me till my dying day.

“Journey” is my signature poem I wrote at that time.

꧁  E❤️v🧡e💛r💚yN💙o💜w  ꧂

JOURNEY

And my journey begins with my every breath

And the journey is my home

Love begins with every step of my journey

And love is in my home

Because love illuminates my journey

The journey is my dance

I love my journey

Because the dance never ends

So my journey is ever young

It is born, and born and born again

The words I use

One love


🎶
Change the words I use changes the person I am.


I choose love because love says it all.
Every word I choose to use stirs up love.


The choices are many.
There is only one love.
So I choose love

~ Love is present E v e r yN o w

My heart beats for both Peters

My tribute to Peter Herrick, my namesake.

Before he was drafted into the Ultra Secret Enigma cryptography operation at Bletchley Park, my future Father, AT Pilley, served at Aldergrove aerodrome, Belfast.

AT Pilley pointing, seated left in photo from ‘Combat Report’, by Hector Bolitho, 1943

This was one of a group of merchant navy air defence stations, tasked mainly to protect vital shipping lanes bringing supplies from America into ports like Liverpool. He was at first Squadron Leader, then Intelligence Officer.

My Dad and his young wife Nora became friends with one of the Spitfire pilots. My Dad and he would fly to Hendon Aerodrome, Colindale, north of London, and motor from there to Aylesbury to spend some Leave time together at Hazel Cottage.

Today, I look again at the heart-warming snapshot of my Mum and Dad together. I ask who could have held the camera?

The cottage is at the end of a farm track, after a ‘No Through Road’ leads to the hamlet called Sedrup Green.

The dwellings, including Hazel Cottage, are set around the cow pasture belonging to Sedrup Farm. Sedrup can be seen on the Domesday Map drawn up by command of William the Conqueror in 1086AD. Most of them are still there.

If Sedrup is a remote place today, it was all but undiscoverable in the 1940s. Many people from the nearest village of Stone, some twenty minutes walk away on the Aylesbury to Oxford Road, had never been to Sedrup.

Water was drawn in buckets from garden wells, with the exception of one with a spring-fed pond. Mains gas and electricity only arrived here in the 1960s!

My Father’s family in London would not have visited. It was wartime. My Mother was the only member of her extended family from the Netherlands not living in Occupied Europe.

I am of the belief that the third person, the taker of this unguarded intimate scene, could only have been Peter Herrick, my namesake!

One tragic night over the Irish Sea, the plane carrying this young man and some of his RAF colleagues bound for weekend leave in Liverpool developed engine trouble. It crashed into the sea with the loss of all on board. My Father had been invited, but had refused on this occasion.

The pressures and constraints placed on the scarce aviation resources at that period sadly were contributing factors of such mishaps.

The young man’s name was Peter Herrick. I was born just under a year after VE Day. My parents named me Peter in a tribute to their dear friend Peter Herrick.

With his trademark sleuthing for adventure, my Dad took time out on an assignment in New Zealand in the 1970’s and tracked down living relatives of his old friend

My heart beats for both Peters. And my continuation is in some measure our mutual redemption and a way of honouring renewed life made safe to live through human sacrifice on unimaginable scales!

~ Love is present EveryNow

Peace through mutual understanding – a unique life defining vision.

In the time I was growing up, smoking was universally practised all over the world. Along the Oxford Street pavements, for example, there were tens of thousands of spent matches. Matchsticks and, curiously enough, large numbers of hairpins.

At one time, when I owned a spring-loaded toy Howitzer cannon, I would beachcomb Oxford Street for nice clean matches to pick up and use as ballistic projectiles. I think some adult or other forbade me to use a pen-knife to sharpen them to a point. It never make sense to me to fire safe blunted projectiles!

The Linguists’ Club was my Dad’s pet project from the early 1930’s. He told my Mum, who told me that he never made any profit with it. He subsidised it out of love and his deeply held belief in the principle of world peace through nurture of understanding between world populations.

This was a common reaction against the horrors of the recently ended War. Think League of Nations, United Nations, and the growing numbers of international trade and government organisations which provided him with plentiful work as professional conference interpreter.

It’s obvious that my Dad could have bought a flat elsewhere in London. A residential terraced street of family homes each with its own garden, just like 53 Greenway, SW20 7BJ. My wife and I wanted exactly such a neighbourly environment for our children to grow up in.

