Infinity – the permanent invitation

“Feel the peace and beauty of connecting to your heart…”

I am always of the belief that it is possible to walk “through” the Stargate portal and to have an insight so immediate and all pervasive that your pain and hurt, every trace, drops away, and at last you can “let it be”.

This is an insight into love absolute, a place, a real place, where fear evaporates before it can take shape.

You must know I have had the good fortune to pass through some form of Stargate. To reach there, I had to have lived more than a handful of decades, be retired and released from over 40 years of nine-to-five grind, and I had to undergo several epiphany experiences closely accompanied by some shining new rare and true soulfriends.

Before you arrive in the presence of such a magic portal, it’s likely you’ll still need to arrive again and again at more of your old journey destinations on your way. You’ll probably be faced with the choice to tear down clinging overgrown undergrowth covering the face of your mind.

You will see yourself in the forgotten places with a brand new clarity. You will be forced to allow the sacred significance of your present-in-the-past to carve deep grooves in your heart. 
You will suffer ancient tears to overflow into your present you for the first time.

Only by touching naked feet fearless onto such stepping stones as I describe will you understand your leaden ankle weights and unseen shackles represent illusions.

Released from these delusional encumbrances which you had chosen as your territorial possessions, you start to walk tall. This is the walk of your life.

These are structures that have become so vital to the security and safety of your self. You have devoted so much energy, time and concern in their construction. These are systems you have become accustomed to handle in a fiercely protective, conscious, deliberate and deliberative way. You can remember words to describe them, such as weights and shackles, tears of lead, deflection of hurt, avoidance of pain.

Your protection has come more to depend on the unblinking maintenance of your defences, and less on identifying what caused you to construct your defences.

Who you are is occulted by the insistent persistence of your protection of you. 

Like you, I know you can always stand in the light of your own being at a moment’s notice.

You may be moved to seek help and find it with an intermediary.

You may find the light of your being quite unexpectedly homes in on you of its own accord, with a beam like a searchlight.

The shock can startle and even perplex you, till you are are obliged to accept the fact that your soul is staggeringly beautiful, or you opt to refute the experience, telling yourself platitudes handed down to you from the bland, limp phrasebook of socially acceptable conformity.

This encounter with the happening magnificence of your being has not any words to enscribe, describe or circumscribe it.

This close encounter with the heart of your shining soul is yours. It is yours before question or answer.

You have already entered many times into a wordless wonder of living. You know what it is, of course. It is something that sometimes happens in your body or mind. Or you have felt it “outside” of you.

You are far nearer than you can begin to imagine to the shimmering entrance portal into the place where the wonder of living is too intense for words. And the space, the extremely real place, perhaps the only space which is real, and which lies ever glowing at a constant brightness (the ‘bright’ of peace and love), is the directly lived experience, the Now.

Now is not a mere moment. Now is every moment, suffused to saturation point with beginninglessness and endlessness – EveryNow.

EveryNow exists complete, without reference to a frame of words. 

EveryNow exists in completeness, independent of whether it is thought of, or sought after.

EveryNow exists completely and it is unaffected by being ignored, or overlooked, either by negligence or on purpose.

Blink, and you can find yourself in it… it in you.

All you need is to be ready and prepared. Be ready for the invitation. If you give any of what I describe a modicum of credence, then your best tribute to it and to your innate beauty, and to your instincts of self-preservation, and even to your secret inner conviction that you truly think of what I am talking about as a schmaltzy, rose-scented, kitsch pink cloud, is to be ready.

The way to get close enough to the magic of EveryNow, so that it can guzzle you all up into its roseate field, is to be prepared and ready to accept its invitation card: Infinity.

Sleep is as precious as wakefulness. Sleep is close to infinity. Sleep is a hallowed gift. Wrap it with respect, give all of yourself into it. Sleep well

~ Love’s presence EveryNow

Peas in a pod

Peas in a pod

We are all as alike as peas in a pod. Grass and flowers die. Houses and mountains crumble.

We have in common – every one of us – our innate sense of self-preservation, our basic humanity, our need in common for love, air, food, drink, warmth, security, safety.

I recoil from trying to assimilate enough knowledge of politics or religion to become capable of qualifying my modes of thought or action according to their principles or precepts.

All my observations of the continuum in which I exist point to one thing – transience. The further back in my time I retreat, I still see the same quality of impermanence.

This predictable unpredictability, which in isolation would resemble a pit of empty despair, always presents laced with scents, colours and shapes of love.

