Nightmares notwithstanding

#Nightmaresnotwithstanding

“*This can’t go on*”

This morning I dreamed I was at my shared desk in a dark office. Someone lit up a cigarette. So I stopped and looked for my tobacco and papers. I didn’t know where I’d put them.

Then I remembered my boss and colleagues would be back after the weekend, and I had not yet picked up the phone to contact a single sales prospect.

The dread of unmet obligation to achieve my sales target came back to hammer me down…

I thought,
“This can’t go on. I will resign. I’ll go look for a new job in the morning.”

In stages, with a struggle like freeing myself from burial alive, I began to see it.

I gave up smoking in 1994.

I no longer work in an office. Not since 2010.

And at last I see. I am not awake, but dreaming it all.

The stresses and trauma involved in the 9 to 5 obligation to provide, to produce, to submit at any cost is the lot of millions.

I worked 42 years. I retired nine short years ago.

I remind myself daily how I used to gaze at the flocks of aerobatic pigeons through the office window.

I hear myself pledge that, after I retire, I would rejoice.

I would rejoice in my freedom to stare for a long time at pigeons in flight.

And so I do! I rejoice every single day and am thankful to have one more reason to be grateful I am alive.

Nightmares notwithstanding, love IS present EveryNow

The brilliance of existing

I write of the brilliance of existing.

When I write, I am representing in one way or another a self-similar fragment of the brilliance of the peace and love we all come from and to which we all return.

The brilliance reveals itself here, under the next leaf, there beneath the water’s ripple. It is behind old grief, and it is always always always after my next blink. It is EveryNow!

“Peter,” you say,

“You are defo in the zone of Zen.”

Yes, maybe so.

You are the one who says so about me. It is not just the me you see. It is you who says you see.

Whatever the zone is, even if the zone is ignored, denied, unsuspected or invisible under examination, it is you, it is I, it is ineradicably eternally in you and in I.

Because it shines in all sentient beings, and because all sentient beings take shape and form from all things, the zone of Zen you say you see is as in and of you as it is of me and of EveryThing.

We all return to the brilliance of the peace we come from and the heart of love which animates and sustains us.

The brilliance is here for me to see in every blink and breath. It behoves me to remind you of it in the words I say and in the glance I cast.

If love is present EveryNow, due attention ought to be drawn to its brilliance – a splendour which touches us every one deeply, if we know it, or if we know it not!