My Dad could not and would not abandon his lifetime career of successful international conference interpreting.

So we lived comfortably in the flat above the business. In the Linguists’ Club’s extensive corridors and classrooms on the ground floor, passive smoking would have been utterly unavoidable. It did not occur to us as possible or desirable to avoid breathing nicotine smoke.

I can easily imagine Thadée would have felt supremely grateful to have had the great good fortune to survive, mainly due to his non-combatant work at Bletchley Park for the Enigma project. I can see anyone with a background of shared wartime work, helping to create a “free world” would be inspired to carry on with those same principles, if the opportunity presented itself.

The Linguists’ Club motto was “Se comprendre c’est la Paix”. Peace through mutual understanding.

It was my Father’s choice to live above the business. His interpretation assignments were mostly nearby in Central London. The premises were rented on a 50-year lease from the Grosvenor Estate. He occupied it from just before the War, till my Mother’s death in 1975.

I heard grumblings from others in my family that my existence in a flat tucked away in a Belgravia cul-de-sac, and isolated from all possible children of my age, left me at a disadvantage, in a sort of fishtank existence.

I had no neighbours to play with. My classmates at my school, a few minutes’ walk away in Cadogan Square, Chelsea, were not welcome, because ours was a flat above our working business six days a week. Privacy and lack of disturbance were necessary.

In the afternoons when school was over, I would mix with the old and the elderly Club members. I learned how to make grown-up small talk. Upstairs in our family flat, I read huge dictionaries for the fun of discovering words.

Our recreation consisted mainly of weekends at Hazel Cottage. I am told I first used to go there in my baby basket on the black leather back seat of our old car, a black Rover, registration number FYW 42. I would stop my crying on the two hour journeys only when the car was moving.

The 1940’s and 50’s were thickly filled with insects, before mass government subsidies were dished out for the blanketing of agricultural land in insecticides. The government had to propel modern agriculture with accelerated yields.

You should know that my particular Weird comes in part from my having forged close personal friendships with grasshoppers, caterpillers, guppies, butterflies, frogs, cows, sheep, and flies. Yes! Houseflies endlessly droning in circles in my little bedroom were my friends and my beloved companions. Their regular irregular buzz soothed me to sleep after lunch on hot summer afternoons.

My upbringing was far less gregarious than almost all my peer group, until I was sent away to boarding school in 1959. Mum was hardly well enough to look after me, with her severe depressions, obliging her to go for long stays in private “Nursing Homes”. I learned later patients were commonly given Electro Convulsive Therapy (ECT) to relieve entrenched depression.

I was at boarding school from 1959 till 1964. It would have been inconvenient to have to look after me at home in the long summer holidays – at least until my Mother had regained some autonomy after her depressions eased.

Frensham Heights co-ed boarding school near Farnham, Surrey, I later found out was a placement of choice to shelter boys and girls from the stresses of failing or failed marriages.

A sequence of random events meant I was sent away to spend blissful successive summer holidays at a remote village 17kms west of Geneva near the Rhône. My hosts were Roger and Germaine Ravey, who spoke no English.

Roger taught me his own working skills. He ran a small business forging iron into customised decorative wrought iron furniture and also homeware, like mirrors, gates and fencing.

I was paid ¢5 Swiss money per unit of decorative wrought iron curls, “volutes”. I made these by heating rods in a charcoal fire and hammering the red hot ends over an anvil to form gentle curls. These modular pieces would then go on to be welded into gates or other decorative elements.

In 2013, my wife and I went back to visit those places with their powerful formative memories. That was when we stayed with Albert Ravey.

One of my black & white photos won first prize in the holiday photo competition at my prep school at 68 Cagogan Square SW3. This school was a ghastly repressive Dickensian establishment where verbal abuse and violent daily physical punishment were the routine teaching tools. Knowledge was crammed. Very conveniently it was only a quarter of an hour’s walk from home, via Belgrave Square.

At various times my Dad smoked a pipe, cigars and, yes, cigarettes too. He was not as skilled at blowing smoke rings on demand for me, as was my beloved Uncle Vivien. My ‘Uncle Vee” was an accomplished architect, an FRIBA. He had a playful sense of fun which never ever left him. Every boy’s favourite uncle!