EveryNow is my shorthand for the unending orgasm of loving to live, EveryNow is my X and Y and Z axes of celebration of the joyful flow of existence. 

My reference of my sentient consciousness to that flow of change, to that intimate turbulence in my microcosm, is mirrored in the  indiscernible motion of the violent unfurling of energetic matter in the Universal macrocosm.

All these things are fractals of flux. 

I say, let them take high precedence among the attributes worth taking the trouble and time identifying with, regardless of our physical shape, financial stability, health, grounding or lack of grounding, 

Dive in! Submerge, let the savage unknowability of fractal flux close over my head while it is under this influence. Be attached to it, take inspiration for decisions to action, give official recognition to it as the truth and validity suffused through and through the heart of the being of the next bystander in the bus queue. Or in me!

The fact of suffering is much less useful to understand.

Time spent on focus on pain is time not spent in the the pursuit and sharing of the celebration of bliss in all its forms and infinite fluctuations.

Think about it… We come complete with pain at birth, and viewed from within, pain advances our understanding almost not at all of the peace and love that animates us, from which we all arise and back to which we are all dancing each other home

~ Love is present EveryNow 

We are children

The elixir

My inner child, playmate, best friend

May I remember all of my growth. Growth physical and growth in heart’s love.

I want to remain alive to my heart’s ability to grow in heart love.

May I find the courage to draw on the power with which loving with loving kindness regenerates my heart’s expansion into love’s swaying flower fields and forests of kindness.

Every day let my fearful forward-fixed gaze give me a rest, so I pause and take stock.

Every day I will remember when I open my eyes awake, to let my heart take me by the hand, its own little child, wide-eyed in wonder, and lead me to learn new expanding abilities of loving to live.

At night, let me review this amazing journey of breath and blood, tears and sweat, so I remember why my heart is so rightly full of gratitude.

My heart and I have accepted challenges, made discoveries, assimilated life lessons, received and been blessed by growth.

The ebb and flow of heart’s luminosity assists and stands guard over growth and healing in my body.

In this inevitable plurality of beings, my heart drives me to connect. 

My own growth towards recognition, understanding and peaceful acceptance of who I am comes from unconditional, non-judgemental relationships.

Deep maternal love, which is one form of non-attached friendship, released my tiny child into the grassy flower-meadows of my very first summers.

Later on, my heart, strengthened and emboldened by the unmistakable benevolence of the Big Green, began to receive and to give non-judgemental friendship.

Stagnation dissolves and energetic growth returns when my inner child makes itself known to me again. It may be from hints, signs, clues to my senses, to my awareness, that my inner child’s presence peers past the curtains of my darkness, always dancing, always smiling, always beckoning me out to play and to laugh!

It may be my indirect sensation of its presence through my perception of its absence and the terrible pain of that lonely emptiness.
Mercifully, this pain is pure illusion.

My inner child wants to be found, it never hides! And so, with a little concentration, I can come to my inner child, playmate, best friend.

Then my inner child holds my hand once more, I am filled up, my heart is filled and my being is refreshed with the giggles of childhood.

My original child’s state of grace, let me remember it!

Let me know it again.
You and I are still filled up to the tip-top with the very same innocence and automatic acceptance of our natural and original condition, which is pure love, seen or not, felt or not, understood or misunderstood.

This acceptance is the elixir!

With this we can live in the perfumed fields of happiness exactly as it was, as it always was and will be, for us and for all sentient life to the end of all things

~ Love is present E v e r yN o w

🧱To my Friend who is in pain and perplexity🏖️


💠 To my Friend who is in pain and perplexity🔹

I truly wish my words may fill up your heart with love, dear Friend.

I remind you, you have set out courageous and have begun to confront dark barriers which old traumas and sorrows have solidified into blocks on your path.

Some of these horrid monoliths you have grown accustomed to carrying about with you wherever you go, wherever you are.

This is hard work, exhausting and lonely. There is no relief. The sad thing is, in the end, your beautiful lovable self can curl up and shrink out of sight.

And now I remind you that I still believe in Epiphany.

Being drenched by a spontaneous experience of this magnitude can take a person into a state of raised consciousness, regardless of unresolved internal obstacles.

Here is a place, a state of vibrant new awareness, where there is a continuous, powerful, conscious intuitive connection between oneself and the origin of all life.

This is a sudden inrush into the heart of life force – peace and love – from which all life springs and to which all life returns.

The heart floods with love. 
Very quickly the lovelight shows up the years, months and days lived in the shade.

Here is the source of a waterfall of Healing.