~ Love’s presence EveryNow

* A Guidance for Self Renewal *

* A Guidance for Self Renewal *

I ask you to listen and take part in the pictures and scenes I place in front of you. For some, this is a way to leave the distractions of thought to one side, and enter a state of reverence and intimacy with yourself in which you can access a welcoming tranquility and be open to self-renewal.
… … …
Breathe in and let the breath out. What you are doing in a real down-to-earth way is beginning renewed life.
Our own independent life begins with a breath. You connect to air with your breath. You begin to live every time you take a breath.
Air is everywhere present. At all times air is in touch with your body. Air circulates in your blood stream, and it is available to every cell of you, all your life long, from birth to death.
Breath, like thought, has an existence as a flow. There are unanswerable mysteries connected to the act of breathing.
We are exotic life forms. We are five-pointed star-creatures who walk on a planet blanketed by an air layer.
Remind yourself that you share this same life-sustaining, planet-wide, breathable shell of air with every other breather on this Earth.
Breathe and hear your breath as it enters and leaves you. Feel your connection to the wider mystery of the breath of life.
Whether your breath escapes you in silence, in sobs of pain, out of joy, or is totally unregarded, automatic, you and your breathing is a universal link to your own life force and to the living energies of all fellow sentient beings.
Consider trees and people. Trees breathe in and out as people do.
There’s no point in criticising them for how they are. In their lifetime, trees are influenced to grow into all their shapes by the earth, their ecology, and weather.
It’s what trees do.
Trees do not make judgements about us, the people who pass by in the presence of their sober livingness.
It is right to remind ourselves that each and every person we meet has become who they are through the circumstances of their lives.
If we can see ourselves and others in the wholehearted simple way that trees accept us the way we are, then great burdens of judgement, resentment, even fear will fall from our hearts and dissolve away!
It is largely the operation of our chattering ego which raises each one of us into first person fame or notoriety. We may think we are in control of our decisions most of the time. It is the mind that tries to assume operation of this control.
So much anxiety and frustration is the result of a heart thwarted in the pure expression of its singing voice by the clamour of mind. The mind makes up scripts and stories to fit its primitive worldview.
It’s what the mind does.
And yet, how easy it can be to see through the mind-fog and become aware of the song of the heart!
It is this harmony which is ever-present at our still centre. It is the same natural wisdom heard in the melodies which the heart plays which guides other sentient beings most of the time.
Why not for us as well?
When the swirl of the mind smokescreen is stilled and settles out, our original self, our guilt-free innocent self emerges. And it is not our individuality which shines out, but the constant light of our heart’s peace. This is the source of undying love from which we originate and to which we return.
Whatever the different shapes, both visible and invisible, that the living of our lives have carved into us, we all share one humanity. We share qualities, frailties, susceptibilities. And we share mighty strengths and talents, limitless gifts.
When people say we have more things in common than separate us, they mean, “we are all members one of another”. The flock and the swarm better describes the human condition than any singling out of one or other of our essential human attributes.
Remember our common biological origins from the birth of life on Earth and remember our origins in common.
Starchildren made from stardust we may be, but for everyday tasks it is enough simply give a moment’s thanks and share the knowledge of our companionship and our interdependence on other air-breathing sentient beings, animal and vegetable.
The pain and confusion that sometimes hangs around you might not be real. The tyranny that it exerts might not be real.
Even the terror of the unfillable void which the absence of pain or confusion occasionally leaves behind might not be real.
Ask yourself if it seems possible, even practical, to wish pain away, to shoo it off?
… … …
I suggest now, here, you take a little time out to come back. Outside is influenced by the outside. Come back on an inward journey.
Sit at a table, listen to and be conscious of your own natural breathing.
Place one of your hands palm up, relaxed and at rest on the surface in front of you.
There is no expectation. There is no need to notice the things you were thinking and doing just now.
Where you are starting is where you will end. Be at rest.
You are breathing.
All’s well.
Let the time go by.
Let the time go.
Let go of time.
Let go.
Say it to yourself. Say this gently:
It is as it should be.
What I am and what I have is sufficient.
Look at one hand.
You have no need to enter into a relationship with your hand.
You and your hand go back a long way!
Familiarity, friendship, healing, connection are all here.
Neither you nor your hand have any secrets one from the other.
But your hand has an untold story to tell you.
Your palm is open, facing you. The fingers are resting, open. Together you have memories.
Keep your gaze on your palm at rest.
Let go of time.
Say it to yourself. Say this gently:
It is as it should be.
What I am and what I have is sufficient.
Where I am starting is where I will end.
Choose memories. Your own memories of pleasure.
You cup fresh water in sunlight.
You waft a fragrance towards you.
You touch the fingers of a loved one.
Breathe and be ready.
Do you notice a tiny movement? A small involuntary movement of your fingers?
You have no secrets from each other.
You see your fingers make movements.
You, your brain, your fingers are in a union of great intimacy, delicacy and simplicity.
No third party is present. It is safe to mutually love and adore.
Yes! Your fingers smile up at you!
As long as you breathe, your fingers will respond. It is their way of smiling back at you.
They are inclined to smile. It is just what fingers do.
Just like breathing, this is a lifetime companionship. Trust their tiny unfretful movements.
Let go. Smile at your own hand, and at the magic that is in the air between you.
That is all there is. Magic comes when love is given time and space.
If you should stop and find yourself at rest, make time for yourself, there is something you can do. I do it.
Put any smile on your face, and let it be your smile to your own heart. Eyes closed, touch your fingertips into your own heart in a peaceful moment of open enquiry.
You will see that all your heart ever wants to do, all it ever wanted to do, is to sing songs of love to the glory of you.
It’s what hearts do!
Let your hand do this gesture always with tenderness and respect. Smile to your heart. Eyes closed, smile to your heart with mouth, lips and eyes.
The more you smile together, alone together, the more your heart will feel to be brave to step into your life. To be in your life again. The way it was, as it always was, time out of mind.
A friend returns with love-light in the eyes.
This friend knows you far better than you can imagine.
This friend whose love will never fail you, nor let you down.
Whose wisdom is yours for the asking.
Yours the secret now!
You know the story your hand can tell you. It is a love story.
A story that is as precious, as valuable, as healing, as sustaining, as magic, as life itself. A story as beautiful as you.
~ Love is present EveryNow

Where do my thoughts fly to

What is the salty seawater that floats my heart high, when I’m in love?

