My signature poem – Journey

Journey
This poem, Journey, is like my signature poem.

I composed it at the beginning of my eclosure after 66 years. It is still my truth. It is a guide which allows me to recognise the journey of others.

It is so thrilling. I try to describe how I balance the way I am the observer of my Journey (my Work, my Endeavour, my Passage, my unselfconscious ritual of the being I call me) against the unending flux of it.

One element of the wonder at this unfolding is the bright newness of it. Nothing is the same. It is newness without end. There is an inclination to want to find stability in a maelstrom of newness.

There is a need for a gathering of myself and of my balance as I walk out into a high gale. Please! Let it pause, and give me time to see what’s happening and where it is I’m going!

The visualisation of my new surroundings, though it may be confusing, is in many ways exactly what it is I am waking and walking into!

There no otherwhere from which to observe.

I am not going anywhere new. I am new. I am new EveryNow.

On the one hand, all that the me I call myself has been before is out of mind and out of date. On the other hand, where I am arriving can be felt by me with such intensity as to be overwhelming.

Overwhelm of beauty, of love, of wonder and gratitude, to name only a few.

That there is only positivity and that there is a perception of the moment as being a continuum of flux of always astonishing beauty is the truth about the journey.

If I take a measure, and hold up scepticism to the words I use, I can always touch into my heart. I see again the familiar orange glow, I hear the silent melodies, and my heart, unerring, redistributes love into balance.

This touching the heart is a way to feel the grace of knowingly being alive, and it is always a flip-flop of divine pleasure. It is the visceral warmth from a glance – my lover’s eyes meeting mine.

I do not give myself imaginings of stories in which I play any part. To do that would lift me outside of the EveryNow. A whole world of paper-thin blown-glass structures would shatter. And I would be nowhere to be seen.

If there is any purpose to my presence, so intensively alight, in the flux of it all, it is to be as translucent as I can be, so these things I write about are not shaded nor occulted in any way by my shining them.

Last, in trying to find imagery that fits, I visualised these icebergs.

Here is a vast planetary ocean where towering huge ice people, lighter than the liquid where they’ve been living, are emerging from the deep.

As they break surface, gigantic glittering waterfalls cascade from their shoulders.

Every enormous brilliantly shining face has mouth open in silent wonder at the sight of the deep from above, the perfect curvature of horizon, the sky, the sun, and the startling beauty of the emergences of others.

~ Love is present EveryNow

Under the influence

On Thadée Pilley’s indirect influence on my life.

My Father was a conference interpreter. Over thirty and more years he travelled four continents extensively for his work. He once counted 56 countries visited.

He recognised his privileged life, and it was a great joy to him to be able to give full reign to his boyish passion for exploration.

In the late 1940s, when on interpretation assignments in Europe, he would travel on the plane with his favourite form of instant transport – the collapsible Corgi scooter [photo].

In the more far away countries, once the day’s session was done, he didn’t hang around at the hotel as most people on business do. He’d hire a motor scooter, and dive deep, often at random, into town and countryside to discover places and things, and to meet people.

The Collapsible Corgi Scooter

He would regularly land himself into adventures. Most were quirky, weird and wonderful, some led him into real physical danger, injury even. His extractions formed part of the climax of his travellers tales.

He would enjoy retelling his incredible exploits over a meal at family get-togethers. He was an excellent raconteur and he loved holding ‘centre stage’.

Sadly, I remember only the outlines of a very few of my late Father’s famous stories.

In the heyday of the Cold War spy era, the best spy camera, as featured in classic fiction, was the German made Minox. My Dad carried a Minox in each pocket, one for black and white, one for colour, capacity 50 high quality 8mm photos on every film.

He was an amateur with a gift for subject, composition and timing. He accumulated a large collection of real, not tourist, travel images.

I am proud to be the custodian of his photos and colour transparencies. I hope to digitise these.

His professional working hours demanded intense concentration. It was a kind of “letting off steam” for him to use his free time abroad to visit as many culturally interesting places and events as he could cram into his work days in all these far-flung countries.

If a museum he might chance to find were unfortunately closed, he would find the key holder and by his charm and diplomacy be granted sole access out of hours.

