a happy ripple in a continuum of life

My state is open and aware and quiet.

The self I call “I” is a flat calm transparent natural boundary. Clear water is deep down, air is deep up.

The surface is almost colourless, without ripple or feature. It extends without horizon, but never leaves my sight.

In such a state I can ride and stay in balance during the time I am presented in the here and now with thoughts, feelings, distractions and discomfort.

Here, from my surface I offer this.

It is through my extraordinary journey of unanticipated heart awakening, around the time I began the regular practice of Biodanza in February 2013, that I know I can fully access healing. That, together with other understandings related to identification of ancient hurts and the resolution of previously unrecognised confusions, have granted my awareness of myself the opportunity of expansion and room in which to expand.

As I become self-aware, aware of the sanctity of the gift of life being lived and experienced more and more abundantly, so in equal measure I value the gift of life in relation to other living sentient beings.

What comes from living in such a new and richly jewelled life is a greater gratitude than I have ever known. It has far reaching implications on my remaining days of life. It is the ever-growing understanding that my life is not a discrete occurrence only in me. I am a pixel of humanity, and life is living through all things and beings, sentient and not sentient.

I am a happy ripple in a continuum of life. Life lives me as I live life.

Here’s the thing… Nothing has changed! Everything is utterly different and constantly completely new! The newness is “EveryNow”.

I begin my journey of exploration and discovery all over again from the very start every moment. Nothing existed in the previous instant of this awareness of existence to guide me to where I am. At any given moment, I look forward with barely containable excitement to the certainty of discoveries in the moment following.

I think of it like this. For the first fifty years I had been “Living to Love”, which is decorous, pretty, even beautiful, but it is an existence limited by inconsequential superficiality.

As my heart awakes and presents its face towards me to greet me, my heart starts “Loving to Live”.

This is the wholesome, plain and simple adoption of the richly textured reality of here and now, of “EveryNow”.

I am no longer secreted away in a place of safety of my own elaborate construction, but I go shining with gratitude and wonder at the mere fact of being vital and alive.

This is a state of being which is totally raw, exposed and vulnerable, but simultaneously full of living courage, and naked certainty.

Unencumbered by fear, my state of being can freely develop in its self-expression in the knowledge that it has its permanent residence in the secure environment of the heart’s pure and spectacular peace.

We are all capable of healing.

It’s about trusting love to come into close contact inside my most personal sacred space, and knowing that there, in that serene place of peace, I can heal.

We all just can

~ Love is present EveryNow

Mystery of EveryNow

What is this innocence?
I see it everywhere.
It flows with
visible invincibility.
A newborn wild animal
looks at me.
Twin acceptances of awe.
Everything happens
Differentiation occurs
It is observed in the EveryNow.
The joy and the beauty of the EveryNow I am bathed in
— and which I share with sentient life and with nonliving elements —
are ecstacies
that flame up
from my perception
from the vortex of axiom
seen only by my newborn eye
they honour me with the vision of the burning ungraspable plasma
The mystery of EveryNow
~ Love’s presence EveryNow

Toddler in the jungle

I grew up toddling through my very own jungle all of my own discovery.
I was discovering wild – literally ‘wild’ – vegetation and flora. It was chock full of strange animals. The feelings and the inner conversations I shared with this natural jungle form an important part of my earliest memories of my own communion with this planet I had been born onto.
This was the world of hay meadows, pastures filled with flowers as vulnerable, as delicate and as small in scale as I myself.
This was a world of deep peaceful mid-England summer countryside over which blue skies glowed. A world in whose numberless green corners and turns I and only I had the regal pleasure of placing my feet, and I placed my sandalled feet wheresoever I chose.
I wondered at the brilliance of the coloured insects, their astonishing sudden turns of speed. Crickets and grasshoppers of many species would observe my observation with their honeycomb eyes, and vanish in a leap.
I fell in love with the daytime moths and the way they spread their wings and revealed hidden bright coloured patternings. I chased big butterflies to see them better when they landed, even though I knew most outperformed my own best turns of speed.
Lacewings, caterpillers, daddy-longlegs, millipedes, woodlice families, red soldier beetles on cow parsley, worms, silverfish, spiders fat, and spiders pinhead red, ants and of course fearsome horseflies feasting on cowpats.
These were my study, my entertainment and the close friends I loved to spend time with.
The very few aeroplanes that passed unhuriedly overhead themselves sounded like lazy booming stag beetles, because they were all four-engine propeller driven.
The flowering mixed grasses were my fascination. Here were tall treelike beings as far my eyes could see, and I was a giant striding among them with my bare legs.
Today I still thrill to the core of my boybeing at the slightest glimpse of the graceful complex completeness of grasses displaying their waving flower panickles to the pollen-dispersing winds.
Ah, my heart breaks for those bygone days when I had the certainty of ecstatic release as I walked into the luscious rich chewy smelliness of those waiting pastures of green.
The spaces in these warm unintimidating open fields were filled with conversation. Buzzes, barks, clicks, rustles, and the cawing of rooks so high up in the majestic elm tree canopy towering by the gated entrance to the pasture.
To this chatter I added my own. All these countless beings kept coming and going in front of my eyes. I was the only human being in sight.
I think I was asking everyone what they were doing, where they were going. Above all, my mind was wanting them to explain to me, to inform me, to give up the secrets to me of who they were, of what it was like to inhabit their tiny bodies so different to mine.
I have never ceased to ask these sacred private questions of these public tiny animals.
Intensive use of pesticides have all but completely done away with the clouds of insects that the spreading picnic cloth would send scattering up and away.
I have never ceased to ask these sacred questions.
The hedgerows, so wondrously populated by the high-rise dwellers of the field edge, have become fence posts connected by galvanised barbed wire
Wheat and barley stretches out of sight and their blue indigo cornflowers and the flutter-poppies in their red frocks have been weedkiller-ed, banned, abolished, banished.
And still I do not cease to question them.
I held those exquisite magic conversations. I spoke directly to the green beings. I chatted with the six and with the eight-legged kind. I fancied I could interpret their thoughts from the attitude of their antennae. I listened and learned from the crowing of the rooks.
They answered to my innocence. They imparted their unconscious wisdoms. Every word we exchanged together found a new place of holiness in my heart.
Though I know the answers now, yet I never cease to put the question.
There is no question.
Answer is before.
There is only the answer.
See the sense of season.
Sleep naked of reason.
~ Love is present EveryNow

Infinity is so much fun!!

*Infinity and Beyond!*

Over thirty years ago, I stopped counting my years. I attribute my longevity to my looking both ways at least twice when crossing the road.
Yes, I’m grateful to be reminded of the accretion of time. After all, I am seventy-two.
But I value beyond price my EveryNow, because it is where infinity is transcended as easily as a breath in. Or out.
In the way of the crew of Starship Enterprise whose images shimmer on the point of beaming, I too often shimmer on the edge of time present, because I value the Now as an open door to Infinity.
All the endlesses – peace, love, the leap of joy, pain – are in the Now.
I am humbly grateful for that smile cast my way unannounced, unbidden from the eyes of a stranger.
These affirmations that I walk among in the open unblinking moment reconstitute my “me” in my original self. And we go back a long, long way, my original self and I.
These validations are the obverse on my coinage of gratitude. Gratitude for the tiny truth sparks which conflagrate at light speed. They inflate my incendiary heart which burns all fiery at 36.4°C.

Infinity beams me.

Infinity is so much fun!!