What is it with my loudly different heartbeat, when I’m in love?

Where do my thoughts fly to, when there is no longer any room for them, because I’m in love?
What plays that harmonious chord consistently constantly in my belly, never letting me forget I’m in love?
Lovers in love hold no monopoly, conceal no closed secrets.
The love that life sparked into flame at the conception of you and me is forever in perfect readiness to be revealed, unconcealed, naked and glorious.
This life giving love is no ephemeral birthing event. It flamed but never dimmed.
These fiery penetrating flames, so characteristic of epiphany, do not self restrict to roads to Damascus.
Slow down. Stop. I turn my gaze.
It hovers one thought away, easily within hands reach.
Stare directly at naked, glorious, primal, primogenitura love.
I consider, reflect, focus and meditate on love. Strain night and day to hear the clarion of love’s battalions in mountains, streams, the ground at my feet.
Meet the love with a cocktail of witness, acceptance, humility and childlike joy.
See love’s guileless open look stand before me in the eyes of another
~ Love is present E v e r yN o w

Silent are the eyes

Silent are the eyes

Silent are the spaces between galaxies

Silent are the eyes that see

Silent are the ancestors invisible within the henge

Silent are the eyes that see

Silence is the contemplation of the smiles of those yet to be born

Silence in the eyes that see

I let in silence to flow and flood my sacred secret place

Silence washes me clean of doubt
And so is silence silent

I need no words to see

Revisit the spiral of truth

⌛ the spiral of truth ⌛

Past seventy birthdays, my own “Good Monday Morning” echoes back to me from out of a long time-tunnel. I hear many voices, many inflections.

If I pause, and stand in a posture of affirming presence in this echo-space – this many-layered highly personal time-sphere – I can clearly make out the various dimensions of me.

I can then, with a conscious effort of imaginative will, place my hand in that hand of long ago, and truly, madly, deeply feel for the person it belonged to and belongs to.

Here, in the electric eye-to-eye field with my then, and eye-to-eye with me now are highly charged opportunities to take on board four-square life lessons.

Lessons of forgiveness for hurt administered.

Opportunities to burnish newly cast golden girders of self-love.

Opportunities, like great grand portals of opening, to acknowledge, for the fierce first time, bitter-sweet redemption for mistaken beliefs and for mistakes of judgement.

And a chance to finally and fully accept that there is no blame attached to absence then of the knowledge now that leads to peace that passes all understanding

~ Love is present EveryNow

Sacred human

🌦️Sacred human🌦️

In our times, scientific research affords us quite a close understanding of the scale of the Cosmos in relation to this, our human stone construct raised in reverence of it.

Now I see this stone circle displays magnificence – it being forged up toward the implacable unknowable heavens through sweat and intellect, blood brotherhood, blood sisterhood.

And I see it displays an animal’s extreme, unsullied, inborn modesty. A modesty on display to hundreds of thousands of our generations. An unconscious puniness on the part of creatures who acted to preserve and remember the humility of their existence spurred on only by the evidence of their physical existences, led by the heart, at the insistent and unyielding promptings of the soul.

At one and the same time, this circle of stones blesses the builders for their ability to look beyond their small lives, and it frames the builders – and it blesses us too, their descendents – for our being Cosmic beings, conscious, celebratory, humble, proud, sacred human

My instant seeds my awareness

🔹 My instant seeds my awareness 🔸
Brief! My life is absurdly brief
My awareness is sufficient and all Sufficiency is latent joy
Brief is my life. Brief
I am anchored by joy flying my awareness
Brief! Life is absurdly brief
Joy of the sufficing instant is the bubble of nascent gratitude burst open
Your eternity and mine are microcosmic small
Waves of understanding bioluminesce.
No time. No time in short life for time
Awareness of joy is more than sufficient. Drink drink the dazzle display

What is our brief eternity, yours and mine, when one instant of it, just one is sufficient to go frolicking in the ocean of our instants ?

Perfect is the moment

The beauty in mutable

Nothing that is fixed can be the same twice.

Fixed is a snapshot of everlasting flux.

Perfect is the moment

~ Love is present EveryNow

The curvatures of living

The curvatures of living are made from numberless contiguous instants overflowing with love.