When her younger bother, Harry Sachs died in 1958, also from lung cancer, there was less fuss. Harry was a most talented artist in watercolour. His life had been saved by being hidden, living alone on an old boat, in Friesland, Netherlands in WW2. My mother and he would paint in the green fields of Sedrup during long summer days in 1950.

Roger and his son, Albert, fourteen years older than me, and built like a film star, took me mountain climbing near Annecy in France. I have photos and vivid memories of that adventure and of all of those halcyon days as a French-speaking “Swiss” adolescent.

Young, alert and fancy-free, I noticed the lack of pasty-faced repressed north Europeans. I made myself a pact. I promised myself one day that I would settle down with a spirited Mediterranean girl.

At one time, briefly, I had a French-speaking girlfriend. Sylvianne Fauchet was a farmer’s daughter living near Epeisses in Avully. We went potato picking together, with dry baguettes, cheese and cheap red wine drunk from a bottle.

Our children offered their combined unified front of strong disapproval of my smoking at home. This was a tremendous stimulus to my giving up. I will always be grateful to the both of them. So many of their generation couldn’t resist tobacco, or worse.

I renewed and deliberately built on my French language skills, written and spoken, from my time at the Lycée Français de Londres, South Kensington (1953 – 59).

I spent hours unndisturbed walking the streets of Geneva in the early 1960’s. It was a cosmopolitan hub, attracting not only tourists from all  over Europe, but families of multinationals, expats working for the UN and other NGO’s.

My Father and Roger had met in 1947, and formed strong brotherly bonds of friendship. During those long weeks in hot summer holiday sunshine (1959 – 63), I learned from Roger, one of life’s naturally gifted motivators, how to throw myself with pride and gusto into physical work, no matter what type.

With my first earned 25 Swiss Francs, I bought a Kodak Brownie 126 camera in a photographic shop in the rue du Mont Blanc. It was owned by a client friend of Roger.

I never spoke English on my idyllic stays in Geneva far from parental control. Instead I resolved to use my near-fluent French to pass myself off as a French boy.

Fifty-one years on, in Switzerland, having managed to track down Albert, who had been the elder brother I never had, I was mortified to hear him gleefully tell me Sylvianne and he had got together too!

So it was I married an amazing Brazilian girl, cold like ice and hot like fire, in 1979. My “Girl From Ipanema”!

Read my EveryNow blog post here:

https://everynow.blog/2020/09/24/face-to-face-with-lifes-extreme-fragility/

My Mother’s brothers all smoked cigarettes. Her older brother, Hans Sachs was by all reports a Renaissance Man whom everyone loved and admired. He died of lung cancer in 1952(?). Someone rang her at home from Holland.

I feel upset to this day to recall her terrible sudden cries of grief. I couldn’t fathom it out. I’d never heard or seen her cry. I walked into their bedroom. My Dad was embracing her to hold her up. He said, “She’s got a headache.”

Few direct truths were told in those times. And I now know so much was kept from me for better or for worse, in order not to “upset” me.

I started rolling my own very slim fags at Frensham Heights School in strict secrecy aged 15. I used Rizla Blue papers, because they were the thinnest. My choice was “A1 Light” tobacco in red two shilling quarter ounce packets with gold foil.

I cannot understand how I avoided lung cancer, though I requently had bronchitis in autumn until I gave up with help from hypnotherapeutic suggestion in July 1994.

Thank you both from the Heart!

Mumbai adventures

Mumbai adventures

I had amazing adventures in my first few hours in Mumbai at the turn of the century, where I’d gone to work a trade exhibition to sign up business magazine advertising contracts.

The second leg of my flight was from Dubai. I arrived at 3am. The airport was quiet. I remember low lighting and a hot, humid atmosphere. A stampede among returning Hajj pilgrims had injured some a few hours earlier. There was very little blood on the airport concourse. 

My luggage had not left Dubai. I found a dimly lit corner office and I got a report sent off. What luck! Emirates Airlines generously allowed me to buy all the smart business clothes I needed for the first day of the exhibition. I was recommended to “Paul”, one of the famous mens outfitters in town. The clothes I bought far excelled in quality what I had thought of as good standards in London. I lashed out on leather shoes, trousers, belt, shirt, tie and a lightweight jacket.

I still had my hand luggage, my trusty briefcase, with my hotel name, my commercial contact lists and personal hygiene essentials.

By this time, all the other passengers on my flight had long since claimed their luggage and were on their onward journeys.

