The underbelly of London

The underbelly of London on my Dad’s Vespa in the 1960s

Labour-intensive hustle before gentrification

In the early 1960s, my Dad would “explore” the underbelly of London on his Vespa scooter. He used to do his shameless gatecrashings at the dead of night, because he had an advanced sense of adventure and needed very little sleep.

Those were the times before the tsunami of North Sea oil wealth kicked off the infrastructure upgrade, and eventually led to the gentrification of the war scarred and still quite Dickensian group of villages which characterised large areas of London.

Of an age to share his adventurous spirit, I rode pillion to explore with him the alleyways of the Borough, famous historic Thameside pubs, and places like Clink Street, and Cardinal Cap Alley on Bankside.

Late one evening, on our way to the Docklands, my Dad stops to introduce me to a tall, slim, quiet older man with whom apparently he had long ago struck up a friendship. He was the warden of a group of Elizabethan (Elizabeth the First) almshouses. These were situated just to the east of London Bridge.

This dignified companionable, lanky man, who had never travelled, read and collected travelogues. He had bookshelves full. My Father would send him postcards from one of the sixty or so countries he visited on his travels in his work as a professional international conference interpreter.

I do not know for how many years he had been dropping by to greet and take tea late at night with his friend the guardian of Almshouses. But I do know there were several such ‘odd’, and in my Father’s eyes, highly esteemed friends, dotted about his wider world in several continents.

My memories of these streets and dark, oily, cobbled corners are numerous and precious. These living relics from centuries past, I remember them all in black and white! We always explored at night and much of the street lighting was puny by today’s standards.

The unselfconscious atmosphere of an animated island of activity, lifted from the fogs of deep past, was specially true of parts of the East End, and Whitechapel.

The poorly-lit residential streets round Commercial Road were interspersed with blitzed blocks, which had been cleared and left to go to weeds for twenty or thirty years.

My Father would ride the streets of London between about 2 and 5 in the morning, because he said they were at their quietest then. Not so today!

I carry one image seared into my visual memory. As we passed by one of these bombed sites at about 3 in the morning, I saw a couple huddled close to a small fire made from rubbish. They and we stared at each other as we passed slowly by. We seemed most alien to one another in that dingy place at that godforsaken hour.

My most vivid memories are of the Docklands, east of Tower Bridge on the South Bank. They were still extremely busy streets and filled with men at work, exactly in the manner of the faintly amusing old temporary street sign, which used to read: “Danger Men At Work”!

Cheery coarse language, shouted commands, and whistling. You no longer hear such whistle talk, maybe because the art of the two-fingered shrill whistle has died out of use.

A few years later, I would drive in the dead of night in my first secondhand banger on my own or with a friend to revisit one or two of the most memorable places.

Near Shad Thames was an opening which led to steps down to the Thames. It must have been typical of such access points for ferrymen and river traders all along the commercial stretches of the river.

These steps were marked on large scale street maps and had a name like StJohn’s Steps. The magic of this lonely location, which my Father loved and shared with so much pleasure with me, was the extraordinary clear view at water level to the west of Tower Bridge, not far distant.

Tower Bridge fascinated my Dad. He had spotted an iron gate which said “Staff Only No Admittance” on Tower Bridge Approach (north).

To my Dad, and thanks to his boyish enthusiasm and dedicated example, today in my eyes too, any public sign in forbidding capital letters which reads, “Private. Strictly No Entry, Authorised Persons Only” was placed there to be read as “Hey! You! This is your personal invitation. Come right on in!”

One night we parked his Vespa on the pavement, and together, in near darkness (as usual), we opened the gate and descended the external iron steps. At the bottom, he pushed open a door. He greeted the men there and was greeted by them in turn!

They were scummed with coke dust and gleaming with smiles on their glistening faces. These were the Coke Stokers who kept the furnaces of Tower Bridge burning and fired up, for it was necessary there be always a good head of steam to raise and lower Tower Bridge at all hours.

In his usual infuriating way, I was introduced to them as his “Kiddie”. I was no longer in any vaguest sense of the word a Kiddie. But this time I was too thunderstruck at the scenes I was witnessing to feel bothered.

Huge piles of coke lay seemingly randomly all over the place. I think there was a “pin-up” on one wall. As can be seen in today’s spruced up, open-to-the-paying-public “Tower Bridge Exhibition”, there were gigantic spanners, resting heavy on brackets attached to the stone wall. It would take at least two of these burley stockers to manhandle one spanner.

It saddens me that the modern custodians of such museums of old industrial sites fail to exhibit at least a few square yards of the muck and grime which were the common, ordinary and accepted working environments in the days before Health & Safety necessarily came along to sanitise the world of work.

The men kindly introduced me to their two black cats. They had names, but I unfortunately cannot remember them. They may have been the original “Black Cats In A Coal Cellar”!

In London in the early 1960s, the air was routinely thick with car exhaust, frequently dark blue or sooty black in colour. There were no politically correct clean zones, no face masks, no ear defenders.

Dustcarts would spew clouds of chokingly rank fumes and dust as the men upended their heavy galvanised iron dustbins. In the day,

Pneumatic drills smashed up the tarmac with merry clang at extreme decibels.

Nightwatchmen would ‘live’ in small red and white striped canvas tents by major roadworks, brewing tea in winter on braziers full of glowing coke, or flaming pieces of bituminised wooden road blocks.

As a young schoolboy, I would walk extra slowly past the road workers and their tarmac spreaders. I loved to inhale the sweet sickly smell of the fumes rising from the hissy cylinder gas-fired cauldrons of molten tar macadam.

The surfaces of London’s architecture benefitted from centuries of ingrained black grime from the coal fires of the Industrial Revolution by way of wartime bombed site fires and the general devastation of large-scale neglect.

In this context, I was only surprised at the unclean and inhospitable working conditions of the two Tower Bridge cats. All my worries were allayed when the men told me they fed exclusively on rats.