The thing is to view the instants from the inside looking out

~~ Love is present EveryNow

Equinox dream

Blessings are seen to be exchanged between sticky bud and Full Moon.

Last evening, I stopped and I looked.
I listened, and so, today, what?

I see the stars trying not to giggle!
I am a figure walking through the incorruptible dreams of sleeping birds

♥️ 🍀EveryHeart EveryNow🍀 ♥️

EveryHeart EveryNow

The more I find out about myself, the less I need to try to be me, because I see I am everyone. Everyone is a Pixel of Humanity.

We are born out of love, with our share from birth of the mysteries of the creative power of peace.
All individuals arrive with the fabulous history of our birth. We are all formed by the essences of peace and love, which are the foundations of continuing primitive survival.

From the time we can conceive of our own truth, those truths are understood as elemented by peace and love.

What are those powerful moments of our earliest understanding of some essential shared truth about our condition, if they are not moments of powerful peace?

Ah, the beauty of our very first rainbow? The first reveals of the answer to “am I alone?”

There are ways to find myself. It can be like mining for treasure. The essential nature of the individual is Peace and Love. When I see these as starting points for finding my truths, then the truths of myself are seen as the same as the truths of all others. This is the basis of the compassionate view.

The amazing thing that comes from the compassionate view is that we all suffer through the time of our birth and on from there for all our days.

The will to search for the ways to remove that suffering is powered by our will to survive hand-in-hand with original will to live.

The common values we share are seeded by our ‘birth-day’ gifts of peace and love which we protect and nourish with our instincts of survival.

How we choose to do this throughout life is what can add value throughout our time alive for ourselves and most importantly for others.

Our choices can make us amazing. Our choices can also lead us into a living death, as with acts of savage barbary.
We all have unlimited potential for realising our value through compassionate action.

Choose to discover your heart. It is no speleological expedition! Simply smile towards your heart, and your heart will smile back at you with all the disarming heat of the first smile of recognition between lovers!

Wear your heart on your sleeve.
The more I know about my heart, the more I love how my heart loves me, and the more I know myself to be everyone.

~ Love is present EveryNow

*OVER AND OVER AGAIN*

*OVER AND OVER AGAIN*

As I wake up this morning
may today illuminate
inside me new
awareness
of the arch-old
life affirming energies,
up to the point that
I turn around and
recognise
their beauty
for the first
time

~ Love is present EveryNow

To my Muse

To my Muse


There is a current, a flow of power, which beckons, asks to be found.


From the earliest age of the dawning of reason, it asks to be heard.


On my own in a wild garden, small under trees, I, a little boy, caught the drift of it.


It came from a crystalline heart. It showed itself in my throat in the form of a tune voiced into my solitude. A solitude for the first time become great with meaning.


The melody is always the same. It is a grand, a grandiose orchestral pursuit. Cathedrals, temples, chambers of the heart can hardly contain its sacred theme.


The riff I sang matched the mood of this boy. Later, I went into our thatched cottage at the end of the mud track in the isolated hamlet and I sang it to my Mother. She made a motherly nice comment.


As a young man, I began to recognise themes of this homespun improvisation in the music of others, and this is how I knew myself to be one melody, a part in a common harmony – a pixel of humanity.


I never fully remember it. I never developed it into a memorisable form. I kept it private, I keep my ‘plaint’, my ‘keening’ as it is a forever balm unto my unknown, hurting, longing heart.


Today I sprout in these lonely lines this remembered memory of memory, and the flame of its flower is a visible wonder to me, father to myself.


Exactly like the passage of a rainbow, it beckons to the senses. It will never be captured.


The bass notes inflame, while the melody maddens like the sempiternel arch-old songs of the Sirens.


This is a Hiraeth, sacred music which can only be bashfully reflected in the performance of various forms – poetry, dance, painting, sculpture.


The more ephemeral is our way of mirroring the force of its current, the closer we come to tap into and draw purpose and courage from the strength of the Muse. It is all mystery and achingly longed-for strength.


The presence of strength; the strength of presence. This is a reflection of the power of the eternal present


~ Love is present EveryNow

… because Love is present EveryNow

On the logarithmic scale, the human being stands at around the halfway point between the extreme small of subatomic particles and the extreme large of astronomical stellar aggregations.

It feels like I’ve been thinking about my place “here” for around 70 years.

