Ghastly admission

Intuition colours

I am tempted to step forward with a ghastly admission. All my life I have addressed my Intuition for guidance, understanding and comfort. The conversation is intense, fairly constant and rather lonesome. The vocabulary and range of expression increase slowly with advancing years.

When I overhear an argument where the discussion concerns the validity of abstract and unproven concepts at the heart of the “eternal” questions about Life, the Universe and Everything, and where the protagonists appear to be acquisitive in their quest for knowledge, my intuition shouts and shakes me to identify the simplest common factor, or the least complex set of sentences with the fewest sub-clauses or dependent clauses.

My Intuition seeks out the closest thing to a smell of the axiomatic, the first most viscerally appealing positive statement, and my Intuition homes in on the mystical, the emotive, and the form of expression most swiftly sensitising and arousing the poetic in me.

For “in me”, read “in my Heart”. For “Heart” read “the Peace and Love from which we all come and are constituted and to which we all return”.

All we have is the utmost we can offer using the entire range of our intellectual abilities allied to those of the past giants on whose broad shoulders we are conscious of standing and reaching up from.

We ultimately arrive at a position from which we can and really ought to say, “The only wisdom we can hope to acquire is the wisdom of Humility. Humility is endless.” (ts eliot)

I seek my truth in deliberate isolation from the forces of competing theories. I recognise that this can be legitimately regarded as wilful intellectual laziness. It is a form of puerile anti authoritarian rebellion. It is ghastly to admit. Yet my thirst for discovering who and what I am has for all these years been slaked by my strong allegiance to that intangible unidentifiable “Intuition”.

There never will be for us in these our human frames of reference a completion, a knowledge whose purity contains no further questions. I have found an entirely satisfactory conclusion. By this I mean it is one which satisfies my deepest need to identify with a balance between my Awareness as a sentient being and Sufficiency of purpose in mind and body.

I do not regard it as a conclusion at all, but as a set of tools by which to measure my days, travel time, and reflect on my life among other lives in an inevitable plurality of beings, all of whom deserve respect for being each their own ambassador of life’s abundance

~ Love is present E v e r yN o w

NOTICE awareness

Awareness is not the result of practice for practice implies the formation of habit; habit is the denial of awareness.

Awareness is of the moment and not a cumulative result. To say to myself that I shall become aware is not to be aware. To say that I am going to be non-greedy is merely to continue to be greedy, to be unaware of it.

How to approach a complex problem? Surely it’s not by meeting complexity with complexity; approach it simply, and the greater my simplicity the greater will be the clarification.

To understand and experience Reality there must be utter simplicity and tranquillity. “Must” does not imply compulsion, merely a reminder, a statement of what Reality is.

When I suddenly see a magnificent scenery or come upon a great thought, or listen to great music, I am utterly still. Human minds are not simple, but to recognize complexity is to be simple.

If I wish to understand myself, my complexity, there must be open receptivity, the simplicity of non-identification. But so often people are not aware of beauty or complexity, and so we chatter on.

With acknowledgement of thanks to Krishnamurti

I am a creature of thoughts

*No question; answer is before*

I, five-pointed star creature, am a creature of thoughts. I think because I think. I am amused and bemused by the thoughts I listen to.

I receive parental and peer suggestion that encourage me to rely on my “powers of thought”.

I am later informed of the pointlessness of over-thinking, and later still I am warned about giving credence to the chattering “monkey” mind.

I am in truth another creature of the gardens of Eden, alike unto the sentient beings who share my air, earth, and water.

I am naturally attuned to the rhythms of light and dark, hunger and thirst.

I am another seeker after warmth and the supportive companionship of others like myself.

The time I spend in awareness of my own awareness is self absorbing and attractive.

Think! How much time do I devote to my physical comfort, to awareness of my bodily condition?

Stop! What feedback is my muscular framework giving me?

Ask! What if any noteworthy messages am I receiving from my soma, my joints and tendons, my fascia, the involuntary state of my breathwork?