A few weeks later, with my first car, a very old but serviceable black Austin A40 – a gift from a motor-minded class mate just after leaving secondary school – I repeated the experience.

On this occasion, I took my girlfriend Jane past the forbidding sign and down into the dimly lit private world of the Tower Bridge coke stokers.
We were both aroused, as I often take great pleasure in clearly recalling, by the slow, steamy, well-oiled motions of the supersized Tower Bridge engine room pistons!

🔻Hyper media mania🔺

I found a way through and past all of this dark stuff many years ago. It is not a system of belief based on blinkered wilful selfishness.

For millenia, smallish communities lived together in agricultural subsistence. What happened among them stayed between them. The only form of new transmission was by the voice. Shouts, words, gossip, storytelling. All during these thousands of generations, we might guess at, but we were only very seldom if ever directly aware of fatal wounds, diseases, poisonings, plagues, floods, fires, famine, intrigue, rape, pillage, war, gratuitous violence.

We had plenty of work to be getting on with merely in order to feed and house and clothe ourselves.

We found ways of assimilating terrible life events, and – for most of us – we had a lifestyle of mutual support, and this helped us to remain healthy in body and mind.

Comes the advent of industry, technology, printing, mass literacy, radio, and god help us live broadcasts by television and streaming handheld smartphones.

The exact same Tsunamis and Earthquake types of destructive and dread events continue to affect human communities.

The major difference today is the gigantic burden of excessive awareness of human tragedy in every part of the world it occurs as it happens.

The media brings every one of us into virtual face-to-face with the plight of those caught up in tragic circumstances.

The circumstances offered up to us are mostly explicit and graphic, and almost invariably embellished, embroidered and hyped for commercial advantage by the complete range of high tech media, assisted closely by scientific applications of various disciplines of psychology.

What’s more, the Media are in competition to outperform against each other because of their need for financial gain.

Return for a minute to an ancient agricultural or craft village, where the worst noise pollution is birdsong, farm animals, strong winds. And where the rather strict rules of communal life tend to be set up for self-policing. Here hard work is among the top requirements expected of the average inhabitant.

This activity leaves not a lot of time for rioting, revolt, manslaughter or mayhem.

It will have been obvious to everyone that the miseries that do befall them are common to every person in every village throughout time.

What they did to keep going involved close reference to accepted tried and trusted ways of getting through the seasons, with room for empathy, compassion and altruism.

What we need in this period of the Anthropocene is exactly and precisely the same focus of time, effort and attention to the same preoccupations for ourselves and the people we live together with.

If we, or “I”, take on board an excess of attention to the woes and wherefores of people geographically very far distant from us, we are eventually bound to suffer seriously destructive imbalances to our naturally frail spiritual framework.

As my Mother would frequently point out, too much of anything is not good.

So I take no longer any notice any more. I don’t say, I do not care. I say I am bound to care more about those whose lives affect mine, about the paths of the lives of those who cross mine.

“May all beings everywhere be happy and free.
May my thoughts, words, and actions contribute in some way to happiness and freedom for all.
May I keep faith with this heart’s truth
~ Love is present EveryNow”

As long as I abide by my integrity, I share, I love, I help, I stay connected and at peace!

What point am I making, you ask as you stir impatient on your virtual bar stool.

I say we are being called upon by newly formed mass media influencers to  needlessly take notice of the entire panoply of all the ills and evils in the whole worldwide human community.

This suits those whose profits flow from the uninterrupted viral forcefeed of bad news. But that’s where any measurable advantage terminates for us as individuals who go about our daily lives.

I cannot hope to take notice or accept responsibility for every single horrid happening reported constantly. If I take a step away, I see that the best interests of my well-being are served by my being well informed about my own circles of family and friends.

Other distractions, should I choose to let myself fall prey to their melodramatic Media blandishments, provide me with only a noxious and dangerous mix of highly-charged negative emotional stimuli. I can and I should do little or nothing that allows them to erode my sense of my Original Self.

My Original Self is that inner child, that new born angelic heart, whose sacred centre is an integral part of the peace and love from which it came, and to which, collectively, we are all returning home.

Nothing has to be changed for me as a good community member. It’s the same as it would have been for me in that little village in the countryside so many Moons ago!

If I am leading a good life as a productive and caring member of my peer groups, I must consciously take leave of the flow of dystopian Media hype which concerns other people, whose responsibilities and influence concern their own local communities.

The stasis of bliss

🐣The unexpected quiet trumpet call that awakens me to the stasis of bliss🕊️

As a boy, I was for a while an avid reader of sci-fi comics. They contained individual short stories. I willingly gave myself up to be lost in them.

I always remember how one particular ‘Alien’ described itself. This being, stranded on our planet Earth, said of itself I am “An Entity without Identity”.

The predicament of this creature from Outer Space has always beckoned to me. Whatever quality, whatever identity was attributed or assigned to it, that was what it instantly became!

A child passed by in the park, found what he said was a ball. On that instant, to his alien chagrin, this voyager from the great beyond became a rubber ball and the child began to play with it.

The child met an older man in the same park, who explained that the interior of a star contains matter at such extreme high density that a ball like the boy was holding could weigh as much as a battleship.

All at once, it was so! Crowds of people flocked to the park to see it and to try to move it.

Luckily for this unhappy stranded cosmic traveller, after several misadventures arising out of mismatched identities, someone with compassion and advanced gifts of logic got it back on its galactic journey again by assigning to it a cleverly constructed sequence of identities.

My fascination with this story was an example of my early attraction to the expression of myself as fluid impermanence, fully filled with and indeed intuitively comprised of the potential of possibilty. It is a concept with which I was later to find stimulating parallels in Zen.

So when someone sees me for example as “full of surprises”, in a trice, this is in truth my core persona…

If I am to some “open, creative and full of life”, all at once this is the truth of me. I do not change. I am what I see is mirrored by those who take me into their momentary gaze.

For the time of being, in an identity made solely of vulnerability, everything is possible. It is all true EveryNow. Nothing is excluded. Until the next trumpet call!