I have witnessed for myself his cheeky refusal to take no for an answer. His ever active curiosity would draw him towards official notices such as, Private Keep Out, Closed, No Admittance, Authorised Persons Only. He regarded these as his personal and exclusive welcome signs.

My Dad, my Mother and I aged 6 or 7, were walking in Amsterdam on a Sunday. In those days, Sunday meant “closed”.

I remember standing in front of the imposing black double doors of the Rijksmuseum in the early morning, while my Father pressed the bell. One of the doors opened. A conversation took place in Dutch. The door closed behind us. We had the entire museum to ourselves.

My memory of this is strong, because we hadn’t had breakfast, I had no interest in my cavernous surroundings, I was simply a tired little boy. So I attached myself to one of my Father’s ankles (I can still see his trouser turnups!) and he dragged me gallantly along the highly polished parquet of the museum gallery floors!

One of my own such stories, inspired by my Father’s example, is of just such a fortuitous and memorable personal guided tour of a prehistoric grotto in the Dordogne. A long car journey brought me at 4 o’clock to the small ticket office of a Crystal Grotto with prehistoric drawings.

The man was closing up for the day. I told him why I had come so far to see his cave. Age 8, while my late father was chatting to him, I had sat on the knee of one of the four brothers, the original discoverers of the now world famous Grotte de Lascaux. Please, after a lifetime of waiting, would the Guardien kindly let me see this cave? He agreed, and he enjoined me not tell a soul!

In the early 1960’s, my father began to bring me gifts back from his travels. There were exotic musical instruments and vinyl LPs too. This is how I discovered and became fascinated by the strange sounds of classical music from the Middle East, West Africa, India, China, Indonesia, Japan and indigenous Australia.

One of the most appealing to me was Balinese Gamelan music. To my ears it is full of the natural sounds and rhythms that fill the air in a fauna and flora-rich rain forest. Birds, insects, rain, and stones clunking under waterfalls.

Gamelan orchestra

These sounds are woven into expressions of mystical animism embroidered with reverence by highly disciplined musicianship, refined by successive influences down dozens of centuries from a mix of old traditions from all around this south-east Asian land.

As a young teenager, these cultural novelties had a trickle effect on me, like the magic of light from stained glass windows shining in on me.

My curiosity led me to read up on Buddhism, and the Japanese practice of Zen.

From the time when I was a toddler, I have continued weaving patterns from the strong thread of the love of all living things growing ‘out there’ in the Big Green.

The Zen view opened a channel for my Green awareness.

My Father’s cheerful convictions that there is never any valid reason to take no for an answer, that in reality anything and everything is possible to you with the right way of thinking, using the right formulation of words, sank into me from early on.

I am sure now the grounding effect of these and other assimilated influences not only sculpted my life path, but on occasions actually helped to save my life.

∞ Infinite? or Random? {∅}

Infinite? or Random? {∅}

Our consciousness has no fine tuning for detecting and savouring Random. We are – I am – a creature of EveryNow.

The appreciation of Random needs a running awareness of the things that element it, namely the past measured against some yardstick of the future. And both of these on astronomical timescales linked into an omniscience far beyond our human selves.

To say I am the product of random is rather sad. There is no call for the illusory sadness that comes from a fruitless search for meaning among extremely long odds.

Rather, oh my heart! Leap for joy at every in-breath that gives you the strength to leap.

I don’t call it my pulse. My heart keeps its own rhythm.

The measure of joy is heartbeat by heartbeat of my clock of blood.

Joy and sorrow are the engines one of the other. And both know no limits.

I choose infinity

The maelstrom of moments

The pain we describe is only pain when we ascribe words to it.

A blade of grass has no looking-glass. It is not green by reason of it absorbing all colours but green.
A grassblade is an abstraction of beauty in a pure material form. It is so and not further.
And so are you. And so we are all — we who are in life alive now, who used to be alive, and who will be alive no more.

