Tag: 2013

GAME ON! 👀 PLAY ON!

GAME ON! 👀 PLAY ON!

Look out for signs of the return of Springtime in your mind!

I ask myself,
“What are my own signs of Spring?”

In my case, on the threshold of seven and seventy, I see a different way to view my crumbling. At this period, when I need to pay more attention to my body signalling it needs my help, and sometimes on a daily basis, I do find my old body is asking for favours and easements. These stop signs show me as always that everything is in a state of change.

These days, I have a clear choice. More choices open up to me, when I am viewing my thoughts the way I see clouds float by in a blue sky. Fewer choices are within reach, when I forget to remember emotional clouds aren’t made of concrete!

Do I fret and become impatient?

Fretting and impatience are markers of futile attention to detail in the past or the future. The time I take out to indulge in anxious thoughts or to stamp my foot in impatience, is time wasted. Not only is time-wasting a serious misuse of what I have, I don’t have nearly as much of it left to fritter away!

Or do I welcome these claims on my time?

Do I treat them as new unlived lessons to learn, and new prompts to teach me and guide me towards taking more interested and compassionate care of myself? At random intervals, my body returns unexpected sensations of pain. It signals that it’s no longer instantly and uncomplainingly able to obey my brain’s motor impulses.

All this newness I can take as a hark back to the earlier, far more surprising, and deeply delicious newness which enveloped me like a shining cloud back in the Year of my Life 2013. That is what I prefer to choose to be reminded of.

Ageing is a whole new ball game!
Play on!

Where is the magic in connection?

🙏Disappearance is the magic in connection🙏

Is it not the best of things to be seen fully clothed yet as entirely naked as newborn?

The brightness thereof overtops and shadow-shunts the sallow sight of self every, every time.

One day, it was the first full day of my life. I did not know it was, because I didn’t know my life was mine to know. And I did not know the knower of my life, though I did sense the curious presence of a newness so new, I could not yet know it was so near to me as to be within me.

I was palely loitering.

Along came a pair of eyes to look to me.

The eyes, they see my blinking eyes.

And I deconstruct!

My face,

my muscles,

even my blood,

I am all

transparent.

I am unshadowed

to my very bones.

And then?

A symphony orchestra shakes

what’s left of who I never knew I was.

Inside the gaze of easy eyes

I am deciphered, molten, electrified

made suddenly extraordinarily rich.

Out of my head, lovebirds do fly

joyful

noisy

free

Loving to Live

The voice within has always spoken to myself and to the world from the seat of my emotions, from my feelings and impressions. I know I have always interpreted the world through my imaginative powers of association.

I’d often let this fine-tuned imagination galop away with the banalities of the day before I can get a practical handle on them.

This often led me to mis-associate external realities on purpose in order to amuse myself with impossible nonsense, or to escape deeper from their ordinary reality.

For a long time I’d deliberately share my own whisked-up version of things, knowing that people would be put off trying to understand me. This was how I would creep deeper into a social isolation where I felt safe. Those were the days people would hear me, tell me, “You’re mad”, turn round and walk away.

All these things became clear for me to see from the persistent hard Work of self-examination and revelation through Shamanic Healing between 2014 and 2017.

I owe an immense debt of gratitude to this compassionate soul, friend and Shamanic Healer, Tiffany Guild of Bournemouth.

I lived a rich inner life. It was both a blessing and a curse. It had originated from my isolation, starting from my earliest months of life, when trauma was the rule.

For decades, I stored in my mind humanist and “Zen” insights from inside my reinforced defended “cockpit”. I so needed to understand and be like others. But from behind my defensive walls, it was impossible. I had no visualisation of my own heavy fortifications, so I did not know how to act with the unselfconscious free flow I saw in the language and comportement of everybody else around me.

Then came 2013. The “Year of my Life”. The year I started regular Biodanza. As a result of giving away my heart, my heart appeared to me!

All the knowledge I’d stored away suddenly began to self-organise. It all began to make sense, but in a way that took a huge amount of energy to comprehend. After all, I had a library of facts and no methods of matching the facts against my new reality!

This marked my re-entry into Loving to Live. Living to love – so superficial – didn’t cut it for me any more.

It was a nose-dive into inner space. It was a scary Roller Coaster ride. It felt as if I would lose my mind, unless I could monitor this Brave New World by writing a daily Journal.

It is still a Roller Coaster ride, but it holds no fears. The intensity is undimmed. It is the same newness, whichever way I turn!

The more I engage with people, trees, flowers, insects in non-attached, non-judgemental ways, the less of a barrier exists between me and the “world”.

When I engage with my few closest friends, this dissolved barrier allows the love in their hearts to flood mine,

yours included

~ Love’s presence EveryNow