~ Love is present EveryNow

Bliss := Peace

First kiss

First kiss

I cannot tell how many hundreds of miles of trackways I have trailed since I seriously began country hiking on my own in about 1978.

Certain photos, such as this spot near Chettle, in north Dorset, remind me of when I was hungry and tired, and my dizzy exhilaration resembles nothing so much as a lover’s trance.

I force myself to pause and compose a shot, to give reverence to this moment. I feel this green place flows with green blood and my urge is to honour the eternal green moment echoing among fertile valleys of timeless green silence.

My body becomes as a planted pin on this map, as deeply rooted, as noiselessly noisy, as long established, as identifiably hairy and branchy as all of the surrounding flora within eyes reach.

Then I move on and I walk out into new places.

There is a complete, all-in-the-round island universe in that image.

In all these mysterious images, I am compelled by the rumble of love that was conceived in my breast to stand breathless and then I press the button. I allow the camera to let in the light. Some elements of the fifth dimension – the green magic – remain in the freeze-frame scenes.

The beauty of it is, that these magics are still here, are as clear to me now, and as familiar, as my first lover’s kiss

This sickness, “The Customer Is King”!

“The Customer Is King”! This is an invitation to blind ignorance. This is a thinly disguised invitation to a culpable ignorance which leads straight to intolerance.

There can be no defence which says, for example, it is unnecessary to teach our young how to shop, on the grounds that we all turn a blind eye to what shopkeepers feel when we treat them as an object, as a yielding target for insults, or for unfair, degrading, and even malicious abuse.

I had a rude awakening to the scale of damage caused to society by ignorance and lack of self-critical awareness.

The fact of my waiting on one side of a shop counter to serve people coming to the other side of the counter unburies and releases vile impulses of bullying and physical aggression on the part of a large minority of “ordinary folk”.

When I worked in shops and department stores in Central London, I also found that almost any retail worker can recount gut-wrenching episodes of this behaviour.

If you wish to contribute your accounts of your own suffering in retail and customer service, I think it would be a useful way to open up the debate on this hidden sickness.

People turn a blind eye to such behaviour, or they assume it must be a sad but unavoidable fact of retail life.

What happens to fill the humanity void when we start out in the mornings and continue through our days ignorant of our ignorance, hardly giving a thought to our responsibility to act with awareness, kindness, tolerance and active compassion to the sensitivities of others, playing down or not caring about our duties care?

What happens is that the health of civil society becomes undermined and endangered.
The void of untutored ignorance and of willful ignorance is often filled by fear. Fear that breeds a wrong attachment to contempt, and by extension to hatred, in all aspects of human affairs.

In all homes, all families, and every workplace, in all districts, countries and continents, from the earliest age, “schooling” is slated to provide the next generation with the knowledge and equipment to become an acceptable unit of social conformity.

I asked once at secondary school what the difference was in university.

The answer I was given went along these lines. “You learn to do your own research, so you can think for yourself and teach yourself. A university education, regardless of the chosen course of study, should help to create a mind that is disciplined, able to make self-informed choices supported by logic and rational argument. Such skills are highly prized in the world of work.”

We could continue blindly to content ourselves to inculcate acceptance by our young of the old ways of handed down social norms.

If we go on accepting the status quo, then by the time the few are fortunate to become qualified auto-didacts, it becomes far too late for the many.

Too late to become aware of their state of ignorance concerning the depths and breadth of the needs of others we live and interact with in civil society.

And far too late for most of them to recognize and reverse their contribution to the damage to the health of the society we all belong to.

I believe with passion that important improvements in everyday human relations are waiting to be made by devoting time during the years of compulsory education to the subject of awareness training of our individual duty of care towards people in the places and on the occasions we necessarily interact.

I am speaking of everyday skills which are so taken for granted that they are assumed not to be valid subjects of study, and still less subjects for teaching.

I’m speaking of social interactions such as these –

student & teacher;

buyer & shopkeeper;

pedestrian & road user;

passenger & driver;

patient & doctor, nurse, first aid worker, or emergency services worker;

taxpayer & government official;

voter & representative.

Also, at one remove, I’m thinking of –

consumer & factory worker, consumer & farmer,

consumer & financial and legal services provider.

In short, all givers and receivers of the work and service of others.

Uncountable damage has been done to trust and mutual respect in society since the systematic and ruthless application of that dictum, “The Customer is King.”

“The Customer is King”, “The Customer is Always Right” is as outmoded, and as blatantly unjust as it is destructive. I want us to let it loosen its grip on us all, because with education we can come back to reclaim ourselves with self-respect.

We can again, every one of us, reclaim our individual rights as Kings and Queens in our own domains, and not divided unnaturally into customers and servants.

I owe a living to no one other than me. No other person owes me a living. I do not say, “Get a life”. I do my best to live my own, so I know when I meet and truly interact, my own best will be one more light by which to see each other more clearly.

I make no case for unattainable expensive changes to create a vague and fluffy utopia . I say, teach how to see and feel things from the other person’s view initially by simple role-play.

Don’t teach by saying, “How would you like it if someone did [something nasty] ?… “
Offer practical role-play exercises, and say, “Now swap places. Swap roles. See what resources you need to draw on to give. See how different it is to take.”

Discover a whole world in giving and taking. And then tell us how you can change the way you are, at home, in the street, at school, at work, everywhere.

… … …

SEE http://www.trueactivist.com/mindfulness-and-meditation-will-now-be-part-of-the-curriculum-in-370-schools-in-england-t1/?utm_campaign=meetedgar&utm_medium=social&utm_source=meetedgar.com

SEE “The Hidden Persuaders” by Vance Packard 1957, the original inoculation against consumer manipulation.

~ “GIVE PEACE A CHANCE” ~

We are children

The elixir

My inner child, playmate, best friend

May I remember all of my growth. Growth physical and growth in heart’s love.

I want to remain alive to my heart’s ability to grow in heart love.