It was after 4 o’clock in the morning local time. I was thirsty. A jolly, middle-aged man with two big shiny chrome cylinders strapped on a backpack frame was dispensing hot, strong Chai sweetened with concentrated milk.

There and then and for the duration of my India saga, I switched off all thoughts about hygiene risks. This was a Good Thing, because later in downtown Mumbai, I could walk the crowded, noisy, colourful streets drinking Lassi* and eating Paan** from random street sellers.

Lassi* is a sweet or savoury Indian drink made from a yogurt or buttermilk base with water.

Paan** is a mildly stimulating reddish paste. It is a mix of gulkand, sugar, cardamon, fenel and other ingredients skillfully wrapped in a betel leaf and sold for a few rupees. At nightfall, the street sellers’ welcoming smiles are lit up by a hanging paraffin lantern.

I noticed two categories of taxi at the airport. The air conditioned ones had windows that opened!

A taxi driver shouted me into his taxi. On the way out of the airport complex, he had an altercation with an armed security guard. The driver won. We left the airport behind.

My driver was an earnest, slim, unsmiling youngish man. He spoke no English. I sat in the dark on the back seat behind the driver.

The motor on my driver’s taxi slowly faltered and then died a mile outside the airport. 

He guided it off the road towards a convenient ditch. He got out, crossed over the dual carriageway, and disappeared into the corresponding ditch. 

A bit later, he urged me in incomprehensible fluent Hindi to follow with my briefcase. Very alarmed, or at least as alarmed as I could be on little sleep and in a state of confusion, I was sure I was about to be parted first from my briefcase and then from my sweet life. Alas and alackaday! 

But no. He’d stepped across the empty dual carriageway to wake his pal, who’d been snoring in his own taxi in his own quiet stretch of ditch, and to call in a favour to lend him his working motor. 

My driver resumed driving his shell-shocked fare to his hotel. In London, I had implicitly trusted our company travel agency to book my modest 3-star hotel.

My place of work for the week was in the Trade and Exhibition Complex in the north area of Mumbai. Our travel agent had booked me into the India Gateway area at least one hour’s drive to the south.

So I rode the 30 kilometres south from the airport on almost deserted urban roads for what seemed like an age, trying not to imagine being dropped off into the arms of some den of thieves and cut-throats. I had not checked before leaving London to see that my hotel was so far from the airport.

I had a one hour each way taxi ride from my hotel to the Exhibition centre. These trips resembled epic National Geographic travelogues. The streets were filled up with moving traffic, two, three and four wheeled, and with animals, both four-legged (oxen, donkeys, goats too I think) and human traffic, mendicants, the handicapped, the slow frail elderly and also business pedestrian traffic.

My taxis to and from the Exhibition centre never stopped weaving between these soft targets and we and they miraculously never collided.

The noisy chaos of big city life in India as a first-time British visitor can never be forgotten. It is as diametrically different in comparison to English town traffic, as the peaceful high glaciers of the Swiss Alps.

These journeys had to be with all windows wide open, so we breathed a mix of thick and sickly-smelling exhaust fumes and the smoke from improvised small roadside bonfires.

The roadside fires were kept alight in the late afternoons by women cooking meals over smokey piles of yellow-burning chunks of road tar. This seemed far and far removed from my limited notions of PC lifestyles.

What excellent common sense, I thought! With peak rush hour finished, motorised traffic, cars, buses and all, nips across the carriageway divider and drives unchallenged using the relatively deserted oncoming lanes. Back home, we could do well to learn this trick of filling up available empty roadspace by mass trespass on the “wrong side” of the road! Road cops, please look the other way.

The rest of my week in Mumbai was similarly highly eventful, though free from potentially life-threatening dramas. I enjoyed my first truly exquisite taste of genuine vegetarian cooking. I clicked my 35mm camera till it became hot, but I kept buying new film, and never ran out. Every day, only warm, open-hearted friendly, smiling people.

It was on my last full day in Mumbai that Lady Luck let me dodge a near-disaster.

Gateway Of India Mumbai, with ferry boats in the background

My work was done. I had had sales successes. On my last day, I felt elated. I was elevated into a curious state of abandon. Perhaps it was my slight fever. I have no idea why, but I was drawn to board a smallish pleasure craft at the crowded passenger port at Bombay Gate of India. 