And the maelstrom of moments in which our beauty dances

exists as EveryNow

*Flowering grace*

Parnassia grandifolia, or Largeleaf Grass of Parnassus

🟠🟢Flowering grace🟢🟠

Everything about this flower speaks of grace and sufficiency of design for purpose.
What looks to my eyes as a decorative trim, and is a sequence of shapes totally unique to this one individual, is likely to be an intrinsic part of its close relationship to its pollinators.
There is an extremely important message for me to examine in my aesthetic response to this living entity.
I ask Myself,
“How far can I travel along the journey of understanding about the quality of my response as an alive being to another alive ‘being’ ?”
I ask of Flower,
“What part of my sensibility is so strongly “contacted” by your shape, colour, patterning, texture, scent, movement in the air? And what part of me awakes and replies to your ‘touch’ ?”
And this is what I hear:
“My time alive
weighs exactly as much
as the lives I connect with.”
Therefore I kneel before the flower
who speaks so wisely of serene sufficiency.
Only connect!
All my waking time.
Only connect.
Connection will hold me
safe in the balance-scales
till the end my life.
~ Love is present EveryNow

♡ ☆ The Water Nymphs and the Goddess ☆ ♡

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The True Story of the Full Moon and the Carefree Naiads

[Photo – Ceregidion oak by Chris Adams]
Have you ever wondered at the tones of silent gloom to be found in the loneliest depths of the great oak forest?
They say the woodland pools of old often rippled in joyous babble, home to happy throngs of Naiads.
One cloudless summer night, weary from daylong dancing with dragonflies, all all asleep, the Naiads of the Round Lake dreamed a collective dream of honeysuckle and summer lightning.
The Solitary Goddess, travelling at the tip top of Her night sky, opened Her one white eye.
From Her heart of silver, She looked out upon the oak woods.
In a clearing, She saw it. She saw a fine and handsome fine Moon there below, shamelessly staring up at Her!
Quickly, quickly, before any churlish curl of cloud could form, She stooped a brilliant Moonbeam silently down and through the canopy of trees to fetch Him.
The bright arm of Moonbeam dipped deep, cupped the still waters where the Spirits of the Lake floated all in their mystery, and Moonbeam splashed them up and up, high over the lake shore, pell-mell up the valley’s wooded slope.
To this day, if you dare venture to walk so far into these so, oh so silent woods, you may see the bodies of the watery people clinging on where they were stranded.
Motionless as clinging ivy on the grey dry bark of the mute and ancient oaks.

sunlight as I pass between trees

Awareness is a flash of sunlight as I pass between trees

The surprise of the surprise surprises me in the deepest place of the me I call myself.
This sudden sensory spike, inescapable, melts into my innermost now.
It replaces immediately my previous aloofness, and in doing so, brings me into the small brilliant explosion of shattered disinterest.
This is how one glint of sunlight lights my living awareness.
O, these tiny awakenings
(ah my heart flip-flops)
are sufficient joy for a lifetime.
In a moment

Creation in helpless total innocence

Creation in helpless total innocence and integrity follows simple mathematical progressions – Fibonacci series, Golden Rectangle, the value π, and so many besides. Creation’s products in physical form shape us too.

With our senses we detect the flows and patterns in sight, sounds, scent, and other feelings emanating from the creation in which our bodies are embedded.
We are quick to respond with our subtile self-recognition, and the sum of this we experience as beauty.
I see beauty and creation as one process. Neither is the generator of the other, rather they are like the properties of a particle, possessors simultaneously of both attributes.
This is another fact of Relativity I do not understand, but I know it’s such fun!

Gossamer on gossamer

1534803042-picsay.pngMassive stones and great circles
I see these massive stones as witness to humankind’s universal awareness of powers larger than mere bodily existence.
They who arranged these monoliths expressed their desire to revere those mysteries of the spirit on the same scale as their huge longing for the eternity of the ordered cosmos and their certainty beyond question of their belonging.
Those people and their stories may be dust. But the quality of their impulse to demonstrate the scale of their perceived perspective of existence is no different to our own today.
Gossamer on gossamer
~ Love is present EveryNow

My Shamanic Healing

Since March 2014, out of curiosity more than from an acknowledged need, I started working with a wonderful shamanic healer.