May I find the courage to draw on the power with which loving with loving kindness regenerates my heart’s expansion into love’s swaying flower fields and forests of kindness.

Every day let my fearful forward-fixed gaze give me a rest, so I pause and take stock.

Every day I will remember when I open my eyes awake, to let my heart take me by the hand, its own little child, wide-eyed in wonder, and lead me to learn new expanding abilities of loving to live.

At night, let me review this amazing journey of breath and blood, tears and sweat, so I remember why my heart is so rightly full of gratitude.

My heart and I have accepted challenges, made discoveries, assimilated life lessons, received and been blessed by growth.

The ebb and flow of heart’s luminosity assists and stands guard over growth and healing in my body.

In this inevitable plurality of beings, my heart drives me to connect. 

My own growth towards recognition, understanding and peaceful acceptance of who I am comes from unconditional, non-judgemental relationships.

Deep maternal love, which is one form of non-attached friendship, released my tiny child into the grassy flower-meadows of my very first summers.

Later on, my heart, strengthened and emboldened by the unmistakable benevolence of the Big Green, began to receive and to give non-judgemental friendship.

Stagnation dissolves and energetic growth returns when my inner child makes itself known to me again. It may be from hints, signs, clues to my senses, to my awareness, that my inner child’s presence peers past the curtains of my darkness, always dancing, always smiling, always beckoning me out to play and to laugh!

It may be my indirect sensation of its presence through my perception of its absence and the terrible pain of that lonely emptiness.
Mercifully, this pain is pure illusion.

My inner child wants to be found, it never hides! And so, with a little concentration, I can come to my inner child, playmate, best friend.

Then my inner child holds my hand once more, I am filled up, my heart is filled and my being is refreshed with the giggles of childhood.

With this we can live in the perfumed fields of happiness exactly as it was, as it always was and will be, for us and for all sentient life to the end of all things

My original child’s state of grace, let me remember it!

Let me know it again.
You and I are still filled up to the tip-top with the very same innocence and automatic acceptance of our natural and original condition, which is pure love, seen or not, felt or not, understood or misunderstood.

This acceptance is the elixir!

~ Love is present E v e r yN o w

My own Mother

I was on a solo backpacking day-ramble in the rolling lush late summer countryside around Monkton Wyld in Devon.

I came walking up from a wooded valley and saw this magnificent ancient Beech. It was too huge to photograph, but that didn’t occur to me.

Looking back, I must have gone into a minor trance of wonder and worship, a sort of falling in love at first sight – vegetable style!

In my mind’s eye, it’s there, just the bole of it, all sprouting out with thin new twiggy growth at the end of the season.

It is telling me my own story.

I was once upon a time also a new shoot, happy as the sunny day is long, knee-high to grasshoppers, under immense skies of early 1950s blue.

My height was under constant challenge from tall grasses, full grown corn, stands of giant stinging-nettles.

And of course those other, silent sentinals, the plain to see marvels of unlimited gigantism, the benign and welcoming upreach of the grand old elm trees where we lived near Aylesbury.

Today, I can equate looking up at the dark green remembered canopy, with my little boy self looking up at my own Mother

~ Love is present EveryNow

A vast compassionate strength reached out to hold me

§ The night a vastly superior strength held me close §

As my family and some few friends know, I suffered in my early twenties from periodic intense depressions.

I lost my opportunities to enter higher education, so carefully planned and worked for. I lost contact with my peers, who were starting university courses, establishing careers and founding nuclear families.

I lost my independence. And to a large extent, I became institutionalised during two long stays in hospitals, such that I later had to re-learn some of the most elementary routines of self-care.

I passed a couple of years in shadowland, on many medications, mostly good only to tranquillise and numb my emotions.

Finally here is where this story begins. I am being cared for by a good family friend, at her home with her young adult children.

For a number of weeks, I had been living in one small bedroom with my racing thoughts. They were not overwhelming or unfriendly thoughts, just tail-chasers. I was in unhappy disconnect from objective reality.

I surfed stories of mystery and imagination, locating myself like a Robinson Crusoe on my own island populated by innocent fantasies.

It is a documented fact. At around their late twenties, some fortunate few patients experience what medical professionals call Spontaneous Remission. This is an automatic correction or re-balancing. It is a phase-change, a transition from chaos to order. I refer to it as my second Epiphany.

This is the link to the journal of my first Epiphany in 1978 –
https://everynow.blog/2021/03/17/epiphany-the-second-co-tipperary-ireland/

I had consistently followed whatever medication regimes I was prescribed. For long periods at a time, I may well have been taking a broad spectrum of psycho-active drugs which were not relevant to my condition.

Lithium Carbonate was found to be a corrective new medication. This is an inorganic compound, related quite closely to that simple molecule commonly known as Chalk!

I dutifully accepted to take this one as I always had all the others. So much the better for me, as the events that followed were primed to take their course.

My intense experience of this event in 1969 is clear in my memory many tens of years after. It’s a short story in itself.

It happened quite literally overnight.

It coincided with and was induced by a few hours of almost unbearably intense physical pain. There was nothing other-worldly about it. It originated purely from elementary causes in my soma.

During the night-time hours of this traumatic physical trial, while the house was asleep, I began to pray as hard as I knew how, because the pain was not like anything else I could remember, not even acute appendicitis twenty years earlier. I had no way to understand it.

As the muscle spasms strengthened, it occurred to me I could not survive them at this rate. I began to prepare for when I might pass out and not wake up. I bit down hard into my pillow, because I didn’t want my teeth to smash.

Irrational as it seems to me still today, I made no attempt to alert the others in the house. This was my time. My time has come, as the saying goes.

The prayer I repeated was, “I offer my soul to you, my God. Do with me as you see fit.”

Later I learned that what I was enduring was not life threatening, but in the night hours, and after weeks out of reach of rational thought, I did believe I was most likely going to die.

I am perfectly sure my plea to God for mercy and my offering myself up to God to do with me as He wished was central to my realignment into objective reality.

