Tag: pixel

Ataraxia

Yes, it is is-ness.

The my in self

Yes, it is is-ness and we have need of the awareness of it when it is least evident in the minutes of our moments.

I am one pixel of humanity. My heart is one of many, alive and no longer alive. There is such a grand inevitability of numbers, there is no point in counting.

I value human contact. I derive hope and I savour the pleasures of hoping in the way I relate to communion with the unending oceanic calm in my heart of hearts.

I bring into existence the image of myself afloat in an oceanic cosmos of calm.

What presumption is it to choose to float in oceanic calm?

First? The unwet waters are terrifying as drowning in unknowing. Burning alive has the merit of a sensory flash between life and oblivion. Inside kilometres of stifling unbreathability I can be free to choose to think.

Second and last? The baby, the youngster, the adult, the one beset with the inexorable advance of decrepitude, each and every aspect of my existence has the right to enter  ataraxia with no payment fee.

These are choices.

In one of my fell swoops, I can lay waste to and destroy my universe.

Another swoop, and here is a rise up. It is a bright gigantic fountain arc. Here is a thunder of waterfall steaming. Here time is diffracted by light from ten thousand suns. Fractal dimensions intersect seamless haloed space. Every direction is a-dazzle.

Here in this chaos of living aliveness, I am totally content. I glare with wide gaze at the no of all nothing

~ Love is present EveryNow

To my Muse

To my Muse


There is a current, a flow of power, which beckons, asks to be found.


From the earliest age of the dawning of reason, it asks to be heard.


On my own in a wild garden, small under trees, I, a little boy, caught the drift of it.


It came from a crystalline heart. It showed itself in my throat in the form of a tune voiced into my solitude. A solitude for the first time become great with meaning.


The melody is always the same. It is a grand, a grandiose orchestral pursuit. Cathedrals, temples, chambers of the heart can hardly contain its sacred theme.


The riff I sang matched the mood of this boy. Later, I went into our thatched cottage at the end of the mud track in the isolated hamlet and I sang it to my Mother. She made a motherly nice comment.


As a young man, I began to recognise themes of this homespun improvisation in the music of others, and this is how I knew myself to be one melody, a part in a common harmony – a pixel of humanity.


I never fully remember it. I never developed it into a memorisable form. I kept it private, I keep my ‘plaint’, my ‘keening’ as it is a forever balm unto my unknown, hurting, longing heart.


Today I sprout in these lonely lines this remembered memory of memory, and the flame of its flower is a visible wonder to me, father to myself.


Exactly like the passage of a rainbow, it beckons to the senses. It will never be captured.


The bass notes inflame, while the melody maddens like the sempiternel arch-old songs of the Sirens.


This is a Hiraeth, sacred music which can only be bashfully reflected in the performance of various forms – poetry, dance, painting, sculpture.


The more ephemeral is our way of mirroring the force of its current, the closer we come to tap into and draw purpose and courage from the strength of the Muse. It is all mystery and achingly longed-for strength.


The presence of strength; the strength of presence. This is a reflection of the power of the eternal present


~ Love is present EveryNow

a happy ripple in a continuum of life

My state is open and aware and quiet.

The self I call “I” is a flat calm transparent natural boundary. Clear water is deep down, air is deep up.

The surface is almost colourless, without ripple or feature. It extends without horizon, but never leaves my sight.

In such a state I can ride and stay in balance during the time I am presented in the here and now with thoughts, feelings, distractions and discomfort.

Here, from my surface I offer this.

It is through my extraordinary journey of unanticipated heart awakening, around the time I began the regular practice of Biodanza in February 2013, that I know I can fully access healing. That, together with other understandings related to identification of ancient hurts and the resolution of previously unrecognised confusions, have granted my awareness of myself the opportunity of expansion and room in which to expand.

As I become self-aware, aware of the sanctity of the gift of life being lived and experienced more and more abundantly, so in equal measure I value the gift of life in relation to other living sentient beings.

What comes from living in such a new and richly jewelled life is a greater gratitude than I have ever known. It has far reaching implications on my remaining days of life. It is the ever-growing understanding that my life is not a discrete occurrence only in me. I am a pixel of humanity, and life is living through all things and beings, sentient and not sentient.

I am a happy ripple in a continuum of life. Life lives me as I live life.

Here’s the thing… Nothing has changed! Everything is utterly different and constantly completely new! The newness is “EveryNow”.

I begin. My journey of exploration and discovery begins all over again from the very start every moment. Nothing existed in the previous instant of this awareness of existence to guide me to where I am. At any given moment, I look forward with barely containable excitement to the certainty of discoveries in the moment following.

I think of it like this. For the first fifty years I had been “Living to Love”, which is decorous, pretty, even beautiful, but it is an existence limited by inconsequential superficiality.

As my heart awakes and presents its face towards me to greet me, my heart starts “Loving to Live”.

This is the wholesome, plain and simple adoption of the richly textured reality of here and now, of “EveryNow”.

I am no longer secreted away in a place of safety of my own elaborate construction, but I go shining with gratitude and wonder at the mere fact of being vital and alive.

This is a state of being which is totally raw, exposed and vulnerable, but simultaneously full of living courage, and naked certainty.

Unencumbered by fear, my state of being can freely develop in its self-expression in the knowledge that it has its permanent residence in the secure environment of the heart’s pure and spectacular peace.

We are all capable of healing.

It’s about trusting love to come into close contact inside my most personal sacred space, and knowing that there, in that serene place of peace, I can heal.

We all just can

~ Love is present EveryNow