I can do myself a simple and all-too-rare an honour by listening to myself, by conversing with my soma.

I, as five-pointed star creature, breathe and beat time to a clock of blood.

The form of this timepiece is as far from the assumed reality of my bird-like thought patterns as the ocean depths are from the jetstream.

Pause and see all these are interconnected.

It is when I am injured or unwell that I can see examples of the ungraspable timescales on which my body clock operates.

As I begin to recover, to recuperate, I cannot see any needle on a dial that moves towards wholeness or wellness. It becomes apparent with hindsight, and then only by an effort of will, that I can compare yesterday with today and observe minor changes for the better.

Happiness depends so much more than I have been led to believe on living, on carrying out the routines that sustain my bodily functions.

To tell myself I depend on one part or other of who I am – whether it is mind, body or spirit – is to miss the wood for the trees.

I am inclined to grasp at fleeting satisfactions, pleasures, successes, drownings. Howsoever tangible they are, they are passing moments in the greater flow.

When the flow is seen to be where and what and who I am part of, that is when I can rest, take my ease, find comfort and be for the most part at peace with myself and with my fellows.

“Summer and Winter

Come and go;

See the sense of season

Sleep naked of reason”

My instant seeds my awareness

🔹 My instant seeds my awareness 🔸
Brief! My life is absurdly brief
My awareness is sufficient and all Sufficiency is latent joy
Brief is my life. Brief
I am anchored by joy flying my awareness
Brief! Life is absurdly brief
Joy of the sufficing instant is the bubble of nascent gratitude burst open
Your eternity and mine are microcosmic small
Waves of understanding bioluminesce.
No time. No time in short life for time
Awareness of joy is more than sufficient. Drink drink the dazzle display

What is our brief eternity, yours and mine, when one instant of it, just one is sufficient to go frolicking in the ocean of our instants ?

💃The company of living Angels🕺

💃The living company of Angels🕺
The strange thing is that my ability to see and say this, and now to accept it all fully as being who I am, has been “gathering” itself together during these last five years since 2013.
My best truth about myself I can say from that time of opening is that, “I am love”.
Strange, because the newness is the main flavour. The newness doesn’t diminish, it continues to grow, so that I feel I date my beginning and I look over my “past” as from 2013. This is the year I call the Year of my Life.
I am able to express this feeling, this impression, directly with few people.
The flow of this abundant spring of natural joy compels me to shine and shout and share.
The odd thing about this knowledge of my original selfhood is that the more I feel intensely I am a pixel in a beautiful picture of humanity, the more I find myself in a new minority.
And so, I open to share with those few whose gentle timeline is also scored with similar music. Music sounded is one of the purest examples of the way light arises, shines, and is refreshed from Awareness.
You, I, we are not alone, though.
You, I, we, all are gifted at birth with this Awareness. It’s a wonder strange and so very good to think we are all in the company of living Angels!

From Breath to Love

From Breath to Love – A guided meditation

TUESDAY 25th SEPTEMBER was the monthly Breathwork session “From Breath to Love – Conscious Breathing Circle” held by Karolina Mikulicz here in our home town.

When I arrived, I was the only one attending! So we agreed to have a 1-2-1 session.