Even as I grated the words of prayer through my throat, even though I knew they were the right words and that no other choice of words would do, some part of me felt slightly self-conscious.

Was this how objective rationality, with its attendant banality, was beginning to resurface?

In the grey light of morning, I woke up. I was pain-free.

I remember it in detail with crystal clarity, I was on my own wavelength again and fully aware of the frames of reference outside of myself.

In other words, for the first time in ages, I felt once more completely in touch with myself and with my thoughts. I experienced ‘normality’ like silence after a storm. I was active and present in my own quiet undramatic place in it.

I got out of bed and had a wash and a brush up. I even took a pair of nail scissors to my straggly beard and my unkempt hairline.

Then the unshaven hairy guy they had jokingly referred to in front of me as the Wild Man of Borneo, turned up in his dressing gown, to join the others and take his place, a bit sheepishly but with his usual good humour, at breakfast.

Not a word was said out of place. I noticed a few nervous incredulous and amused smiles exchanged around the table.

I never descended into this illness, or anything remotely like it again. I had travelled into, through and out of a series of Manic Depressive, or Bipolar episodes over three years.

Now I swiftly started on my return to the world of work and personal independence.

And I return again and again, with an awed sense of gratitude, to be in the presence of a compassionate strength, vastly superior to my own, which reached out to me, held me, cleansed me through and through on that night of dread and dark all on my own

Mine is a lifetime of living in gratitude.

Gratitude for the love and trust of my Father and Mother, my family, my friends, those many people who looked after me when I could not.

~ Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.

Amen Amen Amen

🌹Love with no object of love to love🌹

Wildflower Meadow seedlings

🌹Love with no object of love to love🌹

I find a lot of peace rises in me as I begin working in our little patch of green garden.

I am rested. 

These days, if I have no physical stress, such as fatigue, my state of inner stillness comes in closer. And I only have to turn my attention inwards to feel that same old Butterflies in the Tummy of being in love!

This was the state of being I entered, during my first experiences of Biodanza, and, with the witness of some shining soulfriends, I underwent an excavation which openly revealed my naked heart to me and to others way back in 2013, a year I call the “Year of my Life”.

I have grown to recognise this feeling of being permanently in love as a state of Grace. I am vaguely curious to find similar people who can “swap notes” about it with me. But I have begun to think that analysis or the naming of objects won’t change anything for me, nor will it show me anything new.

The state I entered into in the Year of My Life was propelled there by a number of emotional shocks or Epiphanies, which I have written up elsewhere on my EveryNow blog.

My emotional landscape is characterised by an illogical sense of continual and continuing newness.

Illogical, because a new awareness or new experience of feelings generally subsides over time, and the outlines decay to take on the perspective of something old, of something like “been there, done that”.

There is nothing old hat about my emotional state whenever I touch into my heart and feel the love. I cannot detect anything I can refer to as, “Oh, yes those finished and tidied away things over there!”

This puzzles me when I think about it. But that’s as far as it goes when I hold it up to examine it.

In fact, the place I have reached inside is like a wide open feeling of shared universal connection when walking a forest trail. Wide open, yes, except it’s “bigger on the inside than the outside”. 

With my most sacred space being all filled up, comes a perception of pure energy, disembodied and unrelated to spatial position.

Where good fiction is made believable by a suspension of disbelief, so the sense of being in love in isolation from and absolutely removed from any object for the love, takes on the form of a belief.

Like a participant in an audience at a dramatic presentation, my sensation of this love is high intensity, at high volume, yet peaceful, without forcefulness.

So, on every occasion when I touch into my heart, I acknowledge the presence of it all over again. And of course, with the freshness of a love renewed daily, it feels like it’s here now for the very first time!

Being thus reassured of its presence deeply inside, I put thoughts of questioning aside and get on with things.

I cannot grasp it, because it is not something I need to take or possess. Anyhow, it doesn’t have any attributes of possession.

For most of my adult life, I have navigated some fixed stars, with maxims I created, like:

“Love is the answer to which no question exists”,

“No question; answer is before”

“Summer and winter come and go

See the sense of season

Sleep naked of reason.

Old soil is new soil

In the dark seed’s eye”

What has opened in me links back to one or other of these concepts, and these in turn link back to key events and crossroads in my earlier life.

In turn, I track back along centuries of striving and surviving, trillions of gene iterations, through interstellar dust lanes hustling potential, to the beginning of beginnings.

How do you feel when you’re in love?

Your mind will take you eventually or immediately towards the object of your affection.

What has arrived in me, intense love, quenches every last residue of fear. The awareness of such love is self sustaining. It feels like perpetual motion eternally safe !

This place. This place of perpetuity, where the perception exists of itself, and in sole occupation of the heart of loving!

The only way I have to begin to describe it is to see how it belongs.

It belongs to itself alone.

At the same time, the only other two ways to express it are to sing or scream out loud like a frantic teenager, or to go share the joy, in every possible way I have learned how to, with all those who do have ears and eyes.

Exactly as I believe do you, dear Reader!

~Love is present EveryNow

Nothing but electrons


°>×Nothing but electrons×<°

I have to report this.

I was recently abducted by alien technology transport.

Don’t reach for the off-button! This is still me in my skull. However, everything I knew before my ride has undergone a green-shift.

It was night. The machine I had been invited into reversed quietly on a narrow rough track, but I felt no bumps. We were somewhere in rural Hampshire, where Crop Circles Hardly Happen, .

We engaged onto an English single track country lane. I noticed smooth power. And not a sound.

The Man said, “There is no engine. Under the bonnet is another boot storage space.”

I looked down for a gear shift, or up for an understated gear-paddle.

He said, “No engine. No need for gears.”

In the space left by no gearshift is a Useful Cup Holder and space for personal items.

Power from a bank of batteries in the floor of the vehicle is entirely controlled by computers operating in close harmony with state-of-the-art Global Positioning software. The computers receive firmware and software updates OTA – Over The Air.

A fourteen-by-eight inch central colour display and monitor is addressed by touch.