I paid a few Rupees and walked up a short gang-plank onto a ferry craft the size of large fishing boat. It was unsurprisingly another hot sunny morning. I chatted with a well-to-do Indian couple with two young boys.

As Mumbai grew smaller on the horizon, I decided to lie down on deck to sun myself. After a long while, I started to wonder if this vessel was going to leave Indian territorial waters. In my oddly detached mood on that last morning, I had not thought to ask where the boat was bound.

It was OK, because we disembarked at the magical Elephanta Island,16 km north east of the ferry terminal. This turned out to be a UNESCO World Heritage site, and an amazing tourist destination, popular with families.

Carved into the mountain are seven caves. One has sculptures and carvings dedicated to Lord Shiva, daylight only dimly reaching these and other huge divine figures. There were monkeys roaming free on the island, though they never bothered me.

Years later, I was thrilled to discover photos my Father had taken there in the mid 1950s, about half a hundred years before I myself stumbled there.

It was on the night after my Elephanta Caves adventure before my flight home that I contracted a frightening, serious and debilitating mystery virus. I had a rapidly intensifying dry high fever. I spoke to hotel reception who sent a young doctor to my room from the bustling hospital on the other side of the street. He was dressed in whites, with stethoscope and a bag containing injection needles and phials of colourless liquid. I could see he could not understand why I politely and repeatedly declined an injection.

I cannot imagine today being allowed to undertake intercontinental air travel in my medically challenged state.

Home again, The NHS took my blood sample from my doctor’s surgery and sent it for urgent analysis by motorcycle courier in case I had a Notifiable Disease, such as Malaria. They never discovered what the virus was.

Although I kept working at my desk, I was too physically weak for a couple of months to walk more than a few hundred yards without needing to lie down. It was not enough to only sit down!

Hey ho! We intrepid expeditionary commercial explorer-travellers must march on into the complete unknown again and again!

Hitch-hiking lessons from my Father

Hitch-hiking lessons from my Father

A vintage flatbed truck

In the 1920’s, my Father had been among the early pioneers of Lorry Jumping in England and France. So called, because flat-bed lorries moved slowly enough to hop on board, invited or not.

I tested this one night at a pedestrian controlled traffic light in the Cromwell Road. Having got the timing right, I stepped up and huddled down on some piled up canvas near the driver’s cab. I see in my mind’s eye the laughing faces of overtaking lorry drivers, who knew me for the ‘jumper’ that I was.

Only when we were on the M4 did it dawn on me we might be on our way to Wales. Freezing cold, we stopped in the parking yard of a depot miraculously close to my destination, Wokingham. It was barely dawn. With the driver out of sight, I jumped down. The hot drinks machine was a life-saver.

My father gave me and a school friend practical tuition in the science and art of hitch-hiking in 1963. He drove us to a slow left-hand bend on the new Farnham Bypass. He placed one foot on the road, and raised the flat of his hand with his arm at right angles, like a police stop hand sign. We were astonished that the first car stopped. He politely explained he was all right, only teaching us to hitch-hike!

He was scornful of thumb-waving, which is so synonymous with hitching. The flat of my hand attracts the driver’s attention, and I make eye contact with an unthreatening smile on my face. When the driver pulls up, my good cheer sets the tone for me as a passenger. My job is to provide the driver with the best company I can be in return for the gift of free travel. Tact, diplomacy and good listening skills are important. A hitcher needs to be sensitive to the way the road conditions affect the driver’s decisions to slow down and stop safely. The easiest place to ask the driver for a lift face to face is at a petrol station!

I was once on a long solo hike out of season in February from Torremolinos to the nearest mountain range. Towards the end of the first day, I again followed my Father’s instructions, went into a busy bar, tapped on a glass for silence, and asked if anyone had a bed for the night. A local family put me up and I had a good night sleep.

With my Father’s advice fresh in mind, we took the Newcastle to Norway ferry. We set off from the luxurious Bergen Youth Hostel, and we used the large scale maps I had bought at Stanford in Covent Garden to hitch single track mountain roads, At one barrier, we had to wait till rock blasting had cleared our road!

In the evening after the ferry from Haugesund to Stavanger, we set up tent and had a midnight swim in a fjord. In the morning, another wild camper translated the Norwegian sign: “It is dangerous to bathe here”. Jellyfish!

