I am haunted by a cry that escaped from my Mother while she was very depressed.
I think she may also have suffered from Bi-Polar but in the early 1960’s there was little or no understanding of it.
She said, “I have been a bad mother to you!” Absolutely not, of course. And I did try to tell her so.
She died many years later in 1975, and by that time she had found a tremendous amount of peace and personal reconciliation.
However, she could not have known how my life was to become one of success in terms of peace of mind, stability, and my ability to maintain myself in quality employment.
Still less could she have guessed or even believed that I would become a happy father of a sweet healthy family in a long term loving relationship of conventional marriage. Thirty-nine years and counting.
Some things are only given to us to fully know at some distant and unknowable point. In the grand timescales of the Universe. Cause and effect may be linked, yet the threads of connection are forever beyond our everyday understanding.
There is a somewhere where she knows we are all healthy and happy.
For this my heart is at peace. For this my gratitude has no end.
I know this… You and I and all of humanity are subject to the same mysteries of love on immensely grand unknowable cosmic timescales