What are those two buttons on each side? I am bold to ask.

“This one is for the hazard lights. That one opens the glove box.”

I asked the one in the driver’s seat if this car is a hybrid, if it takes petrol, or oil.

“No engine; nothing goes in except electrons.”

It was night, and soon we entered the first motorway.

We were having a discussion about the balls and chains with which corporate petroleum interests still try to shackle advances in battery technology. That was when I noticed three things.

First, the driver-side display showing our car (head lights lit), between two continuous glowing blue lines. I could see radar images of the traffic ahead in our lane.

Second, up to this point on our journey, my driver man had not touched the steering wheel at all. He flicks the indicator and the car accelerates, the steering wheel moves, I watch on the radar display as we overtake a slow lorry, and the car returns to our lane to cruise in a posh but unfamiliar silence-bubble at maximum speed limit. Not a fraction over or under.

Third, not once in the 30 mile trip did the driver touch the brakes! In the rare and frankly unlikely event of a traffic emergency which the computer couldn’t compute, he could hit the brakes to take instant full manual control.

This autonomous vehicle and its batteries, a brainchild of the man with the science-fiction name of Elon Musk, not only attracts zero Road Tax, but under corporation tax rules, HMRC makes a net tax refund for the running of it! The car’s running costs are piffling insignificant compared to any hydrocarbon fuelled vehicle.

On cloud nine, I thanked my alien for the ride of my life, and I got out, still an Earthling, but a changed earthling.

All by itself, the chunky five figure price tag for this autonomous luxury earthship from the Far Future is ample justification for my buying the occasional Lottery ticket.

Meaningful choice

What choice is there in the geometric single point?

Only refer

Choice is always predicated on a point of reference. Reduce reference points to zero (not that this can be done) and choice virtually disappears. Here we are operating at the level of micro-organisms.

Meaningful choice involved with interactions initiates from a point of reference. With no point of reference, no meaning can be apparent, and visible colour and the inspiration to initiate are at their perigee.

If I am at peace in my most sacred space, if my relation to the me I call myself is all compassion and respect for the integrity of my identity, I can act from a position of trust.

This is the trust to which I am beholden because it allows me to deploy from my innate centre of power. This place is blind to action, yet all-seeing. This place is stillness of unimaginable breadth and depth, yet it remains sensitive to the tiniest movements of sentience in the web of life.

If I am able to access the ataraxia of my original self, the place where who I am is far less of a motivator than to whom I am beholden for my connectivity, then I can act with security to make choices which accord and harmonise with the source of boundless love from which I came, and to which I am to return.

My power revealed is my self returned to the womb.

~ Love is present EveryNow

Love with no object of love to love

I worked in the garden for some hours after breakfast. It’s satisfying to see the patch of bare, sieved earth I prepared a few weeks ago now sprouting up and up! These will be the mixed Wildflowers and Traditional Meadow Grasses which I ordered when lockdown began.

Wildflower meadow seedlings

I find a lot of peace rises in me as I begin working in our little patch of green.

Today would have been the first day of Colourfest 2020. Several friends say this outdoor Dorset festival was their top favourite. They are posting warm and warming memories on Facebook.

I am rested. I find these days that if I have no physical stress, such as fatigue, my state of inner stillness comes in closer. And I only have to turn my attention inwards to feel that same butterflies in the tummy of being in love!

This was the state of being I entered, during my first experiences of Biodanza, and, with the witness of some shining soulfriends, I underwent an excavation which openly revealed my naked heart to me and to others way back in 2013, the “Year of my Life”.

I have grown to recognise this feeling of being permanently in love as a state of Grace. I am vaguely curious to find similar people who can “swap notes” about it with me. But I have begun to think that analysis or the naming of objects won’t change anything for me, nor will it show me anything new.

The state I entered into in the Year of My Life was propelled there by a number of emotional shocks or Epiphanies, which I have written up elsewhere on my EveryNow blog.

My emotional landscape is characterised by an illogical sense of continual and continuing newness.

Illogical, because a new awareness or new experience of feelings generally subsides over time, and the outlines decayed to take on the perspective of something old, of something like “been there, done that”.

There is nothing old hat about my emotional state whenever I touch into my heart and feel the love. I cannot detect anything I can refer to as, “Oh, yes those finished and tidied away things over there!”

This puzzles me when I think about it. But that’s as far as it goes when I hold it up to examine it.

In fact, the place I have reached inside I compare to the experience for a pair of good friends who are out strolling in companionable mindful wonder along an ancient forest trail. It is a wide open feeling of shared universal connection.

As the well-known saying goes from the Doctor Who series to explain the TARDIS inexplicable hyper-lightspeed time travel capabilities, “the TARDIS is bigger on the inside than the outside”.

With my most sacred space being all filled up, comes a perception of pure energy, disembodied and unrelated to spatial position. Where good fiction is made believable by a suspension of disbelief, so the sense of being in love in isolation from and absolutely removed from any object for the love, takes on the form of a belief.

Like a participant in an audience at a dramatic presentation, my sensation of this love is high intensity, at high volume, yet peaceful, without forcefulness.

So, on every occasion when I touch into my heart, I acknowledge the presence of it all over again (and of course it feels like it’s here now for the very first time!) and being thus reassured of its presence deeply inside, I put thoughts of questioning aside and get on with things.

I cannot grasp it, because it is not something I want to take or possess. Anyhow, it doesn’t have any attributes of possession.

For most of my adult life, I have navigated some fixed stars, with maxims I created. Such as:

“Love is the answer to which no question exists”,

and

“See the sense of season
Sleep naked of reason.
Old soil is new soil
In the dark seed’s eye”

What has opened in me links back to one or other of these concepts, and these in turn link back to key events and crossroads in my earlier life. In turn, I track back along centuries of striving and surviving, trillions of gene iterations, through interstellar dust lanes hustling potential, to the beginning of beginnings.

How do you feel when you’re in love?

Your mind will take you eventually or immediately towards the object of your affection.