We crossed the Skagerat by ferry, and got as far as Aalborg. Being a hot August, we were in need of a wash. I am not proud to say I persuaded my pal to take my place after my shower at a small hotel, where I simply walked in as if I was a resident. Some years earlier, my Dad had taught me the art of innocent gate crashing.

We found convenient, large, upturned rowing boats by a lakeside and cheerfully snuck under for a peaceful night sleep in sleeping bags on dry sand.

We hitched to Copenhagen. We made a bee-line for the Little Mermaid statue with bottles of Skol from the brewery itself. After a couple of days we set off very early, caught the ferry to Germany.

We seemed to attract devil-may-care US military personnel with their big brash roadsters, which they’d imported into Germany on Hercules transport aircraft helped by friendly air force contacts.

These jovial men gunned their motors free from speed limits or motorway tolls. In a record 12 hours after 1,400kms, we reached Basel, and a Youth Hostel. Then to stay with friends in Geneva. Onwards to Nice.

In Nice, no one wanted anything to do with us. The problems with the OAS brought by the Algerian war, made people rightly suspicious of strangers asking for lifts. In that same year in France, a pair of my classmates had a brief but terrifying experience which started when the driver’s friend threatened them with a pistol.

Desperate, at a red traffic light, we let ourselves into a car with English number plates. The two well-bred Etonians could not bring themselves to kick us out. They slept in a hotel; we froze on the back seat. In one single lift, they dropped us off in Paris, during its full, crazy, wine-fuelled, 19th WW2 Liberation celebrations.

In the 60’s, I relied on hitch-hiking for transport in London, north to Oxford or Liverpool, and as far west as Fishguard.

I had a weird holiday with another classmate in Ireland in 1965. We thumbed it to Liverpool where we drank Sherry at a Wine Lodge. Overnight ferry to Dublin. Breakfast was a double ration of Guinness at the famous brewery. We pressed on west to Connemara, south to Limerick. We paid 8 shillings to view the Ring of Kerry in 20 yards visibility! Ah, the Irish mist! Then by ferry to Fishguard and train to London.

The following year, I went on a solo hitching tour of Ireland. I repeated the same route, but being on my own, this turned out to be a Rite of Passage. It’s another story.

In those days, in England, you commonly saw young men in blue military uniform stand with their kit by the roadside, thumbing for a lift.

Later, while I worked as a Company Car Delivery Driver in 1992, I successfully travelled between the delivery of one car to the collection of another, ranging from Bournemouth to Manchester. Using no public transport, only by thumbing around, I began to earn good money, because pay was calculated on how many cars we delivered in a day, not on distance driven.

I will not hesitate to polish up my skills and hitch-hike long distances in England again, no matter how “dangerous” or “impossible” it is supposed to have become

The EveryNow blog

WWW.EVERYNOW.BLOG


These blog posts were inspired by an emotional upheaval in 2013. I started to publish them in a blog from 2018. They are about the joyous indescribable entry into the life of the heart.

This is open to all.

Begin by telling yourself out loud you are visiting your own open secret garden. You are not concerned with the removal of old undergrowth that leads to the Garden of You.

Your garden is waiting for you, bathed in sunshine. It is an extraordinary example of cultivated flowers and scented, wild, blossoming glory. It is teeming with the songs and sounds of life.

To journey into your garden, tell to yourself these things out loud…

What I am and what I have is
sufficient.

Touch your fingers lightly and respectfully towards your heart.

With closed eyes, smile to your own heart and be ready.
Magic arrives when love is given time
and space.

Smile to be in your life again.
The way it was, as it always was, time
out of mind.

Remember the story of the Angel who had never been in love, who asked a Ghost, who had,
“What was it like?”
“Like being in life!” said the Ghost.

You are a love story.
Your story is precious, valuable,
healing, sustaining.
Your story is as magic as life itself,
as beautiful as you.

~ Love is present EveryNow

Love contemplative

Self-contemplative love

Love, when it is in a reflective or contemplative mode, is able to stand back from and distance itself from entanglement with the imperatives of earning a living, from the 9 to 5 day-to-day race against time and from all the external urgencies of other people’s making.

Contemplative love can see just the person, the beauty and the light of the soul that first animated it. Love in self-contemplation has the space and time to concentrate on the protection and the nurture of the longer term relationship of the heart with the person…

This is the jewel-like and miraculous nacre, which slowly accretes on the beautiful pearl of trusted relationship with the passage of time.

