The search for EveryNow

~ Love is present EveryNow ❤️

For years I questioned how I can be in total comfort with myself? How can I be happy and my spirits be in balance? 

Always these questions around introspection and self-enquiry for me. 

After my very young inner child had successfully built grand defences against early trauma, the sea of companionship receded from me and I was on my own fortified island. 

Marooned as the “me I call myself” long after my defences had ceased to serve their purpose, I was perpetually on an elusive quest to “catch” myself engaged fully in my most completely alive and revealing moments, at peace and in bliss.

So I feel to share again in gratitude and in simple celebration the mutual recognition of light and beauty in another, and the reflection in me.

Here, in another time of writing, is my pixel of truth as a member of humanity… “So when I try to define my life’s force in words, or dance, or music, or art, it does not resist me, neither can it escape me, because it is me.

On rare exquisite occasions my life-force can turn towards me and light me up with a smile of a beautiful person whose gaze I meet, and I am melted clean. “

I once put this on paper…” In the intervening time since I first wrote this, I have many times over been ‘melted clean’. Every time this minor miracle happens, my heart tells me, ‘Leap for joy! Loop the loop!’ until the last remnants of grime and sludge disappear from the windscreen of my pedestrian view. “

It is when I am no longer aware of it, and have not ‘reminded myself’ to tell myself that I am happy, that the quintessence of pleasure occurs. It occurs the way a bubbling freshwater spring upwells.

And here, for many years, and indeed for my first 66 years, submission to the joy of the moment – EveryNow – remained a pretty metaphor, an intriguing glimpse of other people’s existences, but never my own.

My route to arrival (in part) at EveryNow was through my furious and repeated focus over an extended period of years on these two puzzles.

What constitutes the bliss that so utterly takes “me” over? And where am “I” at the moment I vanish and become “become” bliss?

Again… what is the experience like to completely “be” someone else? Put in other words, what is it to fully present my own self with the pure distillation of the sentience of another living sentient creature?

By engaging myself in this roller-coaster thought-ride, centrifugal force may fling me off. It is just one of the many ways to lose myself and find the world. 

If I care to think on it, this is the best endeavour of all of my powers of understanding and intuition set to the task of vanishing as being me, and to entering into the sacred presence of the essential essence of another. Another man, woman, tree, even a stone!

Less is so much more that it defies description!

And it is this lack of definitive Definitions, this willingness of mine to take the courage of my own spiked curiosity, in the absence of labelling intentions, that brings me to see there are two things which have meaningful existence: Peace and Love.

Love is the child of Light and Peace.

What makes all the foregoing worthwhile and valid? These two: Peace and Love. Peace and Love are qualities which together constitute my heart, my most sacred personal space.

And I have a simple practical way to find myself whenever I am in need, feel troubled, restless or lost. 

The reality for me of the existence in me of Love and Peace is not just a chunk of factual knowledge that I can refer to. 

Through thick and thin, illness, despair, literal clinical madness and the mayhem of chaos, I know for sure I need only look inwards. 

I only need touch into this heart of mine with a smile in order to reignite my entire panoply of reasons to be alive and to continue to live.

Instantly I am driven to raise and praise these qualities and make them known and shared far and wide.

And principally to those I love.

~ Love is present  E v e r yN o w ❤️

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