What has arrived in me, intense love, quenches every last residue of fear. The awareness of such love is self sustaining. It feels like perpetual motion eternally safe !

The place of perpetuity, where the emotion exists of itself, and in sole occupation of the heart of loving, the only way I have to begin to describe it is to see how it belongs.

It belongs to itself alone.

At the same time, the only other two ways to express it are to sing or scream out loud like a frantic teenager, or to go share the joy, in every possible way I have learned how to, with all those who do have ears and eyes. Exactly as I believe do you, dear Reader!

~Love is present EveryNow

May all beings be happy and free

May all beings everywhere be happy and free.

May my thoughts, words, and actions contribute in some way to happiness and freedom for all

~ Love is present E v e r yN o w

A quiet time together

🌿 A quiet time together 🍃

I and some others, who took part in the guided Tree Walk with Anthony Goh one morning at Colourfest in 2013, intensely felt the experience and came away with deep impressions from the trees themselves.

The two most tactile tangible realities we are all intimately in connection with throughout our existence are other human beings within the animal world, and grass, flowers and trees, as well as the plants we eat as food in the world of vegetables.

I write this again, as new leaves are all unfurling, in gratitude to Anthony Goh.

— Earth Mother bore our shoeless dancing feet with tender green love. Sky Father trees, all unconscious of their benign majesty, held millions of green solar flags high over us.

— At Colourfest 2013, our experience with Tree Walk on Sunday, two by two, now eyes shut, now eyes open, touching, embracing, discovering the treeness of trees in the way of young lovers, while we bathed in the peal of bells blown towards us on a light warm breeze from Wimborne St Giles Church, was the pinnacle of bliss. It deeply moved all who took part, whether first-timers like myself, or not.

— The shockingly blissful conjunction of ourself with trees to the serious and gentle promptings of Anthony Goh was, in one word, thrilling.

— From that day on, my relationship with trees changed forever. For one thing, trees to me are no longer there like items which happen to be in my line of sight outside of me. They are fellow beings. Every one has a life story, a unique identity – a Treesonality.

Every one has an inner smile which I know I can share just by spending a little quiet time with the Treeness of Trees.

~ Love is present EveryNow

http://www.colourfest.co.uk

Meditation on Strength

A meditation on strength ⚡

A meditation on Strength

This image presents as a shield for a meditation on Strength.

The viewer is invited to place their attention on either elevation, facing or from the obverse.

Intermediate rotational views are available from every degree of the 360°.

Views are freely available in yaw, roll and pitch, in any desired combination of the axes of rotation.

If no attention is directed, if no thought comes, if there is no light, no dark, no significance of any kind, what remains for those who may be about to turn from this offered gift?

Intense purity of peace and love remain.

With the law of conservation of energy, nothing at all goes to waste.

The continuation of the streaming of powerful loving kindness remains.

Nothing passes unnoticed to the compassionate eye.

Love present EveryNow is powerful like the unimaginable energies lolling and roiling in the interior of Sol, our Sun.

Love present EveryNow is tender like the last rays of light, which took a hundred thousand years to come to the surface of the Sun, and which trickle over the  horizon’s edge at the setting of the Sun

~ Love is present EveryNow

💫 There is no “end”, only endless beginning 💫

The stark truth of the transience and the impermanence of living has never, in most of our lifetimes, been so vivid and so fearfully close to our day to day.

I arrived for a holiday in Israel. Two days later war was declared.

During a war, no one has a convenient book to pull off the shelf to look up how it all ended.

I have grown to love, respect and feel comfortable with the immediate reality of the reality of continual change.

Make no mistake, I fear for us all. 

At the same time, change is a pivotal quality of the present moment – the EveryNow. It’s my happy place.

Welcome, dear Heart. Welcome to my happy place!

~ Love is present EveryNow

The thing about trying

The Thing about Trying

The thing about trying is it’s so easy to forget that search and arrival are minor punctuation in the flow of the impermanent ever-changing unvarying transience of it all.

Flow and flux are good reminders of where reality really is at…

Awareness
of
infinite
Sufficiency
in
the
moment

Love’s

presence

E v e r yN o w


For the journey to begin, first it is necessary to arrive

[photo by Susan Scott, poet]

“For the journey to begin, first it is necessary to arrive”

The journey has no end in any sense of the word “end”. It begins all the time and always.

“I arise, I flower, I am to melt away”

The journey analysed melts into millions of fragments I call EveryNow.

These EveryNow fragments resemble the diamonds of light my early childhood self remembers seeing, when I wandered out of our thatched cottage home into a Midsummer dawn.

The sunrise came filtering through light rain on the eastern horizon. Everywhere everything was bathed in a rare, ethereal, rosy orange glow.

As the rising sunlight grazed the dew drops on the cow pasture, the small boy I was saw the meadow as a sea of diamond rainbow lights.

Dreamlike is the quality of the journey which is clasped in the peace of acceptance.

The dissolution of the journey becomes the journey.
I seek not the journey, I seek to become.

In the becoming, peace grows an intimate wildflower meadow in my heart.

My pilgrim heart contains all the peace I need for a fulfilled and fulfilling life.

~ And Love is present EveryNow

. … .♪♡♪. … .

My inner little boy had this transcendental experience in the Midsummer sunrise over the meadow!

. … .♪❀♪. … . 

Mum and I were in our thatched cottage in the quietest countryside.

The cottage is shown on the Domesday Book map. It’s one of a few in a traffic free hamlet named

Sedrup Green, set around a cow pasture at the end of a single track lane where farm labourers dwelt.

On this morning my Mum was asleep. I must have opened my eyes and seen the eeiry red cast outside.

I let myself out of the thatched cottage and I walked around in disbelieving wonder at the way everything glowed under the same ruddy red rosy light.

I remember standing facing the sun and I shifted my weight slightly in my sandalled feet to capture the tiny rainbow glints refracted off the dew drops in the longer grasses.