After what happened to me in the last fortnight, I was in a state of high sensitivity and receptivity. I may share in another piece of writing, when I feel to gather the story together. It’s enough to say I had begun to make preparations in the last few days in the light of reasonable cause to believe the days of my life were numbered. It transpires that I am in no such danger. This is relief that I compare to being hit by a ton of bricks.
Karolina is, to me, wise far beyond her young years. Knowing how she has assimilated the healthy therapeutic effects of her own daily Breathwork practice over many years, I have come to have complete confidence in her skills as guide and facilitator. We always reach deep when we work together.
So, to be brief, (a tricky skill for me!) an obscuring chunk of cliff face fell away… almost all resistance due to fear melted away as if under high intensity radiation.
In the course of this evening’s guided Breathwork I found my core being, I call it: my unchanging awareness. I found my unfractionated identity, I see it as a white transparency with no material substance yet having the form of a swan’s body and whose being is available in maximal energy to enfold with arms, protect without limit or condition, to imbue me with life-power while not at all concealing or covering me.
In 1977, I had come face-to-face with this core essence of my being with the common descriptor being a white-hot kernel. The image of a light concentrated into white heat had arrived then. During my awakening in 2013, and ever since, up till today, the vision of awareness of my own heart has been of an orange-gold glow in my heart space.
In summer 1977, I entered a period of pain and incomprehension, and an involuntary process began. One by one, layers of self identity fell away from me. I felt with great alarm that I was soon to lose my sanity. At length all that was left of this 31 year old man, of his certainty and his received assumptions about himself was reduced to a white-hot molten pool resting immobile at the bottom of a huge immovable crucible.
Today’s “Real”isation arrived as a direct effect of having been able to release all vestiges of fear of trying and seeking by walking in the bravery of trust and innocent belief in the total support of the earth under me and the clean oxygen I fill my lungs with.
Something changed tonight.
There was no upheaval and certainly no pain. Pain comes only as an equal and opposite reaction to resistance. Abandon of resistance and its replacement with the gentleness of compassion and a childlike humility is what characterised the session this time. Karolina threw at me unanswerable questions. She stayed, guided and was by my side. I responded from my truth.
Later, at the end, we talked. This is how I tried to make clear what had changed inside during the latter part of our working session. A sacred chant that I remember I had sung before, and whose Sanskrit words I had learned, had been playing in the background. I was not the listener with this music in my ears. The music was playing me and my hearing was the music playing. The music was playing in me. I was conscious of not being the listener. I had no involvement in the joining of the music with my hearing.
A blending took place that I was fully aware of as it happened. I have entered a fusion between my core original self and the sensory experience of the material World around me.
Here I can not go all the way with words to describe this. I was totally receptive to the music while not needing to make any conscious effort at distinguishing it as musical sounds to which I was paying attention. The effect was of music happening in the way my blood happens to circulate in my body. The music was involuntarily musical in me. This utterly new experience was welcome and most lovely. I felt with all my senses and all my awareness the freshness of it.
With this clearing, whatever happens next, my lack of fear of my own death has received a big boost.
Karolina suggested I write up about this session. My thanks to Karolina takes the form of this short description.

“Benedictus benedicat”

“Benedictus benedicat”
I am 100% certain of my own death. I am ignorant of the time when I will die.
So now what choices are left to me?
Quietly stated, I can choose to open my heart to love my fellow journeyers and to honour the life flame which expresses itself as the one I call me.
I can turn to face up to myself, and sharpen and hone my acute awareness of my body and my mind with every breath and heartbeat.
I can close my inner eye and in the dark I can feel the hearts beat of all my loved ones – family, friends, of every single one whose path has crossed and touched mine.
My ancestors make themselves known to me in the living, working. expressions of my body, and in the inheritance of my capacity for thought.
I can give thanks for choices without end.
Principally, I have the ability to bend towards all who have made reality of my existence.
My gratitude is in the immediacy of every instant my blood and my flesh support my survival. My bloodline is a small drop in a chartless oceanic journey of blood lines.
Love is the bed of our moving blood ocean.
I am at peace in a storm of fiery life!
I am overflowing with gifts none of which I created, but all of which arise from the mystery of peace from which my compassionate heart flames into life.
It is all entirely sufficient.
I want for nothing.
Love is present
I am ready

sunlight as I pass between trees

Awareness is a flash of sunlight as I pass between trees

The surprise of the surprise surprises me in the deepest place of the me I call myself.
This sudden sensory spike, inescapable, melts into my innermost now.
It replaces immediately my previous aloofness, and in doing so, brings me into the small brilliant explosion of shattered disinterest.
This is how one glint of sunlight lights my living awareness.
O, these tiny awakenings
(ah my heart flip-flops)
are sufficient joy for a lifetime.
In a moment