I had no inkling I had endured ‘that childhood’ until it appeared clearly in front of me.
These traumatic strata, though buried and covered by scar tissue, I know now from my own experiences, can be identified, visualized in an adult context, lifted out of ancient hiding and, when seen in the bright light of my adult recognition, taken in both hands and dissolved forever.
This is hard work. It demands courage and determination to confront emotions which are painful and at first not easy to identify or understand.
Some who are shaken by the rise to the surface of fears and sadness, long forgotten or long since buried out of conscious sight, may not be ready to continue the work of bringing them into the open.
Their life journey has not yet reached those stations where the refreshments of friends and family have bolstered their understanding. Some may never, in their whole life, begin or accomplish the work of healing.
The work sometimes summons up nameless distress from within myself, like a child’s nightmare.
I carry my child inside me, but the difference is that it is I myself who has to show myself compassion. I have to be the one to cup my own distressed heart in my own healing hands and guide myself out into the openness of ever-present light.
At the time I began this work, the presence of “EveryNow” was becoming more familiar to me by the day. EveryNow fills me with the absence of longing, because it is a state which contains all sufficiency and all fulfilment. My way of characterising this is in my phrase, “No question; Answer is before”.
I recognised that the state of EveryNow represented the place of sanctuary, the changeless place of ultimate trust and reconciliation.
Had I not already gained an understanding of the over-arching and underlying principle that all existence is a reality not objective but encompassing both itself and me as the experiencer, I could not have successfully continued this Shamanic work.
With my Shaman close to me and questioning and inviting me to place myself in close touch – literally – with my previous selves all through the years of my life, I use a combination of two skills to power myself on with this work.
I exercise my curiosity to discover more about where I have hidden my painful past, and why, and with what ‘devices’ my former self so deliberately interred the pain.
With my intellectual reason I try to find out how effectively I can use my analytical skills to make valid connections between my adult autonomous self and my younger, unformed dependent self.
I seek out and befriend again the little person I was, who constructed all kinds of protective defences in the face of major hurt of which I as a child could have had no objective understanding and over which I had no control.
I can do all of this seeking, confronting, refriending and healing of myself because I can trust and completely rely on my guide, my Shaman, to be at my side every fraction of an inch of the way.
I continue with this work for the simple reason that it works. It is swift, effective, and the major immediate result is that it gives me is of lightness of heart.
I begin see my way of developing survival techniques to negotiate unknown fears is not unique to me and my life journey. I see clearly and with great relief that none of my difficulties, not one of my traumas is unique to me. I am not alone, not stuck on some lonely summit, or wandering in dark places. Suddenly, very suddenly, I am able to look around at last, and I see we are all beautiful doves in a flock of humanity.
One valuable certainty I have discovered from this guided work is that my body holds all the answers. If I want to know the answer, I directly address this physical repository of wisdom.
It is easier to enter and explore the body’s frames of reference while hearing the steady, quiet rhythmic beat of the Shamanic spirit drum.
There are two extremes our bodies are not naturally made to tolerate. One is to be afflicted by violence. While the other is to be afflicted by loneliness.
The strict limitations on the reach of my self healing are imposed by the needs I have as a human for other meaningful loving human contact, because my survival is all bound up with my gregarious, even tribal nature.
I willingly acknowledge with gratitude that it takes a person of rare quality to show such love as to dedicate a life to becoming a Healer in this way.
Shamanic Healing has been and continues to prove to be for me a uniquely valid and valuable vehicle for releasing and empowering a life of more abundance every day.