One thing is clear, and it feels good, very good. I’m a part of it and the spirit of me is at home in my skin.

This idea of Cosmos of staggering, overwhelming, even crushing bigness makes no sense at all in the context of the peace at the centre of the spirit of me, of you, because Love is present EveryNow ~

[Galaxy cluster, IDCS J1426.5+3508, 10 billion light years distant]

The beauty of connection to your heart

Infinity – the Permanent Invitation 

“Feel the peace and beauty of connecting to your heart…”

I am always of the belief that it is possible to walk “through” the Stargate portal and to have an insight so immediate and all pervasive that your pain and hurt, every trace, drops away, and at last you can “let it be”.

This is an insight into love absolute, a place, a real place, where fear evaporates before it can take shape.

You must know I have had the good fortune to pass through some form of Stargate portal. To reach here, I had to have lived more than a handful of decades, to have retired, and to have experienced release from over 40 years of the nine-to-five treadmill. 

I have undergone several epiphany experiences, closely accompanied by some shining, new, rare and true Soulfriends.

Before you arrive in the presence of such a magic portal, it’s likely you’ll still need to arrive at more journey destinations on the way. 

You will need the Companionship of Time. Time to see the places you visit for their unidentifiably curious, fluid flowing shapes as they take root inside you. Time to tear down overgrown undergrowth, so you can see yourself clearly in the old stations of the journey. 

The Companionship of Time is what you’ll need to allow the real significance of your arrivals and departures to carve deep grooves from which ancient tears are released. It will be necessary to allow their springs of redemption to overflow into your present you for the first time.

Only by touching courageous naked feet fearlessly onto invisible stepping stones such as these will you understand your leaden ankle weights and dragged shackles represent nothing so much as illusions. 

Released, you will walk tall, and it’ll be the walk of your life! 

The structures that have become so vital to the security and safety of your known self and to which you have devoted so much energy in their construction and maintenance, these are structures you have become accustomed to handle in a conscious, deliberate and deliberative way. You have framed them in finite phrases, as for example: “weights and shackles”.

Just like you, I know you can always stand in the light of your own being at a moment’s notice.

You may be moved to seek help, and find it with an intermediary.
You may find the light of your being homes in on you of its own accord, with the searchlight beam of your own unsuspected, unexpected lighthouse. 

This can shock, startle and even perplex you.

You may be faced with a choice. 

Do you accept the fact that your soul is staggeringly beautiful? Do you accept that your own heart beats out love-songs of praise and glory to you? 

Or do you opt to refute the experience, and in doing so tell yourself platitudes handed down to you from the bland limp phrasebook of socially acceptable conformity? 

This encounter with the happening magnificence of your being has not any words to enscribe, describe or circumscribe it. It’s yours before question or answer.

I say the nature of our being is independent of question or answer. 

You have already entered many times into wordless wonder of living. You know it as an extreme that happens extremely.

You are far closer than you can begin to imagine to the shimmering entrance portal through which the glories of living are too intense for words of any kind. 

The space, the extremely real place, perhaps the only reality, and which ever glows at a constant brightness (the “bright” of peace and the “ness” love), is the directly lived experience, the Now.

Now is not a mere moment. Now is every moment, suffused to saturation with infinitudes of beginninglessness and endlessness – I call it EveryNow.

EveryNow exists complete, without reference to a frame of words. EveryNow exists in completeness, independent of whether it is thought of, or sought after.

EveryNow exists completely and it is unaffected by being ignored, or overlooked either by negligence or on purpose.
Blink, and you can find yourself in it… it in you.

All you need is to be ready. Ready for the invitation.

If you give any of what I describe a modicum of credence, then your best tribute to it, and to your own innate beauty, and to your instinct of self-preservation, is to be ready.

You owe it even to your inner conviction, your most privately held personal view that the invitation to EveryNow is but a schmaltzy, superfluous, rose-scented pink cloud, to be ready.

The way to get close enough to the magic of EveryNow, so that it can guzzle you all up into its roseate field, is to be prepared and ready to accept its invitation card: Infinity.
Infinity invites everyone all the time with EveryNow. 

Wakefulness is as precious as sleep. Remember sleep arrives bearing a unique gift. Sleep sleeps close to infinity. Sleep is a hallowed gift. Wrap yourself in it with respect, give yourself into its mystery.
Sleep well, dear Heart  

Love is the answer

To which

No question exists