A cry that escaped from my Mother

I am haunted by a cry that escaped from my Mother while she was very depressed.

I think she may also have suffered from Bi-Polar but in the early 1960’s there was little or no understanding of it.

She said, “I have been a bad mother to you!” Absolutely not, of course. And I did try to tell her so.

She died many years later in 1975, and by that time she had found a tremendous amount of peace and personal reconciliation.

However, she could not have known how my life was to become one of success in terms of peace of mind, stability, and my ability to maintain myself in quality employment.

Still less could she have guessed or even believed that I would become a happy father of a sweet healthy family in a long term loving relationship of conventional marriage. Thirty-eight years and counting.

Some things are only given to us to fully know at some distant and unknowable point. In the grand timescales of the Universe. Cause and effect may be linked, yet the threads of connection are forever beyond our everyday understanding.

There is a somewhere where she knows we are all healthy and happy.

For this my heart is at peace. For this my gratitude has no end.

I know this… You and I and all of humanity are subject to the same mysteries of love on immensely grand unknowable cosmic timescales

Freedom beyond imagined desire

We live in Southbourne-on-Sea, mere seconds walk from the clifftop path, looking West, East and South out over the long reaching fin of the north-east Atlantic — call it The Channel, call it La Manche.
The surface is forever changing, surprising, pleasing.
But it’s the teeming collective sea-lives I am imagining, as I stand, look and open up my submariner senses.
I take my imagining under and deep.
I tense and relax inside of the cubic kilometers of freedom. Freedom as beyond any fixed measure as a sphere. Freedom beyond imagined desire.
I let me to wander alongside the floating populations, the slow tribes, the single species moving with one accord. With my mouth, with my eyes, I lead. My undulating slow tail follows.
This is a place of communication. The crustaceans, the fish, all go clickety on their busy ways.
Half a lifetime of my puny swimming, and I come into earshot of the fabled Songs of Whales, those companies of poets and musicians. My mammalian relatives have developed their societies, and they live out the proud cycles of their generations on the same scale as this oceanic universe.
And I find I too can float, and I let my five-pointed star body hang with the barely visible bodies, the water-clouds of trillions, the fractal delicacy of diatoms.
I strain a little, look below and I see the swaying of the dark slippery forests of kelp.
Against my flanks I sense the varied gradients of pressure, from abyssal deep to top frothing waves.
At depth, my body is belittled by vibrations of very long wavelengths, many orders of magnitude greater that the hugest floorstanding bass speakers. This unaccustomed effect is unnerving and soothing in equal measure.
My sensitive skin is surprised by the variegated temperature shifts in the flows of water bands.
The diversity of temperature and pressure in these limitless, liquid, gravity-bound masses I compare, in my air-breather way, to the hourly, diurnal and seasonal colour changes in our familiar etherial domed world.
All awestruck, I visit and I revisit the subsurface of my mind’s eye, because it is a massive naked mirror to the elsewhere worlds of air and starry night skies
~Love is present EveryNow
[For the photo, my thanks to Heike Jenkins’ Zippo, Fierce Contemplator of Oceans]

It’s what hearts do!

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“When you talk to yourself in your mind, which self do you address? And how? Usually people do not talk to their divinity, but to the most superficial aspects of their everyday personality.
And often its a stream of fears, and mindless repetition of old things. If we talked that way to another human being, we would have to apologise.
Learning to talk properly to the self is a spiritual endeavour. Thoughts from the past and worries about the future do not create good conversation. Instead learn to talk to your mind as if it were a child. Talk to it with love.
If you just force a child to sit down, he won’t. A good mother knows how to prompt her child into doing what she wants.
Be a good mother to your mind, teach it good, positive thoughts so that when you tell it to sit quietly, it will. Love your mind. Speak Stay happy.”
~
Peter Pilley 20160816: This advice is absolutely spot on, true and brilliant.
I say, speak to your own mind with all of the vocabulary of love that you can find. You have a wide and extensive memory full of loving phrases, love songs, love lyrics. Use these at every possible opportunity!
And become more and more inclined to reach out to yourself and to those nearest and dearest to your heart with these words of admiration, encouragement, praise and simple smiling kindness.
Let drop expletives, and rough-cut gutter words, because they can all be substituted by exclamations of positive surprise, even of love.
If you stop, make time for yourself, because there is something you can do. I do it.
Eyes closed, touch your fingertips into your own heart in a peaceful moment of open enquiry.
Put any smile on your face, and it is your smile to your own heart. You will see that all your heart ever wants to do, all it ever wanted to do, is to sing songs of love to the glory of you.
It’s what hearts do! And with practice, this is what you can see more and more clearly.
All of self love begins with conversations full of positive words, and reassurances.
I’d be inclined to first seek out those in my circle who have the honesty and compassion to say such things to my face…
And listen to them. And believe their words are sacred, because it is their heart who speaks ❤️❤️❤️

♡Meditation on the heart♡

♡Meditation on the heart♡

The physical universe has its own natural dignity in the general order of existence. That dignity deserves its own respect.

