The Acceptor

The Acceptor

There is a pressure from within to be creative. Our human creative impulse is sacred and precious, and it springs eternal from within us all.

I tend to measure the extent of my wellbeing by how much room and time I devote to any creative thought, impulse or activity.

I brindle and bristle loudly at the mention of things inside feeling as if they are not right during blank or uncreative episodes. I would get even more agitated, if these periods of no creativity are called out as not good.

The leafless “lifeless” trees in winter engage in new life-giving creativity through a symbiosis of biochemical fungal activity deep in their earth-bound roots.

In recent years, the intense all pervading peace I have found through conscious cultivation of acceptance during the seemingly dead zones of my weeks and days has taught me to be the Acceptor.

I can accept harmony and balance continue growing wholesome and undamaged even though I may not be able to visit or view or creatively engage with them, when my heart seems cloaked off in those null, dull, dark times.

I am not unlike a living rooted plant. I must gratefully accept as gifts the fluctuations in the circumstances and the environment that is mine. Like a plant, I accept that certain elements like harmony and balance may play out on such large time-scales that I may not get so much as a reassuring glimpse of them in my daily life.

I do know my whole being is well-taken care of by mysterious forces of Lunar wellness and Solar goodness. I do know I am massively grateful to have occasional glimpses by the Ah! of simple hindsight into those mysterious and ever-present flows of life-giving strength which the Sun and Moon fill me with.

Summer and winter

Come and go

See the sense of season

Sleep naked of reason

Love is present EveryNow

The search for EveryNow

~ Love is present EveryNow ❤️

For years I questioned how I can be in total comfort with myself? How can I be happy and my spirits be in balance? 

Always these questions around introspection and self-enquiry for me. 

After my very young inner child had successfully built grand defences against early trauma, the sea of companionship receded from me and I was on my own fortified island. 

Marooned as the “me I call myself” long after my defences had ceased to serve their purpose, I was perpetually on an elusive quest to “catch” myself engaged fully in my most completely alive and revealing moments, at peace and in bliss.

So I feel to share again in gratitude and in simple celebration the mutual recognition of light and beauty in another, and the reflection in me.

Here, in another time of writing, is my pixel of truth as a member of humanity… “So when I try to define my life’s force in words, or dance, or music, or art, it does not resist me, neither can it escape me, because it is me.

On rare exquisite occasions my life-force can turn towards me and light me up with a smile of a beautiful person whose gaze I meet, and I am melted clean. “

I once put this on paper…” In the intervening time since I first wrote this, I have many times over been ‘melted clean’. Every time this minor miracle happens, my heart tells me, ‘Leap for joy! Loop the loop!’ until the last remnants of grime and sludge disappear from the windscreen of my pedestrian view. “

It is when I am no longer aware of it, and have not ‘reminded myself’ to tell myself that I am happy, that the quintessence of pleasure occurs. It occurs the way a bubbling freshwater spring upwells.

And here, for many years, and indeed for my first 66 years, submission to the joy of the moment – EveryNow – remained a pretty metaphor, an intriguing glimpse of other people’s existences, but never my own.

My route to arrival (in part) at EveryNow was through my furious and repeated focus over an extended period of years on these two puzzles.

What constitutes the bliss that so utterly takes “me” over? And where am “I” at the moment I vanish and become “become” bliss?

Again… what is the experience like to completely “be” someone else? Put in other words, what is it to fully present my own self with the pure distillation of the sentience of another living sentient creature?

By engaging myself in this roller-coaster thought-ride, centrifugal force may fling me off. It is just one of the many ways to lose myself and find the world. 

If I care to think on it, this is the best endeavour of all of my powers of understanding and intuition set to the task of vanishing as being me, and to entering into the sacred presence of the essential essence of another. Another man, woman, tree, even a stone!

Less is so much more that it defies description!

And it is this lack of definitive Definitions, this willingness of mine to take the courage of my own spiked curiosity, in the absence of labelling intentions, that brings me to see there are two things which have meaningful existence: Peace and Love.

Love is the child of Light and Peace.

What makes all the foregoing worthwhile and valid? These two: Peace and Love. Peace and Love are qualities which together constitute my heart, my most sacred personal space.