I liken this potential to enter into transformative awakening, this state of grace by an epiphany, to an arrival at a Portal, as depicted so graphically in ‘Stargate’, the sci-fi series.

However, there is a price to pay. No one steps through such a Portal casually. It takes courage and determination, sometimes born out of desperation and repeated suffering, to embark on such a rite of passage.

A person who has acknowledged and begun a journey of self-discovery, this person is unavoidably on course to rediscover the lovable, as well as the loving self.

The loving self I say, because you know you love and you have loved, and you can love. Giving such as this comes rather naturally.

Can you be loved so willingly in these familiar ways by your own self? In a nutshell, can you love yourself? 

Can you “be love” ?

Some call the opening of a significant life journey a falling in love again with the self.

“Again” because the original self “is” love. The early human baby, to whom the future has no meaning, is all about present immediacy.
This new being inhabits the space, the playground of love.

Here in this primal arena is also hunger, thirst, desire for security, in whatever order.

The reason (if such an abstraction has any meaning in the context of a newborn) why such primal needs excite us so much is simply that they sustain life.

This is life lived at no remove at all from the life instinct – the will to live, the will to continue to survive. This condition of mind is primitive, urgent, exciting.

And I say it is very beautiful. Indeed it is one of the openings into beauty.

Every sentient being on Earth – in the sea, on land, in the air – lives at this intense level.

Some time later, at the stage of independence, once the need is implanted as a result of whatever life circumstances, banal or dramatic, to discover some answers to Who, What, even Why I “am”, the path at your feet may become luminous and fertile with a rather mysterious sense of promise.

This feeling of being onto something exciting is present for the straightforward reason that there is a strong intuition that some kind of fulfilment is just round the corner.

The possibility of resolution becomes attainable, because you visualised it, called out to it, cried out for it.

All life is interconnected. All interconnections stem from one source. The source is terrific, powerful and overwhelmingly beautiful, and we hear this spoken by many from various directions from time imemorial. 

In unity, Humanity has raised its face to this millennial truth. This is how it is.

Little wonder that having stepped out on the pilgrimage to self realisation, the ground begins to tremble, and the urge to continue is irresistible. 

The stage is reached where only a hair trigger stimulus will be enough to slam the seeker into a brilliant way of seeing.

Or not! 

Epiphany experiences are in rather short supply!

It may happen little by little.
A person grows quietly into a new place of understanding and acceptance, with, “So that’s it.” With a few aha’s. 

It may happen quickly, like a dam burst. There is no avoiding, no postponing, no ignoring the approach of light, the flowering of the vision of life in grand abundance, and, with this release, laughter and the deep sense of joy-in-residence.

I so truly wish these blessings on you with all my soul’s strength, my dear Friend.

Love is present E v e r yN o w

From Breath to Love

From Breath to Love – A guided meditation

TUESDAY 25th SEPTEMBER was the monthly Breathwork session “From Breath to Love – Conscious Breathing Circle” held by Karolina Mikulicz here in our home town.

When I arrived, I was the only one attending! So we agreed to have a 1-2-1 session.