It is composed of shared tendernesses and the physical tokens of affection from and towards myself over the much longer time scale than the jittery “9 to 5”.

May you drink in sweetness from reflection on and gratitude for what you already have, which I see as the long-wave state, and be ever so glad of it.

And may you ride out with studied, confident, patient acceptance, the ups and downs of what I call the shortwave ripples, so that longwave love can continue, seeing and seen, to be generously shared.

And may love seeded grow ever strong in your heart

~ Love is present E v e r yN o w

꧁༺ Here❤️to🧡stay💛 ༻꧂
Love Contemplative, so what’s it all about?

Here I attend to self-love, made possible by simple self-examination, which awaits discovery a fraction below the surface of reality.

A vision of self-love is awaiting discovery in us each and every one.

Love in self-contemplation removes conditional thinking, and helps peel away superfluous attachments which present as obstacles to clean understanding of the consummate beauty of living in this place and time we call the world.

Above all, love of self, once it is made visible, has the quality of gentleness, soft acceptance, calm relaxation, peace without propulsion. It is a sort of perpetual motion. I imagine a beatific smile which brings the sense of unending safety. No fears, no doubts, only an abiding and unshakable joy.

Think of the half-crazed teenager, lovelorn, overwhelmed by the presence of those delicious ‘butterflies in the tummy’.

Here is where love of self and love bestowed on an object of love can blend together, rather in the way the attention of a person who is in love is fully occupied by the sensation of love and understands there is nothing to differentiate between the heart of loving and the object of love.

This state of aiery bliss is desirable. It is not a prerequisite to peace.

If I know at some level of understanding that I can offer love to others because I can offer love to myself, then the capability necessary for welcoming in love, the most pure grace of all, can suddenly become visible, available, even to the point of being recognised as my inner nature from the beginning of time

More than surviving

The everyday sublime

Beyond survival

I owe an immense debt of gratitude and respect to my inner child who had protected me by drawing on his own primitive source of love. He built defensive fortifications. These served me very well as a necessary place in which to survive.

It was not so much a place of darkness, as a place sequestered from “light”. In truth, there is no darkness, only a passing in front of light. I am talking about the light of human connection, and indeed all forms, from simple conversation to the most universally revered sacred connections.

When those first cracks of light had started pouring into my own dark space, I believed – as is probably natural – that I was finding something exciting outside of myself, when in reality all along what was being revealed to me was my own marvellous light!

For more than half a century, I lived on in the dark. I know I am far from having been alone in spending time at one remove from the full experience of living life in all its abundance and glory.

I knew about the majesty of light and peace, and about the love that can take root and flourish in it. But I neither saw nor yet recognised my own portion of light directly.

The most amazing thing is, when I am fully present in my own light, it connects healthily with the light of others, and in so doing we quite simply reflect each other’s light.

Each time we allow this to happen, with the courage of open hearts, we receive a beautiful and healing reminder of the brightness of our own light.

This is truly it – for me, for us, for the world. We are beacons of light and our challenge is to realise that the light we see outside is a reflection of the light we are inside.

So now, I can be a worshipper as I move in the world of the everyday sublime, in reverent awe at the joy of the little “ten thousand” things all around me wherever I go.

These continual acts of reflective worship continue to allow the light of my original love to shine out, and let it keep shining.

From here, without fear or harm, I can acknowledge another’s light by reflecting to them what they see mirrored in me.

I remember always, respect and honour always – that this is their own light and they are the guardian of their own light.

I do believe the light within all sentient beings has no beginning and no end and I believe it is our connection to the eternal, the divine, the universal vector of all life everywhere

~ Love is present  E v e r yN o w

Biodanza – a thank you

Love in your life

Biodanza – an invitation

Are you curious to bursting to know who you are? Are you willing to brush your reservations aside and go along with a new experience?

If you are saying yes, you are touching in to a highly valuable asset – the courage to give free rein to your curiosity.

Regular practice of Biodanza helps you become comfortable as never before with being acutely and sensitively aware of the presence of other people.

We all are colourful

On Tuesday, the day after my first Biodanza class in February 2013, I see in hindsight I must have been close to falling in love with living my life, for the first time.