Heart in the discourse of one heart to another…

In the discourse of one heart to another, the only frame of reference is heart itself.
I write to my beloved and respected Shamanic Healer. These are my own thoughts about the way truth can sit easily on the tongue-tips of the pure in heart.
There is nothing new about my understanding.
The new that you present me with is that I am not on my own. You show me a bridge in plain sight. You say approach on the bridge. You say I am to speak as an equal with whomsoever I choose to meet.
Furthermore, you say it is of no consequence in what time frame I hold my conversation. I can go to meet the heart of the me I called myself at any stage at all of my Journey, and I can forgive, give blessed welcome, and make peace.
And that is what I have done.
At first I was like a wild animal who would not be encouraged to venture out onto the thinnest ice. Then I saw there is nothing lurking under the ice, because there is no ice. There is no reason for fear.
And so, self-consciously, timidly, I took those first steps towards myself. I looked into the eyes of myself and held out my hand. Then we hugged in the forgiveness of reconciliation. Peace filled the air around us!
Today, I can still recall the wonder and the sweetness of that first renewed encounter.
It is therefore simple to extrapolate that, with a courageous heart, I can hold close and real live conversations with any soul, without regard for the time, present, past or even future in which they are living.
Furthermore again, these things become matters of fact, and the hidden worlds within worlds are no longer hidden at all to me.
The key to accepting the wider worldviews is that I have gifted to myself the faith to see that time can be removed.
Time in relation to the matters of the heart does not exist. Or to be more accurate, there is no framework layer of time to refer to in the glow of love and peace which is heart’s.
This means in practical terms that the intuition I have that I am free to pick and choose any positive thought in the vaster universe which contains me is a freedom that applies to me.
All this has come rather suddenly and without the bother that comes from the usual dust kicked up by a sceptical mind.
Here now are clear bridges to conversing with life in all other dimensions.
Nothing has changed. Nothing is new. All that has happened is that I see now.
~ ~ ~
Looking behind I am filled with gratitude
Looking forward I am filled with vision
Looking upwards I am filled with strength
Looking within I discover peace.
Apache prayer
~ ~ ~
In the discourse of one heart to another, the only frame of reference is heart itself.
Heart is an expression of the compassion which that heart’s Journey has brought into the realm of reality.
Heart belongs to all time, because heart has left behind the weight of pain and anguish out of which it gained its existence.
Heart exists as ever burning flames of truth and compassion in a place where safety is the only necessity and the only certainty.
The ever brilliant flames of Heart’s Love sustain me, and the flames consume nothing!
In this place is the place where I am welcome, always.
From this place is the place where my Journey begins, always.
My Journey begins with my every breath.
The seed of my breathing is initiated from the very centre of this place.
This place is safe because the breath of life keeps the flames brightly burning.
I journey in and and out of every breath. I have nothing other than my breathing to satisfy my need to be thankful for the visions of you on my Journey.
I am whole because my breathing is circular.
You, Soulfriend, are the animate embodiment of the joys we share as we go.
Let us go, always, in Love’s presence EveryNow

Life lived lovingly in multiple frames of awareness is tough

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Life lived lovingly in multiple frames of reference all at the same time is a tough proposition, yes.
But this way of awakened being is hard only if I analyse what to do or say next on-the-fly, off-the-cuff, improvising like in some fast competitive ball game.
Before I drive a car, I create a white-hot awareness of the devastating consequences of my driving without due preparation and care. This helps me mitigate that “toughness”.
I used to cycle commute to central London 12 miles each way. I am alive now, because on every journey I chose to ride metre by metre relentlessly ultra-alert and aware of all possible circumstances which could result in my own injury or death.
My frame of reference in relation to a personal interraction or to my passive witness of it, can become less of a random pinball game, if I take time to choose to populate my mind with hypothetical scenarios and use them to test my moral or ethical ground.
I have been chosing for many years to use words with positive areas of meaning, and I try to use non-dualistic descriptors. I cultivate the habit of experiencing the effect on others of my words before I use them, by virtue of having already rehearsed the conversation with myself in that way.
Steady formation of these habits of empathy eventually broaden these frames of reference.
Is it not a waste of time to have stayed alive for so very many years by crossing the road with all due caution, if I cannot use my experience to walk side by side with others in safety, peace and compassion on their journey?
~ Love is present EveryNow

Wasted lives make no lasting impact by wasting life

terrorist dust

✝️🕉️✡️☯️🔯☪️

Wasted lives make no lasting impact by wasting life…
We live in times where people steeped in the deepest ignorance reach up from unseen depths of misguided hopelessness.
Starting out with hearts like yours and mine, they are thwarted by lack of human recognition and they become stunted by ignorance and aimless self-loathing.
At times they burst into the open with deeds of destruction, like a pustulant cancre breaking.
I am just so sorry for the lives of so many innocents torn apart by fellow human acts of futile, pointless, random, cowardly blind ignorance.
A very few of these lost souls, the perpetrators of the bloodshed of innocents, will live to see how extremely irrelevant their deadly actions were.
And they will understand they were so lacking in all substance, they themselves become blown as dust into the oblivion of history.
~ Peter Pilley 20151124 20170322 and every day