After what happened to me in the last fortnight, I was in a state of high sensitivity and receptivity. I may share in another piece of writing, when I feel to gather the story together. It’s enough to say I had begun to make preparations in the last few days in the light of reasonable cause to believe the days of my life were numbered. It transpires that I am in no such danger. This is relief that I compare to being hit by a ton of bricks.
Karolina is, to me, wise far beyond her young years. Knowing how she has assimilated the healthy therapeutic effects of her own daily Breathwork practice over many years, I have come to have complete confidence in her skills as guide and facilitator. We always reach deep when we work together.
So, to be brief, (a tricky skill for me!) an obscuring chunk of cliff face fell away… almost all resistance due to fear melted away as if under high intensity radiation.
In the course of this evening’s guided Breathwork I found my core being, I call it: my unchanging awareness. I found my unfractionated identity, I see it as a white transparency with no material substance yet having the form of a swan’s body and whose being is available in maximal energy to enfold with arms, protect without limit or condition, to imbue me with life-power while not at all concealing or covering me.
In 1977, I had come face-to-face with this core essence of my being with the common descriptor being a white-hot kernel. The image of a light concentrated into white heat had arrived then. During my awakening in 2013, and ever since, up till today, the vision of awareness of my own heart has been of an orange-gold glow in my heart space.
In summer 1977, I entered a period of pain and incomprehension, and an involuntary process began. One by one, layers of self identity fell away from me. I felt with great alarm that I was soon to lose my sanity. At length all that was left of this 31 year old man, of his certainty and his received assumptions about himself was reduced to a white-hot molten pool resting immobile at the bottom of a huge immovable crucible.
Today’s “Real”isation arrived as a direct effect of having been able to release all vestiges of fear of trying and seeking by walking in the bravery of trust and innocent belief in the total support of the earth under me and the clean oxygen I fill my lungs with.
Something changed tonight.
There was no upheaval and certainly no pain. Pain comes only as an equal and opposite reaction to resistance. Abandon of resistance and its replacement with the gentleness of compassion and a childlike humility is what characterised the session this time. Karolina threw at me unanswerable questions. She stayed, guided and was by my side. I responded from my truth.
Later, at the end, we talked. This is how I tried to make clear what had changed inside during the latter part of our working session. A sacred chant that I remember I had sung before, and whose Sanskrit words I had learned, had been playing in the background. I was not the listener with this music in my ears. The music was playing me and my hearing was the music playing. The music was playing in me. I was conscious of not being the listener. I had no involvement in the joining of the music with my hearing.
A blending took place that I was fully aware of as it happened. I have entered a fusion between my core original self and the sensory experience of the material World around me.
Here I can not go all the way with words to describe this. I was totally receptive to the music while not needing to make any conscious effort at distinguishing it as musical sounds to which I was paying attention. The effect was of music happening in the way my blood happens to circulate in my body. The music was involuntarily musical in me. This utterly new experience was welcome and most lovely. I felt with all my senses and all my awareness the freshness of it.
With this clearing, whatever happens next, my lack of fear of my own death has received a big boost.
Karolina suggested I write up about this session. My thanks to Karolina takes the form of this short description.

* The way is lit *

* The way is lit *
More than many years ago, I was on the very precipice of total loss of everything I cherished and of all I had strived for and had created throughout my entire life.
In utter desperation, breathlessly through my pain, I prayed one whole night long to find some way to save everything from collapse and from reversion to living like a shadow among the shadows at the bottom of the mountain.
I prayed and prayed, and at the lighting of dawn’s light I saw with silent horror that night had turned its back on me and would not shield me from view.
And so I understood my time had arrived.
I completely gave up the impossible battle with myself.
The pain stopped. It stopped like a drawn out shriek run out of breath.
Courage took hold and I dared to start over with no assumptions, no power of control.
The words and deeds I had been in such desperate need of found expression in my throat.
I found I could act on the deeds I had thought were utterly beyond my capacity.
Words don’t fail me now.
Words return from their long journey beyond the distant horizon where I know my soul extends, and they break in salty surf on the beach – faithful, compliant, rhythmic.
ALL SHALL BE WELL; AND ALL SHALL BE WELL; AND ALL MANNER OF THING SHALL BE WELL [Julian of Norwich]
I never look back since then.
I do nothing to light the way.
The way is lit.
The way is inexpressibly beautiful always.
I choose thoughts, because I can.
I choose long and hard, enough that I dwell on thoughts of love.
I choose to look out for the vocabulary of love.
I choose the means to make the mouth of the mind clear for loving.
I give no home in my mouth to words of fear or hate.
So choose!
Be bold enough to speak out loud about love, always and everywhere.
One fine day, you will pause, and you will see a beautiful person steps to meet you.
A beautiful figure treads a path that lights up all by itself with neither conscious nor unconscious volition.
This person is you
~ Love is present EveryNow ~

Infinity is so much fun!!

*Infinity and Beyond!*

Over thirty years ago, I stopped counting my years. I attribute my longevity to my looking both ways at least twice when crossing the road.
Yes, I’m grateful to be reminded of the accretion of time. After all, I am seventy-two.
But I value beyond price my EveryNow, because it is where infinity is transcended as easily as a breath in. Or out.
In the way of the crew of Starship Enterprise whose images shimmer on the point of beaming, I too often shimmer on the edge of time present, because I value the Now as an open door to Infinity.
All the endlesses – peace, love, the leap of joy, pain – are in the Now.
I am humbly grateful for that smile cast my way unannounced, unbidden from the eyes of a stranger.
These affirmations that I walk among in the open unblinking moment reconstitute my “me” in my original self. And we go back a long, long way, my original self and I.
These validations are the obverse on my coinage of gratitude. Gratitude for the tiny truth sparks which conflagrate at light speed. They inflate my incendiary heart which burns all fiery at 36.4°C.

Infinity beams me.

Infinity is so much fun!!