💠I am a time traveller🔷

Crises shake me awake, so that I believe I have little choice but to pay attention and attempt to understand the storms, conflicts and extremes of opposing emotion that roil and boil inside me.

I know that the stirrings in me which crises cause are like clear waters suddenly made muddy. I know the dread of that vanished transparent calm where all was clear and simple to see.

The plateau of my heart’s ease, where grass is green, and no wind ruffles, is a gift to be accepted. The calm of uneventful days is like the sunshine on an airborne jet – I trust revolutions of power beyond my ken are churning on the inside, keeping me safe.

I accept the days of “nothing doing” are like when I neck the first drink of cool water in the morning. I absorb bright colourless refreshment in the certainty it will reach into my darkest roots.

But I also know to stand back from insisting to myself that I must thrash out sense and meaning out of turbulent emotions. Danger of death inside, or at the very least, the drear drag of continuing ignorance, is the reward for fruitless fight with my own shadows.

I have learned that the swirl of sediment that now blinds my view of where I am going is composed of mysterious particles!

These are the smashed up, mashed up micro fragments of old certainties.

I do not tread them into the dirt. They are more valuable than gold dust, more alive than my own breath, because, unlike mud which petrifies into rock on settling, I know they will recrystallise into brand new beauty.

My road which was secure is now blazing into a lava flow. My tears explode as they fall! My past mistaken faith in my own limited abilities have taught me to give up my Quixotic tilting at mental windmills. I trust that faith and unconditional hope in compassionate powers far stronger than any of my own will arrive, soothe me, and build my new spiritual bones.

I know I will give myself the gift of time, waiting in faith and trust. My roots are active, though I neither hear nor see the least motion.

This is how trees await Spring, and birds the Sunrise.

I will have stood aside and observed the swirls of pain in my chest. I will have felt them retch up my throat. I will have committed to memory the dried tears I see on my own face.

And, at the end of all of this, I will see walking towards me, with the magical mutual smiles of recognition spreading over both our faces, myself and I, as we fall into an embrace for the first time

~ Love is present EveryNow