And I have a simple practical way to find myself whenever I am in need, feel troubled, restless or lost. 

The reality for me of the existence in me of Love and Peace is not just a chunk of factual knowledge that I can refer to. 

Through thick and thin, illness, despair, literal clinical madness and the mayhem of chaos, I know for sure I need only look inwards. 

I only need touch into this heart of mine with a smile in order to reignite my entire panoply of reasons to be alive and to continue to live.

Instantly I am driven to raise and praise these qualities and make them known and shared far and wide.

And principally to those I love.

~ Love is present  E v e r yN o w ❤️

a happy ripple in a continuum of life

My state is open and aware and quiet.

The self I call “I” is a flat calm transparent natural boundary. Clear water is deep down, air is deep up.

The surface is almost colourless, without ripple or feature. It extends without horizon, but never leaves my sight.

In such a state I can ride and stay in balance during the time I am presented in the here and now with thoughts, feelings, distractions and discomfort.

Here, from my surface I offer this.

It is through my extraordinary journey of unanticipated heart awakening, around the time I began the regular practice of Biodanza in February 2013, that I know I can fully access healing. That, together with other understandings related to identification of ancient hurts and the resolution of previously unrecognised confusions, have granted my awareness of myself the opportunity of expansion and room in which to expand.

As I become self-aware, aware of the sanctity of the gift of life being lived and experienced more and more abundantly, so in equal measure I value the gift of life in relation to other living sentient beings.

What comes from living in such a new and richly jewelled life is a greater gratitude than I have ever known. It has far reaching implications on my remaining days of life. It is the ever-growing understanding that my life is not a discrete occurrence only in me. I am a pixel of humanity, and life is living through all things and beings, sentient and not sentient.

I am a happy ripple in a continuum of life. Life lives me as I live life.

Here’s the thing… Nothing has changed! Everything is utterly different and constantly completely new! The newness is “EveryNow”.

I begin my journey of exploration and discovery all over again from the very start every moment. Nothing existed in the previous instant of this awareness of existence to guide me to where I am. At any given moment, I look forward with barely containable excitement to the certainty of discoveries in the moment following.

I think of it like this. For the first fifty years I had been “Living to Love”, which is decorous, pretty, even beautiful, but it is an existence limited by inconsequential superficiality.

As my heart awakes and presents its face towards me to greet me, my heart starts “Loving to Live”.

This is the wholesome, plain and simple adoption of the richly textured reality of here and now, of “EveryNow”.

I am no longer secreted away in a place of safety of my own elaborate construction, but I go shining with gratitude and wonder at the mere fact of being vital and alive.

This is a state of being which is totally raw, exposed and vulnerable, but simultaneously full of living courage, and naked certainty.

Unencumbered by fear, my state of being can freely develop in its self-expression in the knowledge that it has its permanent residence in the secure environment of the heart’s pure and spectacular peace.

We are all capable of healing.

It’s about trusting love to come into close contact inside my most personal sacred space, and knowing that there, in that serene place of peace, I can heal.

We all just can

~ Love is present EveryNow

*Flowering grace*

Parnassia grandifolia, or Largeleaf Grass of Parnassus

🟠🟢Flowering grace🟢🟠

Everything about this flower speaks of grace and sufficiency of design for purpose.
What looks to my eyes as a decorative trim, and is a sequence of shapes totally unique to this one individual, is likely to be an intrinsic part of its close relationship to its pollinators.
There is an extremely important message for me to examine in my aesthetic response to this living entity.
I ask Myself,
“How far can I travel along the journey of understanding about the quality of my response as an alive being to another alive ‘being’ ?”
I ask of Flower,
“What part of my sensibility is so strongly “contacted” by your shape, colour, patterning, texture, scent, movement in the air? And what part of me awakes and replies to your ‘touch’ ?”
And this is what I hear:
“My time alive
weighs exactly as much
as the lives I connect with.”
Therefore I kneel before the flower
who speaks so wisely of serene sufficiency.
Only connect!
All my waking time.
Only connect.
Connection will hold me
safe in the balance-scales
till the end my life.
~ Love is present EveryNow