God knows how long I stayed there receiving this benediction. It was long enough that my 73⅞ year old self today can return to my boy soul and stand close to his enchanted subdued excitement o

He felt the need to share this phenomenon. And this revertion of attention to a third party caused him to become aware of his own presence in the graceful silence of the overarching dawn skies.

This grace somehow belonged to him. It quickened him as he observed himself the solitary privileged witness to one of the glories of the natural world, freely visible, offered with no precondition.

Just as it had arrived, this temple of grandiose pink silence was beginning to slip away and meld into something underwhelmed. 

As the sun rose higher, I kept an afterburn image, which I now clasped tight in my child heart.

I ran back inside the house. I said to my Mother, “Mummy, there are Diamonds in the grass!”

Love’s presence EveryNow

AUM

Shantih  Shantih  Shantih

The pain and confusion of the dark

⚫The pain and confusion of the dark⚪

It is at least half a century since I lived the pain and confusion of the dark.

How much can I usefully contribute to comfort and encourage you in your dark time today?

In these happy years since I re-joined the Tribe, the peer group, and entered freely into open-hearted communion with like friends, I am rediscovering the world of connection as I go.

After a falling away of fruitless trying and trying, and the beginnings of acceptance had crept into and become allied with my day to day curiosity, the way out of the dark for me was to place myself in the way of making acquaintances and friendships.

It is a step which requires a certain amount of bravery. But not more than, say, deciding to run for that bus, and not just to let it drive off without me.

You are preoccupied. You may feel plagued. Stand back from the troubles inside, face outwards with curiosity and bravery.

Look to immerse your attention in person in the presence of other people’s lives, however different or trivial seeming to what you feel you are enduring.

By being a listener, by giving your precious presence, merely as a sincere witness, both you and the one on whom who you attend will be transformed. It’s not like change; it’s about transformation.

Things began to dramatically shift when I was curious enough and brave enough to join small groups with regular activities.

After about half a century, I began to notice the mirroring in other people.

Yes, the groundwork during that long time span had been prepared by travels through various powerful epiphany experiences along the way. I have set them down elsewhere on my Facebook page. Search for “epiphany” in my EveryNow blog.

All my life, I had taken it for granted that my light belonged hidden under that bushel!

I had so often played down positive comments about me, even from my Mother and Father, that I had lost interest in myself. I hardly gave my morning reflection a second glance.

I began to understand that I had no idea at all who this person I call myself actually is. It was hard to see “me” in photos of me.

I had stopped looking at my reflection in the mirror. I had reduced my image of myself so far down in importance that I had stopped taking myself into consideration.

I received a terrifying and desperate shock when I was asked to describe my very earliest happy memories. I tried to recall the face of the blissful little boy I remembered who was strolling in a flower meadow in the early 1950s.

To my horror, there was only a pale oval where my childish features should have been clear to recognise! I broke down at the realisation.

I no longer recognised the person others recognised when they saw –  really saw – me.

This is not to say I never saw others. My desire to see others deeply, holistically and using all my intuition, mind and soul had always been accentuated by the ever-present ‘clouds of unknowing’ which surrounded my image of me.

Today I accept without reservation it is to some degree or other perfectly true to say we are all of us without any exceptions at all, amazing, beautiful, miraculous, even angelic beings.

Through my new found contact, sometimes very intimate contact, as in the joyful practise of regular Biodanza, I arrived at a starting point – the basic premise of which is that we are Love.

“I am Love”. Utter tosh? Wishy-washy slackness of mind?

When I first saw those words, it was in 2013. They made no sense. Read them backwards, forwards, in any order, I still thought some key word must be missing.

I was Love-blind.

I began to feel severely challenged when I tried to maintain my closed-off, shut-down, received attitude of “No not me”, which is inculcated into all of us from our earliest socialising years by wider society.

And then I surrendered!

I was obliged to stop and stand still, when I was brought face-to-face with the light of my original self by repeated “mirrorings” from new people all around me.

These were people I had begun to deeply respect. I began to see with my eyes, possibly for the first time in 66 years, the light of other people’s integrity shining with unconditional trust from their own hearts’ source.

I can never dowse the brilliant and beautiful shocking startlement of finding myself, eye-to-eye, momentarily in the shared sacred space of the heart of another!

I embraced – literally – that fact… I am Love. We are all Love.

“Go meet others” probably sounds trite. But triteness here makes it more, not less valid.

I am drawn to say that the unbearable absence of light and the terrible destructive pain of not being able to find some way of your own to fill the absence is all illusory.

Of course the pain is real. But only as real as the strength of desire aroused by the thought of eating some favourite, but unavailable delicacy.

Thoughts such as these that never lead anywhere but into the dark are an ever-present part of our human condition.

Luckily for our peace of mind and our sanity, with a minimum of training, such thoughts can be spotted as they approach, and we allow them to dissolve, long before they come too close, bite, draw blood, and embed.

If you seek the answer, do not question.

There is no question.

Nothing is buried hidden.

There is always only the answer.

What is the answer? The answer is like two children playing Hide-and-seek.

One counts to twenty, eyes closed.

When the eyes open, oh the shock! The other child never ran to hide, but stayed in front and in plain sight, grinning!

We are human.

Our hearts are not designed for loneliness and our bodies are not capable of tolerating much physical pain.

We are beings.

There is no such thing as a vacuum. No such attainable point as Absolute Zero. The reality of an atom is in an energy equilibrium composed of multiple particle-waveforms replete with unlimited potentiality in spectacular extreme motion.

So it is with us! 

A being gains in sentience from other beings, starting with its ancestral origins, and all throughout life and on.

There is no meaning and there is no value in the dark whirlpool.

All any of us need in order to feel a sense of completeness is the witness of true friends. A friend, or an acquaintance with a pure heart, who knows they are constituted of love can always bring me again into the light of my original being for the simple reason that I am love.

Fly! Decide to fly.

I cannot usefully say more. Life is sparkling, ever shifting brilliance. Be dazzled. Go well

~ Love is present EveryNow