Thoughts like Snowflakes

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My Everyday is my Sublime
Thoughts like snowflakes fall on skin.
Thoughts like blood rise like flame.
Thoughts of infinity take up no space.
I think of loving so tenderly, so I survive.
Immortal thoughts, which guide us like stars,
Germinate from fertile minds in the pitch of peace.
Blinding truths tall as trees will bear no fruit in my moment of death.
In extremis, I will think no big thoughts of me.
Death will occult the lava flow of my soul,
And I will come to death like a shadow under the sun.
In my everyday arena I find my sublime overflows.
My everyday is where I dance my hope of love.
My every breath is my hope,
My smile is my soaring song in flight.
My opening eyes yell like rainbows.
My footfall tells me love stories.
Love is present
So very tender
My EveryNow,
My tenderness

Glory to your glory

Glory to your glory, Morning Glory

Your silence is music of the highest order.
I listen and I see your face is turned to love those whose love for you
is single-pointed as the light that reaches from a star.
You beckon with serious urgency, but not to me.
Your face awakes in me compassion for your journey today, for those winged workers who will instantly adore you, and who will be nourished by you.
Compassion for your little life,
and for mine.
~ Love is present EveryNow

Who am I at my very sacred centre?

Who am I at my very sacred centre?

I am no longer suffering I.

My identity is as a pixel of humanity

A lumen in a ripple of original peace

An absence of shadow under the brilliance of love

A movement in the murmuration of the swarming of life

There is such intensity of Acceptance at such great density of Awareness,

that the need for questions is obliterated

by the glorious overwhelm of abundant answers.

Will you release your guardianship, relinquish your sentinel ego and allow us to tarry together conjoined?

This, my sacred space, is where we are welcome to share as equals in wholesome awareness.

Wholly welcome to love and be loved

~ Love is present EveryNow

Infinity is so much fun!!

🔭 Infinity and Beyond! 🥰

Over thirty years ago, I stopped counting my years. I attribute my longevity to my looking both ways at least twice when crossing the road.

Yes, I’m grateful to be reminded of the accretion of time. After all, I am in my mid-seventies.

But I value beyond price my EveryNow, because it is where infinity is transcended as easily as a breath in. Or out.

In the way of the crew of Starship Enterprise whose images shimmer on the point of beaming, I too often shimmer on the edge of time present, because I value the Now as an open door to Infinity.

All the endlesses – peace, love, the leap of joy, pain – are in the Now.

I am humbly grateful for that smile cast my way unannounced, unbidden from the eyes of a stranger.

These affirmations that I walk among in the open unblinking moment reconstitute my “me” in my original self. And we go back an infinitely, long way, my original self and I.

These validations are the obverse on my coinage of gratitude.

Gratitude for the tiny truth sparks which conflagrate at light speed. They inflate my incendiary heart which burns all fiery at 36.4°C and it consumes nothing…

Infinity beams me.

Infinity is so much fun!!

☆ See my treeness in the tree ☆

See my treeness in the tree

My deep ‘knowing-for-sure’ is the core certainty of my Will to Live.

If this truth were not present in me, I would take no care to maintain my own self in life.
My ‘knowing’ is every bit as present in me as it is in the ‘knowing’ of the tree.
It is my conscious love, respect, and reverence of this ‘knowing’ which I find hard to detect through the static noise from my chattering mind, temporal distractions, adult social conditioning, the imperatives of daily living. The list is quite long and it is well understood.

My helpless attraction to the divinity of the tree is all to do with the utterly obvious treeness of the tree.

The tree is the mirror of my beautiful unobfuscated being
~ Love is present EveryNow

This tree stands close by Breamore House, Fordingbridge, UK. I name it the Great Maharaja copper beech. It is one of my pilgrimage trees.

Where’s the magic in connection?

🙏Disappearance is the magic in connection🙏

Is it not the best of things to be seen fully clothed yet as entirely naked as newborn?
The brightness thereof overtops and shadow-shunts the sallow sight of self every, every time.
Where I was palely loitering,

came a pair of eyes to look to me

to see my blinking eyes.
And so I deconstruct.
My face
my muscles
even my blood
I am all
transparent
unshadowed
to my very bones.
And then?
A symphony orchestra shakes
what’s left of who I never knew I was.
Inside the gaze of easy eyes
I am deciphered
made suddenly extraordinarily rich.
Out of my head, birds do fly
joyful
noisy
free