Reality is apparent through its magnificent spectrum of wavelengths.

Where reality ends and something else begins, possibly connected with quantum reality, or to do with the threshold of an important and blindingly beautiful stasis, is also a boundary which we humans are privileged to inhabit.

Nothing is black and white. Light, like love, is infinitely graduated.

Everything is just how it is.

I come back again and again to realising that the Way of Being of whatever we attend to is entire and sufficient to itself. It is enough. It is always and perpetually enough.

It is an expression of the way the universe loves its own. This is a love that holds and contains those gigantic energies science has been showing us.

Intense love quenches every last residue of fear. The potent awareness of such love is self sustaining. It feels like perpetual motion, eternally safe !

There is a final resting place for the restless mind.

That place is a place of safety unconstrained by and unconcerned by time. It is a not-there which is available, instantly whenever we as individuals need it.

Love is the answer

To which

No question exists

O my Friends!

O my Friends

The course of my life has been influenced by far more people than I have had hot dinners. A diamond sits lifeless and insignificant in the dark.

The more people I meet, and with whom I connect, the more I am empowered to shine.

I reflect the light of fellow shining souls.

Our refractions seen and reflected in turn, cause reality to become real.

Thank you for your influence in my life.

It nourishes my soul.

Thank you for turning your light toward me.

You illuminate my heart, so I find and share grace with more grace.

Thank you honouring me with your Friendship, for its presence by my side delineates my humanity with brushstrokes of the divine

~ Love is present EveryNow

¡ Freeing myself from my illusion of lack of self worth!

 ¡ Freeing myself from my illusion of lack of self worth! 
Last week in the guided relaxation at the end my Yoga class, my teacher was reminding me to thank my lungs for their ability to breathe, to thank my heart for its vital sustain of rhythm, and then she suggested I be thankful to my Soul!

Well I never did hear the like of such a thing before!
Nevertheless, I duly went to my soul and I was thankful.

That’s when I saw the image of an eye form in my mind. 

It was like a black and white artist’s pencil drawing. Undramatic, realistic. Just  this eye gently looking off to the left. I saw it has bushy eyebrows. This was my eye! I was seeing the gentleness in me as others may see it, but I was gazing appreciatively for the first time at serious, nice “me”.

My surprise dissolved the image. However, I was still in a deeply relaxed state, and so I returned to look, still with my eyes closed, at the pleasant sight of the eye I had just seen. The other eye came into view, both now unremarkable, calm, with no drama, and then some of the rest of my own features began to take shape as well.

I had the reaction, “Did you see that!” as of someone in the front seat of a car, who turns round to say to the person on the back seat, who has seen and who knows.

Ever since I had this incontrovertible confirmation of me as my own friend and companion, my heart has been singing new and carefree tunes. I say “ever since” … it’s only been three days!

💃The company of living Angels!🕺

💃The living company of Angels!🕺
The strange thing is that my ability to see and say this, and now to accept it all fully as being who I am, has been “gathering” itself together during these last five years.
My best truth about myself I can say from that time of opening is that, “I am love”.
Strange, because the newness is the main flavour. The newness doesn’t diminish, it continues to grow, so that I feel I date my beginning and I look over my “past” as from 2013. This is the year I call the Year of my Life.
I am able to express this feeling, this impression, directly with few people.
The flow of this abundant spring of natural joy compels me to shine and shout and share.
The odd thing about this knowledge of my original selfhood is that the more I feel intensely I am a pixel in a beautiful picture of humanity, the more I find myself in a new minority.
And so, I open to share with those few whose gentle timeline is also scored with similar music. Music sounded is one of the purest examples of the way light arises, shines, and is refreshed from Awareness.
You, I, we are not alone, though.
You, I, we, all are gifted at birth with this Awareness. It’s a wonder strange and so very good to think we are all in the company of living Angels!