I entered a shop to buy something. Ordinary words passed between me and the shop assistant. As we spoke in formal words, and as we held each other’s gaze, I saw the completeness of our mirrored reflections. I recognised my soul as a reflection of her soul in her eyes!

I will always remember the fresh delight of the shock of this new glimpse into the reality of a person who was, like me, living life fully alive. It was a beautiful realisation which included an involuntary falling away of my defensive self-image. I had abandoned the image of the conditioned person I routinely carried in front of me like a cardboard cut-out.

This effacement of self image is an act of humility in which I unconditionally open my heart to acknowledge the heart of the other being. This is an act of honest reverence for the wholesome integrity I am standing so close to. I can easily feel overcome, though not overwhelmed, by the intensity of the other presence.

Ultimately, a mirroring is occurring. Who I am is the “who” I am engaging with. If my self-love is healthy, we are healed by being in this space and time together. Our conjoined presence is similar to, but unlike that rare and unique bond between two lovers. However, here is no mutual exclusivity, no sworn allegiance. Here is a portal to the most precious of states, the unrestricted view of the sanctity of all living beings as seen in the mirror of one.

The validity of this vision of the presence in the round of another soul simply through eye-to-eye contact is a repeatable experience.

The more Biodanza I participated in, the more frequently I saw the living heart of myself reflected in all other hearts.

Creativity flows in dance

If you want love in your life and you want to know love as it exists in every person that you meet, bar none, let the regular practice of Biodanza be a part of your life.

My life changed for the better and forever from 2013! Thank you, Biodanza!

~ Love is present EveryNow

Apophatic Ecstasy

Apophatic Ecstasy – a few literary snippets which help me explain what I am about

The centre from which I live, from which I derive unconditional joys, from which and into which the certainties of my existence keep bouncing back and forth I understand to be the practice of a form of mysticism known as Apophatic Ecstasy.

If you want life to get easier, mysticism may disappoint you. If you want it to become much more interesting, you are looking in the right place.

In the practice of pragmatic apophatic mysticism, as in other mystical traditions, one makes a profound surrender. But it does not have to be surrender to a God, nor to an atheism. It is rather surrendering to an experiential process. The process does not involve claims or denials, beliefs or disbeliefs, or any assurance that either truth or self-deception can be verified.=

The apophatic mystic has a realisation of being a participant in a mystical process, and through surrender to it, is able to intimately engage and enjoy its dynamics.

Looking at the various mystical traditions, we find analogues of this surrendering process in almost all of them.

Surrender allows us to fall into a psycho-physical disposition which puts us in touch with an astonishing dynamic, one that is naturally found in the ground of our being. We learn how to let our psyche liberate itself.

It sounds naive, but summoning this deliverance is a knack which can be learned. It is demonstrable and is almost always reliable: At every moment you have a natural ability to decide how well you want to feel about being in this world.

Mystical experience can be noted by four characteristics: transiency, passivity, noetic quality, and ineffability. Perhaps also a fifth, that mystical experiences can involve an altered state of consciousness — trance, visions, suppression of cognitive contact with the ordinary world, loss of the usual distinction between subject and object, weakening or loss of the sense of the self, etc.

I am able to say that during my travels so far, I have been infused through various levels of surrender so that I can easily intimately touch into a sense of dynamic unity with absolutely everything. This is a blissful condition of awareness which involves a strong submission to the passive acceptance of the transience of the life I am living inside and outside.

The resulting ability to loose (or forswear) the usual distinction between subject and object, and to be witness on occasion to the weakening or loss of a sense of the self is a gift ranging between mildly amusing, through shades of pleasant, all the way to extremely blissful.

Language for communication is structured on objects, on duality, and on one thing being conditional on another. If I try to tell you what is going on while I am standing in a place filled with pure wonder which is moving me close to shedding tears of joy, what are the words I choose? Matters of the heart, promptings from the soul, upwellings from my spirit and from my core being are hard to procure from memory. Memory made from words, words found in the dictionary, either lack visible meaning, or simply are not here to be found. This is what I understand as “ineffable”.

Such views of the world from a place of quasi-holiness are so beautiful, that I feel compelled to try to share with others. I do this online through my outdoor photography, my art, and in the publication of my EveryNow blog posts in this link: http://www.everynow.blog

[Sources, Raymond Carl Sigrist, “In love with everything – Apophatic Mysticism”, published by Infinity.com]

[Wikipedia, search for Apophatic Mysticism]